I bet you didn’t know there was a sequel!
Now that the Let’s Play of Jigsaw is over, I want to also mention Jigsaw 2, an anonymous parody by Adam Cadre. It’s a very short game (basically a single joke), but in my opinion a good one.
So let’s see how it begins…
No, wait, that was the OTHER game. But nevertheless, you have been foiled again. This time it’ll be different, though. For here you are at the studio, and—
Wait, this doesn’t look right. That car is hardly 60’s vintage, and it sure isn’t driving on the left. You peer through the window. That’s not John, Paul, George and Ringo — it’s Bill, Peter, Mike and Michael! Where’s that blasted— 87! It’s supposed to be 67, not 87! Argh! It’s enough to make you want to rip your black beret into pieces.
But wait. While that white-clad fool is waiting for you at Abbey Road, you have a chance to work some real mischief here. Maybe this is for the best. You listen at the window. “That’s great it starts with an earthquake,” eh? Very well, then. That may indeed be where it starts. But where it goes from there is up to you…
In this one we’re playing as Black, rather than White, and our goal is to change history, not to restore it. So where are we?
Outside the Studio
This was in fact one of the locations you scouted out before launching this caper, so you know exactly what new lyrics to sing outside the window to change the course of musical history, at least in a small way. “Okay, we have the chorus,” you hear Mike say. What? Are they done? Have you come too late? “And we have the first line,” he continues. “How’d that go again?”
“That’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an airplane, Lenny Bruce is not afraid,” Michael sings in reply.
“Okay, fine,” Mike says. Now let’s nail down the rest of the first verse.
Ah ha. You’re NOT too late. The rest of the first verse is something you are well equipped to supply. Of course, you can’t just blurt it out all at once… maybe just, oh, twelve words to start with. How’d your “new and improved” version start?
“Here is walkthrough you requested…” That’s right. So, from the top:
Time to change the course of musical history!
Black’s plan was to sing Pink Floyd, right?
>> so so you think you can tell
No, that’s not it at all.
“Okay, I think I have something,” Michael says. “Eye of—”
“—the tiger?” Bill interrupts. “Um, that’s already a Survivor song. It was in Rocky III and everyth—”
“No, not ‘eye of the tiger,’” Michael says. Mike and Peter roll their eyes at each other. Drummers.
Hmm. Maybe we need to use the Beatles here.
>> yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
No, that’s not it at all.
“As I was saying,” Michael says. “Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn, world serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs…”
Feh. Well, so much for that idea — it’s too late to change history now. Maybe next time you should stick to manipulating Jordy the Singing Baby.
*** You have failed ***
That’s not it either!
Well, this game was made for a very specific comp, known as either WalkthroughComp or TelegramComp. In 2001, Emily Short ostensibly received a very strange telegram:
HERE IS WALKTHROUGH YOU REQUESTED STOP YOU WILL SEE WHAT TO DO STOP THINK STOP X UPHOLSTER SEAT ZRBLM TAKE ALL N LISTEN FOLKS DRAW SWORD WAVE FAN DANCE ABOUT PAINT FENCE TAKE NEXT TURN SMOOTH DUCK DOWN ANESTHETI I EAT IT UNLOCK DOOR SWITCH PLOVER EGG STAND ON EAST SWING KNIFE LION PRAY GET MOUSE Z NW WAKE FISH SWIM DRINK DRINK READ LOOK UP DRESS BOOK SHIP PACKAGE PRESENT BOWL DROP TOY SLEEP PLAY STRING PICK POLISH APPLE EYE MIRROR POSE UNDO TRIM CORSET PUT GREY ON BLUE STAKE LIGHT FIRE HELP MAN STATION STOP WATCH XYZZY
Clearly a walkthrough of some sort! The goal of the competition was to make a game, or a transcript of a game, that this walkthrough was meant for. And that’s what inspired Cadre’s joke.
So let’s take this from the top!
