This is meant to be a reference for how people should refer to each other (names, pronouns, etc.) in both informal and formal contexts. Only add your information, not that of others.
I donāt only fully approve the initiative, but also have added my pronoun and informal name.
Kudos for the initiative and
Best regards from Italy,
dott. Piergiorgio.
4 Likes
For the sake of completion, my pronouns are masculine. Iād edit them in, but Iām not confident with Google Docs.
3 Likes
I put them in the spreadsheet.
2 Likes
Folks may also want to double check that theyāve set their pronouns in their forum profile, and learn how to check othersā profiles quickly, if they havenāt already. For example, when i tap on the first profile pic in this thread -
Doesnāt replace everything in the spreadsheet, of course, but nice and quick in casual conversation! (And Iād forgotten to set mine until just nowā¦ 
)
7 Likes
How do I changeā¦
Username
Ask the moderators (message them @moderators).
Name
- profile picture in top right corner
- the āpersonā icon in the right menu bar (bottom-most)
- select Preferences (settings cog)
- go to the Account tab if necessary
- edit text input for āNameā
Pronouns
- go to Preferences as shown above
- go to Profile tab
- scroll to the text input āPronouns (optional)ā
Or see this mod post.
4 Likes
qed
@anon75632374 I updated your information. Please check and correct it.
Anyone else who sees this, add or verify your information in the spreadsheet.
1 Like
Iād like to suggest allowing users to opt out of being on the spreadsheet (or, even better, making the spreadsheet opt-in, in the first place). Given the recent US election and the current political climate, this doesnāt seem like the best time to create an easily searchable document of marginalized forum users. (In case you werenāt aware, inclusion of each userās pronouns makes it pretty easy for someone to go through and find a bunch of people who use gender neutral or neopronouns, for example.)
I understand this list is being compiled from a thread created a while ago, but this document is being created under a different social and political context for many users, which I think is worthy of consideration.
8 Likes
I didnāt notice that aspect, but now I totally agree. Some people (in virtually any country) use violence against anything queer.
I hereby opt-in. And I entered my infos.
Could someone place my entry into the right alphabetical position for me? (I assumed the doc would sort itself automatically.)
2 Likes
Thereās now a poll at the top for if youād like to opt out. Itās currently public, so people can figure out who wants to opt out. If itās better for me to create a Google Form that only I have access to, I can do that too.
Youāre also free to remove your information from the doc.
1 Like
Done. Thereās a dropdown arrow found by hovering over column A (or selecting the column on mobile). You can use that to Sort sheet A to Z.
Yeah, I think a means of opting out privately would be best. It kind of defeats the purpose to have it public.
As a headsup, with the version history of edits being publicly available, a retroactive opt-out or alteration of personally identifying information doesnāt actually accomplish anything.
Arlo is right- given the socio-political clime in the USA and its spillover to other countries, (back in 2016, we had an unofficial Trump rally at my highschool, for example) and a long history of there being many pertinent reasons for marginalized people to not want to be collated into easily accessible lists: this is pretty uncomfortable.
For example, if someone doesnāt opt to use a pen name, or has identifying information or images on their profiles that they keep private from those in their real life, this could easily be used to out someone with a little social engineering. Itās very easy to dig up peopleās social media profiles- and people might not think about re-using emails, listing academic or work affiliations, posting pictures of their local area, school merch theyāre wearing, award listings, food reviews of nearby spots, their art or writing style, photos of themselves or similar looking icons, etc. Even without concrete proof like photographic or video evidence, if you know someone well enough, it becomes very easy to line up how they present themselves.
Even if they are locked down tight, it only takes a single doting parent who is loosey goosey about who they add to Facebook, for example. That can be incredibly dangerous for closeted LGBT people. Many LGBT people may be out circumstantially- they may be comfortable in being themselves around peers, but not around unsupportive family, for example. They may opt to present themselves differently professionally- especially if they live in a conservative area, or are a member of a religious community that doesnāt take kindly to āthat sort of person.ā Comfort in one context doesnāt necessitate comfort in general contexts.
Iāve already personally encountered issues in the IF sphere with harassment and an attempted off-site doxxing. While this may be thought of as a handy reference for people with good intentions- it very easily can be maliciously used if one is so inclined. Iād strongly suggest you think about starting from scratch as an opt-in, not an opt-out afterwards.
3 Likes
Also, from a less general perspectiveā¦ While I have taken care to make clear to other users that Iām the same person, having never wanted to accidentally deceive someone into thinking otherwise, come out to various groups, and had been in touch with the moderation team to make sure that the one account per person rule was followed, there is the context for regular users that they know who I am, and as a general statement, regulars on the forum are fairly respectful.
The new account was a step I took specifically to make it easier for people to refer to me respectfully, with my name and pronouns. Outside of when it may be pertinent to say, my referring to previously published work, or someone who knew me beforehand and is politely confused- there is no reason that someone with zero previous context or association should be told āhey just so you know this person used to go by XYZ actually.ā
In the context of someone I was acquainted with beforehand, they donāt really need the reminder, as my name is clearly labelled on my posts. With newcomers- they donāt need to know that. They can use my current name. This really just opens up confusion that Iād hoped to avoid with a fresh account, and seeing as I was persistently misgendered when using a more traditionally feminine name, I really donāt appreciate it being compiled like this.
2 Likes
I didnāt take those issues into account, and especially considering the current times: Iām going to create a new spreadsheet to remove the old version history. Thereās now a Google Form in the first post for opting out, and Iāll leave that open for a few days before creating the new document so that anyone who does not want to be in the new spreadsheet will not be in the version history. Hopefully this fixes the concerns people have regarding their virtual privacy, while still maintaining this as a reference and resource.
4 Likes
If you want to change your username, you have to make a request so we can do it. Thatās how Discourse keeps track of your account so thatās why itās not self-serve changeable. Your āreal nameā can be anything you want or blank if you prefer.
I actually created some preferences shortcuts in the side bar (click the hamburger icon - the three horizontal lines at the upper left - if you donāt see the sidebar.)
I would suggest itās probably better to delete the old spreadsheet, create a new one, and put clear instructions on it that people should only add their own data, not that of others. Thatās your āopt-inā.
Collecting personally identifying data from forum threads and compiling it in a public spreadsheet might actually be illegal in Europe, now I think about it.
6 Likes
Thanks for finding a solution that can work for people! Itās so useful having a set of pronouns for people, so Iāve used the spreadsheet in the past, but I would never have thought of the accidental consequences that could happen from it.
I like your idea of changing to a new, opt-in worksheet. It may be useful to wait one to two days in case people have other concerns that we all havenāt thought of yet. Thanks for taking the lead on this and working to find a solution for everyone!
6 Likes
The new spreadsheet is up. The old link is still in the edit information, and still open, in case people want to copy/paste their information. I will remove public access in a few days.
If you want to be in the new Reference Reference, add your information in the new document.
6 Likes