Can we make a better parser tutorial?

I am… amused? wryly irked? at the prospect of adopting this as a standard at a time when an increasing number of videogames are adopting the 'fuck it, this is expensive, let ‘em figure it out from Youtube or the wiki’ standard for tutorials.

This was one of the hotel-room panels at one of the IF PAX East things; I don’t remember all of it, in part because of the haze of profound depression that settled over the room. But the one thing I did take away from it was that you should never ask players whether they want a tutorial or novice mode; they’ll say no and then blame you for it. You should start with the tutorial and then hide a tiny little button somewhere that might possibly allow them to skip it.