Ah ha. You’re NOT too late. The rest of the first verse is something you are well equipped to supply. Of course, you can’t just blurt it out all at once… maybe just, oh, twelve words to start with. How’d your “new and improved” version start? “Here is walkthrough you requested…” That’s right. So, from the top:
>> HERE IS WALKTHROUGH YOU REQUESTED STOP YOU WILL SEE WHAT TO DO
Michael cocks an ear to the window. “My muse is speaking to me!” he declares. The others look at each other in bewilderment. “Bill, a drum roll if you please!” Bill obligingly plays the opening salvo. “That’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an airplane, Lenny Bruce is not afraid!” Michael croons. “Here is walkthrough you requested, stop you will see what to do!”
“Okay…” Mike says cautiously. “Then what?”
Indeed, then what? Hmmm. Maybe just seven words this time:
>> STOP THINK STOP X UPHOLSTER SEAT ZRBLM
Michael nods, as if in reply. “…you will see what to do!” he declares. “Stop think stop X! Upholster seat! Zrblm!”
“Did you just say ‘zrblm’?” Mike asks. “That’s not even a word!”
“Didn’t stop him from using it eight times in ‘Radio Free Europe,’” Peter points out.
Whoo, they’re going with it. Perhaps eleven words now:
>> TAKE ALL N LISTEN FOLKS DRAW SWORD WAVE FAN DANCE ABOUT
“Hey, I’ve got more,” Michael declares. “Take all N, listen folks, draw sword wave fan dance - a - bout.”
“I’m not really liking this,” Mike says.
“Fair enough,” says Michael. “How about ‘Feed it up a knock, speed grunt no strength no’?”
“Gah, that makes even LESS sense,” Mike replies. “On second thought, let’s go with what we have.”
With what you’ve giving them, rather. This is getting a bit tedious, though. Let’s try seeing if they can handle fourteen words at once:
>> PAINT FENCE TAKE NEXT TURN SMOOTH DUCK DOWN ANESTHETI I EAT IT UNLOCK DOOR
“Paint fence,” Michael commands.
“You got it, Mr. Miyagi,” says Peter.
Michael shakes his head. “Lyrics, people,” he says. “Paint fence, take next turn, smooth duck down. Anestheti, I eat it, unlock door— hey, is anyone writing this down? Or taping it?”
The guys in the control booth give him a thumbs-up. You, on the other hand, elect to give him another fourteen words:
>> SWITCH PLOVER EGG STAND ON EAST SWING KNIFE LION PRAY GET MOUSE Z NW
“Here’s the next line,” Michael says. “Switch plover egg stand on east swing knife lion pray get mouse z nw!”
“What I like about this song so far is that it really speaks to the young people,” Peter says.
Five words now:
>> WAKE FISH SWIM DRINK DRINK
“Okay, time for a vote,” Michael says. “Which do you like better: ‘Watch the heel, crush crush’ or ‘Wake fish swim, drink drink’?”
“Second one,” say the others in unison.
“Drink drink it is,” Michael says.
Okay, time to wrap this baby up. Twelve words!:
>> READ LOOK UP DRESS BOOK SHIP PACKAGE PRESENT BOWL DROP TOY SLEEP
The air suddenly grows disturbed. Time is short! Quick, eleven more words!
White is here! We have to finish!
>> PLAY STRING PICK POLISH APPLE EYE MIRROR POSE UNDO TRIM CORSET
White steps out of a pocket of disturbed air. The last thirteen words! Hurry!
We’re almost there!
>> PUT GREY ON BLUE STAKE LIGHT FIRE HELP MAN STATION STOP WATCH XYZZY
“From the top,” Michael says. “That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an airplane, Lenny Bruce is not afraid… here is walkthrough you requested, stop you will see what to do, stop think stop X, upholster seat, zrblm, take all N, listen folk, draw sword, wave fan, dance about, paint fence, take next turn! Smooth duck down, anestheti, I eat it. Unlock door switch plover egg stand on east swing knife lion pray get mouse z nw.” (He gasps for breath.) “Wake fish swim, drink drink, read, look up dress, book ship package present bowl drop toy sleep! Play string, pick polish apple eye mirror pose, undo trim. Corset, put grey on blue, stake light fire, help man station stop watch, XYZZY!”
WE’VE DONE IT!
With that, REM launches into the chorus of what is sure to be a surefire hit — and suddenly the air around you grows extremely disturbed and White’s tongue is in your mouth, but it’s too late. As history unravels, the air is filled with song:
History is changed! And that means…