Hi and thank you for your interest in my humble IFComp game! I hope this post finds you well.
I tried not to let my obsession with thoroughness get the best of me, but this still ended up being much longer than I expected ā sorry about that!
If you have any questions that I didnāt answer here, Iād love to hear them! I also welcome any and all feedback.
Why write Dysfluent? Inspirations behind the concept
The idea for Dysfluent first came to me after I realized that most people donāt understand how a speech disorder like stuttering tends to manifest. Not only are the outward signs not always easy to identify for those not in the know (like blocking/silence), but the inner mechanisms are especially mysterious to non-sufferers. So I thought, why not use interactive fiction to give people that experience?
As you may have suspected, I have a stutter, and many of the gameās events are based on things Iāve experienced. For example:
- Asking a question to a teacher and having it be ignored (the āAnywayā¦ā was a direct quote!)
- Being asked if I forgot my name when I struggle to say it
- Being misunderstood by people who think that stuttering is purely a result of being nervous or talking too fast
- Watching My Cousin Vinnie (in school, not at a friendās house) and everyone laughing at the lawyer
- Pretending to be looking for a word in order to buy some time during a block (either to avoid looking/sounding bad, or so that the conversation doesnāt move on without me)
- Fear of not being hired, or getting fired from a customer-facing job I already have, if they find out I have a speech disorder
- Having jokes constantly be ruined by blocking on the punchline
Some are instead inspired by all the stories Iāve heard from other people who stutter, such as:
- Having a consultation with a professional who has a very uneducated/unhelpful approach to stuttering
- Using a fake name because their real name is too difficult to say
- Changing a restaurant order to something easier
- Being hung up on during a block
My main objective was to let people feel the turmoil that can occur within someone during stuttering blocks! I think getting this āinner perspectiveā can make a big difference in understanding, and interactive first-person pieces are uniquely well-suited to it.
Creation process and changes to the game over time
I started to write several years ago but then put the project on hold for a very long time, before finally digging it back up in 2023.
Some elements have remained constant:
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The choice-based format was an obvious fit for the type of narrative and gameplay I wanted, and Twine/Harlowe were accessible and flexible enough for my purposes. I have @Allx to thank for helping me implement some of the more complex changes to the format!
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The colour-coded options were an integral part of the design from the very start, as a way to intuitively communicate the feeling of upcoming fluency or dysfluency. I hadnāt seen colours used in quite this way this before, so I was excited to bring a little something new to the medium.
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The timed text was also essential in my eyes, because a crucial element of why stuttering can feel so stressful is how it makes you acutely aware of the speed and flow of conversation ā which other people can often follow seamlessly, while youāre always stuck either grinding things to a halt or getting left behind.
This proved to be a more controversial choice than I had anticipated, in great part because I wasnāt able to balance it well enough in the comp version of the game (more on this in the next section).
Other aspects of the game changed significantly during development, and deciding on a final selection was possibly the most time-consuming part of the whole project:
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In its very first iteration, the game was going to have random colours assigned to each dialog option, with the aim of creating replay value and illustrating the sometimes unpredictable nature of dysfluency.
I quickly let go of the idea in favour of a more carefully-structured series of events with heavier emotional impact, but a small remnant of the randomness can still be found in the bus scene (though I removed the fluent options in order to better suit the gameās new direction). -
The planned length and structure of the story varied a lot! The overall number of unique scenes would probably have been similar, but initially I was going to spread them out over a few in-game days, maybe even a week.
Then I had the idea to make the narrative span multiple phases of the characterās life (childhood, teens, young adult, adult), showing one day of each, in order to fit in some important school scenes and show character progression. My own stutter didnāt fully kick in until I was about 14 years old, so I thought maybe this before/after could also be an interesting transition to show.
Ultimately, I took some of the scenes planned for these different life stages, turned them into flashbacks (creating a character who stuttered from childhood), and condensed the rest into a single day.
I worried that maybe having that many negative interactions in one day would seem a bit extreme, but thinking back on the years where I struggled most, it actually feels somewhat realistic. Interactions that should be very quick and minor can really feel like a big deal when youāre afraid of not being able to speak! -
In parallel to the question of length and structure, I pondered whether to have a character selection at the start of the game in order to show events from different stages of life, e.g. a college student vs. a middle-aged worker. I ended up abandoning this idea once I figured out how to fit these life events into a single characterās story.
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What is the big goal for the player to look forward to? When does the narrative reach its climax? The job interview idea was cemented when I decided to make the events of the game occur in the span of a day, but things were different in previous iterations.
