Thirty years ago I was young and poor. Now, after three decades of hard work and dedication and struggle and pain I’m no longer young.
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I know. I was young and stupid once. But now…
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My wife found out I was cheating because she came across some letters I had been hiding from her. She’s not going to play Scrabble with me again.
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Q: What happens to a horse that stops moving quickly enough?
A: It goes into a stall.
Q: Why didn’t the doctor get along with public prosecutors?
A: They tried his patients.
Q: What did the sergeant say to a private who was rotating an awl?
A: “This is not a drill!”
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I once dated a communist. I should have known better: there were a lot of red flags.
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When you’re wearing rose-coloured glasses, red flags just look like flags.
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Why can a nudist defeat a knight in full armor?
The pen is mightier than the sword!
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I drove by a prison the other day and saw a dwarf climbing down the wall to escape.
I thought it was a little condescending.
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I wanted to make some puns about retired people, but they just don’t work.
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I brought a proposal to a group of blind people to vote on, but it got no eyes.
How long is forever?
Longer than three ever, but shorter than five ever.
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Did you know old-fashioned fountain pens can write underwater?
They can write a bunch of other words, too!
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I spent $100 on a limo, but it didn’t even come with a driver. All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.
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I don’t get it.
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Sounds like “nothing to show for it.”
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What’s wrong with my brain: nothing is right on the left side, and nothing is left on the right side.
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Especially since at least most of us lazy Americans pronounce the word SHO-fer rather than sho-FURR.
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I missed the homophone, which is pretty stupid of me, as a lot of dad jokes rely on this. I just couldn’t get over how cheap the limo was.
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I finally finished writing an academic journal article on ancient clay tablets.
In hindsight, it might have been faster to write it on a computer.
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I had a mental image of you pressing a pointy stick into clay, with a pile of tablets beside you, even before I read the punchline and realised I shouldn’t have interpreted that first line literally.
Writing scientific articles in cuneiform on tablets is something I expect you to do, after hanging out with you on this forum for a while.
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Writing it on a computer would probably also be less dirty.
1 Like