Dad Jokes

That’s the most literal and appropriate use of the meme I’ve ever seen.

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My “Asian twist” joke of Eileen got removed. Check it out here and click on the edited history to witness the boundless insensitivity that I’m capable of. I’m such a monster! :smile:

I’m sure you’re fine, John. Unless you kicked a puppy or pushed a little kid down recently, I think people know that a joke is simply that… a joke. Unless they decide that it’s not. Good luck with that! :wink:

Did you know that the Grand Canyon was formed when a Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny down a gopher hole?

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I wanted to sue the airline for damaging my luggage, but they said I don’t have much of a case.

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Do you know how to open a Scottish lock? Just drop a penny in it…

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The thing about it always being 90 degrees in the corner makes me wish I lived in a house made of triangles… and grateful we don’t build houses out of hexagons.

Here’s a festive computer science joke that only works this one day of the year:

Happy Zeroth Day of Christmas!

Also, I don’t get it: What’s the deal with Scots and pennies?

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Scottish people have a stereotype of being extremely frugal. It probably came about from not having very much as immigrants long ago.

Did you know that copper wire was invented when two Scotsmen fought over a penny?

Growing up with Ukrainian heritage in Canada, I remember there was a slew of “Ukrainians are dumb” jokes. I thought they were pretty funny and usually piled “dumb on top of dumb” as the punchline.

How do you sink a Ukrainian submarine?
You open the screen door.

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Huh, I thought the Scots’ humorous cultural flaw was extremely elaborate and creative cursing and frugality was part of the Jewish stereotype.

There are a lot of stereotypes that include “being cheap”. Though it really depends on where you’re from. I’ve heard a lot of Dutch jokes about being stingy as well.

I would love to visit Holland.
Wooden shoe?

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound russian… then soviet.

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There’s a whole lot of overlap in ethnic stereotypes, and they change remarkably quickly over time! You’d be shocked at how many ancient Roman jokes there are about people from Hispania/Spain brushing their teeth too much, so their smiles are grotesquely and obscenely bright. (And also their breath smelling like urine, because that’s the easiest source of ammonia in the ancient world.)

I’ve never heard of that before… when I was a kid I would hear the big kids tell “Polack” jokes, and I didn’t even know what that was. I thought they were saying “pullock” and just assumed it meant someone short on intelligence.
All good though… I married a girl with Polish (and Slovak) heritage.

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I could never tell apart a jacuzzi drom a Yakuza, and now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

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From the Gospel of John, chapter 8:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they continued to question him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, a large stone was hurled, striking the woman in the face. And when Jesus stood, and looked around in shock, to see who had done this thing, dismay and anger crossed his expression. And he cried out, “Seriously, Mom?”

I’m pretty sure this is blasphemous in several denominations, but my Catholic relatives found it hilarious, so I’m taking my chances.

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One man’s blasphemy is another man’s hilarity.

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A long time ago I was a much younger person. There was a weekly joke morning at school. There were awards at the end of the year for many things. One was for the worst joke of the year. The corniest. The most cheese. This joke won that award. Drum roll.

What did the parents name their kid who was born with no knees?
Neil.

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I got an email from someone claiming they can read maps backwards, but then I realized that’s just spam.

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Hey, not necessarily worthless though! You wouldn’t believe how useful that was when I got lost in Anglophone Atlantis.

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I got a chuckle out of that joke about Jesus… and Jesus is one of the few people in the bible I have any respect for(his supposed father makes Zeus look like a decent man, and Greek Mythology seems to actually be honest about how big of an arse Zeus is).

Though I’m reminded of an Animaniacs skit where Slappy Squirrel is charged with guarding the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden and delivers the one liner “That snake hasn’t got a leg to stand on” after the Serpent falls victim to oldschool cartoon violence… which Slappy then breaks the fourth wall to say “It’s the dawn of time, what do you expect, new jokes?”.

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Hah!!

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I heard a story about an American at a French party where everyone was telling Belgian jokes. They asked if there were Belgian jokes in America. “Well, sort of,” the American said, “but they’re more likely to be Polish jokes.”

The other party-goers were baffled. “But why? Poles aren’t stupid. Not like… the Belgians.”

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