For a good while my plan was actually to have the events of the game inform the character/playerās perception of speech therapy, with the aim of finally finding good professional support after a bad experience in the past.
In the end I donāt regret going a different route, especially because I prefer a message centered on acceptance than one centered on fluency. But I do worry that in its current form the game risks sending the wrong message about speech therapy as a whole, if people interpret the childhood flashback as being representative of all speech therapists (the last thing I want to do is imply that theyāre all ill-informed or harmful)! That is something Iād really like to clarify in a later version. -
There was originally going to be an additional mechanic: managing sleep and stress. While far from the only factors in stuttering, those two elements can have an impact on a personās fluency, and I thought that sprinkling in a few opportunities to balance these āstatsā (like choosing whether to snooze your alarm in the morning) could make for a fun challenge. In this version, I had planned for the character to have a little routine every day, which would consist of waking up, getting ready, and interacting with the bus driver.
I abandoned this idea pretty quickly as the focus and tone of the game took shape, but worked in a different stat for the player to manage instead, and made sure to leave in a little mention of fluency management techniques. -
The stat I created to replace the fluency-management ones was probably the biggest piece of the puzzle.
All this time I had been focused on the symptoms of stuttering and how they can be managed ā through lifestyle adjustments, through therapy, through carefully choosing your words.
Itās certainly true that dysfluency is something that can inherently be pretty frustrating and unpleasant, and if people can find ways to reduce their symptoms and gain more control over their speech, thatās wonderful. But in my experience, the most disheartening and anxiety-inducing part of stuttering is not the stutter itself but the fear of other peopleās reactions.
When youāre in a safe and comfortable environment, stuttering often doesnāt feel like such a huge deal anymore ā and sometimes, giving people a chance to understand what youāre going through can be the first step to creating more of these safe environments!
So in the end, I chose to have the central theme and mechanic revolve around overtness and covertness (whether youāre willing to let a stutter show, or avoid it at all costs), showing the anxiety and self-doubt that each approach can cause. I really liked the idea of having the final scene be the first moment of safety and acceptance that the player encounters, in contrast to the rest of the game, and I tried my best to do it justice!
A non-exhaustive list of challenges I ran into:
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How do I make the game informative but not too heavy-handed or preachy? How do I show the negative effects of stuttering on the main character without coming across as accusatory towards other characters (who, in many cases, simply donāt know any better)?
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How do I write negative self-talk in a realistic way, without sounding over-the-top or melodramatic?
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How do I organically create situations where the player will actually want to pick the dysfluent options?
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How much should the player shape the character? How precise or vague should I be about different aspects of the characterās ambitions and motivations (e.g. the job interview)?
Iām not sure if I managed to adequately overcome all the obstacles that came my way, but hopefully my efforts at least nudged things in the right direction!
I already released it on Source Code Amnesty Day, but hereās the source code for Dysfluent, in case anyone is curious. Several bits and pieces of my abandoned ideas can still be found in there!
Iād hidden a little note in there pre-comp for anyone who might try opening the file in the Twine editor or otherwise manage to get a look at the code, but I donāt think anyone found it (or they did and just didnāt feel like talking about it, which of course is totally valid too)!
What worked? What didnāt work?
I think different things worked or didnāt work for different people, but I observed a couple of generalities across the player base.
Worked well:
The educational angle. It seems the game was generally able to accomplish its main goals: show some of the realities of stuttering, let people experience something novel, and be thought-provoking. Hurray!
Didnāt work so well:
The infamous and dreaded timed text! Much has been said about this feature and I wonāt rehash it too much, but itās a game design element that is often disliked.
Though I probably should have done so, it didnāt cross my mind to do any research on this topic while writing Dysfluent; my decision to include timed text was purely based on fulfilling a somewhat unique storytelling need, and it didnāt occur to me that the mechanic might be prevalent (and even a bit of a clichĆ©) in the IF world. Iād been away from the IF community for several years by that point, so I think I missed a lot of important releases and discussions during that time!
I was expecting it would generate tension and maybe mild negative feelings (to better connect with the emotional content of the story), but if I had known that it was likely to outright frustrate players and even make them feel disrespected, I would have dedicated much more of my time to polishing it up and making it feel less slow! The intense negative impact it had on some players came as a surprise and was very distressing to hear about ā I would have done anything to avoid that outcome.
