How to avoid repetitive back-and-forth in choice-based dialog?

Authoring General Design Discussions
1

I’m working on a choice-based project for a creepypasta made for a turn-based strategy game using it’s built-in message system.

It’s supposed to be a ‘found game’ that an old developer made when going through a hard time. He has an author insert named David and a young woman named Susanna who has amnesia and who many people hate. The Great Nether is an undead force that stole Susanna’s memories and is stealing emotions and life from all the kingdom.

I’m using the built-in choice system which has character portraits and not a ton of room for dialog, so I’m doing a lot of back and forth. But I’m falling into the trap where one person says something and the other one rephrases it, like
(not my real dialog):
“I’m going on a quest!”
“you’re going on a quest?”
“Yes, and it will be incredible!”
“Oh, wow, it will be incredible!”

Here’s some of my actual dialogue:

David
-"Come on. Let's go."
Susanna
-"B--but Madeline..."

David
-"It's clear that the Great Nether has gotten to her as well."
   
Susanna
-"Wh--what do you mean? What did it do to her?"
	
David
-"..."
[option]
"It took away her memory of you."

	Susanna
	 -"So she knew me, then? Were we friends?"
	
	David
	-"She loved you, I thought. But that's gone, now."
			
[/option]
[option]
	"It took away her heart, and left only jealousy."
				
		Susanna
		-"J--jealousy about what?"
				
		David
		-"The love that others have for you. The queen, the king, and us, your servants."
					
[/option]
[option]
	"I don't know. Things used to be different."
				
	Susanna
	-"..."
	
	David
	-"Maybe I used to be different."
	
[/option]

I feel like it’s kind of ‘echo’/‘parrot’-y. Any suggestions on how to fix that?

I’m not really looking for amazing dialog because part of 'found footage"/‘found games’ is the idea that they’re kind of crappy but lure you in nonetheless. So I’m mostly looking for dialogue and choices to make the player sympathetic to Susanna.

5 Likes
2

I think making longer dialogue would help, so instead of clarifying questions the original speaker would just continue. Also, if it’s too one-sided of a conversation, consider turning the whole interaction into a monologue/journal entry/etc.

The interaction that you gave (the real one, not the example one which is definitely too much) doesn’t seem echoey to me. The only thing that I would change would be to combine the last dialogue option into one line: “I don’t know. Things used to be different. [pause, or just have this in the dialogue only (not the choice)] … Maybe I used to be different.”

2 Likes
3

Does the system force strict alternation of characters? Seems like mixing up the pattern could help, or introducing lines from a third source.

2 Likes
4

Yeah, that.

I think mixing up the pattern in any ways is key.

Don’t have answers be the same length as questions. Someone asks a long question, someone gives a short answer, someone says one word, the other person says a lot of words. Someone says what you’d expect, the other says something unexpected. My advice is to always attack basic dynamics and rhythms like this, especially in a situation where you don’t want the dialogue itself to be spectacular. This keeps pulling readers through, instead of sending them to sleep as a ping pong ball moves back and forth unchangingly. (Not that your demo dialogue was troubled. I agree with @Hidnook, it was fine.)

-Wade

4 Likes
5

Thanks for everyone’s help! The tips about varying dialogue and combining things will help a lot in future scenes I write. Thanks for the suggestions!

2 Likes
6

I don’t know about the rest of the game design and/or the limitations imposed by the framework, but in general I think there are two broad approaches to this kind of thing.

  • If there are two “important” bits of information in a particular branch of the dialog tree, then the branch can always just be collapsed into a single node. That is, instead of introducing the idea of going on a quest in one node and adding that it will be great in a different node, both of those points are made in a single node.
  • If that makes the node too chonky (or if you just want to add more flavor text and/or non-“important” dialog stuff) you can just insert additional player choices which all happen to lead to the same place: “I’m going on a quest!” gives the player the options “Take me with you”, “Bring me back a souvenir”, and “Send a postcard”, each of these options has a little bit of flavor text specific to the choice, but then (without further player input) proceeds to the “important” “it’s going to be great” option. If the branch isn’t one-and-done, you can leave the un-chosen choices in the menu and have them return just their specific flavor text (without repeating the “important” node they all previously led to), or the un-chosen options can just be pruned if you’re discouraging lawnmowering.
5 Likes