I’m struggling between trying to interest the player without ruining any points of discovery in the process.
The Title is the word Adrift in Russian drifting across the title screen with your broken tether line snaking out in front of you. Survival/character study of a very unhappy (almost) cosmonaut in an unenviable position.
Hope that helps and thank you for responding.
Edit:(afk, brb)
Ok, now I get the situation. This is the correct game, you just don’t like your blurb. I think you have the basic idea down great here, but I’d edit it a little:
I assume you’re hurtling helplessly toward the sun? If so, maybe this works bit better? It was pretty adjective heavy.
Well, looking at the blurbs from last year Spring Thing Festival of Interactive Fiction it seems like most of them are between 1 and 3 sentences. So here’s mine:
Title: Ma Tiger’s Terrible Trip
For the last 13 years, Ma Tiger’s two children have neither spoken nor met. Now she needs their help. A two-player, synchronous game lasting between half an hour and an hour.
I feel like I have to warn people in the blurb that it’s 2-player and give a rough time estimate, because unlike most of the games in Spring Thing, it’s likely that many players will have to schedule mine. And I can’t very well put that in the author’s note, which is in small text.
Opinions?
e: Looking at previous years it seems like the blurbs do not allow for line breaks, so for all y’all doing that, uh, maybe it won’t let you?
Having tested this, I think this needs some more punch:
For the last 13 years, Ma Tiger’s two children have been estranged. Now they each receive a letter from her: Ma’s time is running out, and she’s on the run and desperate for help.
A two-player, synchronous game lasting between half an hour and an hour.
I’m not crazy about this, either, but I think something needs to indicate how high the stakes are here.
I think there’s a smaller line underneath the main description that’s meant for author notesy sort of things- you could maybe put the information about the 2-player aspect below there in lieu of a line break?
Sophia’s right! Put that info in the small line.
I think he’s concerned about people missing that important detail if it’s in “small text”
and as a result, find out they cannot play his game.
My suggestion is to make it V I S U A L on the cover. People skim anyway:
Oops, my bad! Must have latched onto the edit text at the end, it’s late here.
A visual representation is an excellent suggestion though!
Thank you, I do like that better! The hurtling towards the sun bit is fun, but I can’t take it for a few unrelated reasons. How’s this?
They always go on about the stars, stunning vistas spanning the heavens. But now you’re here, and you see nothing but the sun in a black void. You don’t know how to turn away, let alone get home, and all you have is a fidget spinner.
You’re going to die in space and you won’t even see the stars…
Appreciate the feedback.