Part of the problem, aside from my limited technical skill as a relative beginner, was the way I implemented the timed text (using the (live:) macro), which made it a real time-consuming pain to adjust individual segments. There turned out to be a way to essentially automate speed changes for all segments, but I only figured that out shortly before the deadlineā¦ so in the end, I only had time to apply it partially. It at least made it much easier to implement the ādisable text animationsā option ā before that, I thought I would have to copy/paste each page and manually remove all the timed macros!
I have plans (discussed further in the next section) to use this method to make the timed text adjustable and thus hopefully more bearable.
Whatās next? Planned changes and improvements
I intended to make several changes and improvements to the game early this year. I was actually hoping to get these done before publishing the postmortem, so I could proudly point to them and announce that Dysfluent was finally in its definitive version! But for reasons discussed later, I ended up postponing them.
These planned changes are generally ideas from before the comp, which I unfortunately had to cut because I got a bit overwhelmed and the deadline was drawing near:
- A screen-reader-friendly mode. This ended up being more complicated to implement than I first thought, because for optimal experience Iāll have to make sure all the individual letters are pronounced appropriately (e.g. stuttering on āThomasā looks like T-T-Thomas, but it should sound like ātuh-tuh-thomasā rather than ātee-tee-thomasā)
- An additional option for colourblindness. I had several possibilities in mind, some more elegant than others, but I feel like simple tags attached to the dialog options saying (fluent), (dysfluent) and (very dysfluent) would be a good place to start as they are universally accessible
- A dark mode
- A slightly more developed achievement system (at the very least, allowing āThe Magic Wordā to be unlocked in more ways)
- A speed slider for the timed text, which lets you visualize in real time what your selected setting will look like
- Aforementioned subtle changes to the text, to remove some undesirable ambiguity and maybe improve any awkward sentences. Possible changes to the menu in order to highlight important options.
But since then, Iāve also noted a few other small adjustments that could be made, based on the helpful feedback of players and my own revisiting of the game. My favourite is an automatic recalling of the characterās previous name upon starting the game a 2nd time, brilliantly suggested by Tabitha here on the forum!
So why havenāt I implemented all of these changes already? Iāve been dragging my feet for a few reasons, the most major of which was a bad wrist fracture that occurred in January. I was also busy with other responsibilities for a while, stuff that piled up as I was recovering from the fall and the subsequent surgery. However, even now that Iām slowly regaining my ability to work and have some time to dedicate to IF, I admit that I find myself struggling to go back to Dysfluentā¦
As an artist, it pains me to know that my creation is on display in this embarrassing, frustrating, imperfect state.
But although I tried to inject bits of humor and lightheartedness here and there, Dysfluent is not exactly a āfunā game, and I feel like that makes it harder to justify working on it further. How likely is it that anyone else is going to want to play it, much less revisit it, now that all the buzz is over?
I wanted to translate it into French, partly in hopes that the (mostly francophone) stuttering association I frequent could find a use for it as a didactic/outreach tool, but they didnāt seem particularly interested, so even that angle feels like a dead-end.
If you have any opinion or perspective on the matter, Iād love to hear from you (whether youāre players and/or authors)!
Itās highly possible that Iām being silly with these concerns, and maybe Iām really just still in a rut from everything that happened earlier this year. The stress of releasing my first full game to this much scrutiny last year definitely got to me as well, and I felt really bad about some of the flaws it had, which I think creates a bit of a mental block.
In conclusion
Dysfluent was definitely an imperfect game from a novice author, and ideally it should have had a bit more time to fully bake. But even though I have regrets about what I chose to prioritize in that first release, Iām very happy that the core message managed to reach as many people as it did! I was blown away by the thoughtful way in which people engaged with my message, and all the expressions of how they felt they could relate to the protagonist.
I donāt personally struggle too much with my stutter anymore, thanks to various factors. But even today, and even sometimes in situations that donāt feel especially unsafe, I find myself automatically sidestepping blocks and trying to appear more fluent than I really feel. Thereās a deep, almost instinctive sense of shame associated with dysfluency, which can be really hard to shake off. I wasnāt able to represent every type, reality or manifestation of stuttering in my game, but I hope that I was able to help others with speech disorders feel seen in some way (I know I would have loved something like this as a despairing teen)!
I intend to create many more games and stories, and Iāll do my best to learn from every experience!
Thank you for reading, and thanks again to everyone who gave their feedback and made me feel welcome for this first IF release!
(And because we can still laugh at ourselves a little bit now and then, hereās a song from the 1910ās about misunderstandings that stuttering may causeā¦)