The people of Graywall always said Rosalinda had a good head on her shoulders. Even though that’s no longer quite the case, she still has a plan to stop the Necromancer’s army of the dead from rotting the entire city to bones and ashes.
Step one: make sure that mouse doesn’t scurry off with the second finger bone from her left hand.
I’m not so hot at the blurb thing myself -summaries have never really been my speed- but I do just want to say that Piecrust the Mouse sounds like an adorable character, and I can’t wait to meet them!
It’s a small tag:
Small text.
<small>Small text.</small>
Thanks for your help, everyone! I’ll use them and try to compose a new blurb. (Sadly, some of the best-sounding suggestions are sort of overhyping what’s actually happening in the game…)
Hey, all–
A blurb that’s entirely emoji: really bad idea or terrible idea? (Possibly a done-before idea?) And, regardless, better as one line or separate lines?
vs.
Looking to seeing everyone’s entries!
I love this! Let me translate:
“You are a sword for hire with an interest in explosives. Your job is to get into the black castle and destroy it, saving the lives of the innocent hostages there! Go on a camping journey with the evacuees and write a bestseller about it, thereby bringing glory to heroic sellswords everywhere!”
Nah, it’s got to have “Pirate’s Cove”, “Swashbuckling” and “Jolly Roger” in there. I won’t argue with you about the last line though.
I guess the less charitable translation would be:
“A band of evil mercenaries attack a nice family, destroy their house, and force them to live in a tent and eat their own hands. And pens. A story about one family’s will to survive!”
And I like all the emojis on one line.
I really like seeing this blurb topic for many reasons, not least of which is that it shows who’s (likely) going to be in Spring Thing.
I have something that feels back-gardeny. (15-30 minutes max.) I don’t want to raise people’s expectations, but I want it to be interesting enough.
If anywhere could use your last bit of anagramming magic, it’s game title here. You’ve delegated the ruling you need to. But what can be left? And will you get to do more than just anagrams?
(I assume the disclaimer of not needing to play Shuffling Around and A Roiling Original is not for the blurb.)
I’m not sure what “What can be left?” refers to. What can be left for you to do now that you’ve delegated stuff to others? I think that should be clearer.
But the “your last bit of anagramming magic” is good… it harkens to the “one last job” genre, which I always can’t resist.
For the last line, maybe something more like “And just maybe, if the magic holds, your power over words will grow.” Or something like that except better than what I wrote.
I love your word games, Andrew! Psyched to play the new one!
Thanks, Amanda. “What can be left” is an allusion to how I pretty much beat anagrams to death in the other games. For instance, A Roiling Original’s largest area is adjectives, with 50+ total points. But that doesn’t make for a very interesting blurb, as it implies things were beaten to death and I just picked up the scraps.
Okay, that’s what happened, but they’re GOOD scraps.
When I think of it, it’s not really important that you became the leader at the extra-end of Roiling, so I can get rid of that sentence.
So I’ll zap the 2nd sentence, then “What’s left to anagram, you’ve no clue. But …” (and I’m stuck on the final sentence, but it’s obviously a big step forward, so thanks.)
I’ve been working on a new blurb for The Bones of Rosalinda, taking your suggestions into account. I went for an “in-universe 2nd person” approach, where Rosalinda the character (and not the player) is addressed directly. What do you think?
“Hey, you! Yes, you, skeleton lady! You’ve got to pull yourself together and do something before the Necromancer finds out you’re alive. Because when he does, he’s going to turn you into a mindless minion and send you to attack Greywall! Can you hear me? Are you going to just sit there?”
Rosalinda slowly realised it was all real. She was in a dark cave. Most of her body was missing. And there was an agitated brown mouse yelling at her.
“O-okay,” she said. “How do I get out of this place? And… where even are my legs?”
Her first day as an undead was not going to be easy.
It can be squished more. (yes, squish)
"Hey you, skeleton lady! Are you gonna pull yourself together or let the Necromancer turn you into one of his minions?
Rosalinda looked down and realised it was all real. Most of her body was missing, she was lying in a dark cave and there was an agitated brown mouse yelling at her.
“O-okay,” she said. “How do I get out of this place? And… where are my legs?”
Her first day undead was not going to be easy."
This is great! I think this will be more likely to entice people to play (and everybody really, really should play this game). And I agree with @rovarsson 's squishing. This really captures the silliness and fun of the story, but also the serious problems Rosalinda has to overcome.
A+!
Perhaps the teensiest bit more of a squish?
Rosalinda looked down. Most of her body was missing, or scattered over the cave floor. And a brown mouse was yelling at her.
Yeah, but the agitated mouse is funnier.
OK, I’ve totally scrapped my initial blurb. Here’s a reboot:
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” you say dreamily, gazing into its sparkling surface…
“You know,” replies the mirror, “I can do a lot more than just reflect fair faces, which is really boring. Take me with you! Oh, how I long to come off the wall and go on a quest! To meet princesses, witches, and wolves … to win a throne and be a hero! What say you?”
Well, what say you, adventurer?
Is that better?
Maybe slightly punchier?
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” you say dreamily, gazing into its sparkling surface…
“You know,” replies the mirror, “I can do a lot more than just reflect fair faces. O, how I long to leap off this wall! I want to meet princesses, witches, and wolves … to win a throne and become a hero! What say you?”
Well, what say you, adventurer?
I’ve written, rewritten, trashed, and started over several times here. I’m not getting anywhere and I need some feedback. I had this part (blurb, cover, etc.) fleshed out, but misjudged the time I would need to finish.
So, I removed a section of that game and reframed it and completely rewrote it as it’s own game. Then I slid the unfinished remainder to ParserComp in my head, which is all fine and well. The problem is the existing blurb doesn’t fit anymore. This is my current bit (current iteration of cover art), and I’m very unhappy about it (working title: Adrift):
They always go on about the stars, stunning vistas spanning the heavens. Celestial tapestry…
You see nothing but a pitch black void and the sun before you, ceaslessly constricting your pupils. You don’t know how to turn away, let alone get home.
It figures you’re going to die in space and you won’t even see the stars…
Very open to suggestions.
(Just putting the cover here to help paint a better picture overall)
What isn’t working about this? It definitely paints a vivid picture, but if the picture is wrong, then yeah, alter it.
