500 Signs You Don't Know Enough IF

NGL this wigged me out so much in one of the Tumblr IF servers because someone was complaining about how all IF is the same tropes over and over again, and I suggested to look for different things on the IFDB and they were like “never heard of that”

So in honor of them:

  1. You think all IF has customizable PCs and romanceable companions and you’re bored of it

And in honor of someone else on that server:

  1. You think all IF has customizable PCs and romanceable companions so you have to give a disclaimer on your game that doesn’t have either which apologizes for the absence
10 Likes
  1. You randomly click on links in Choice-based IF because that always solves them, right?

  2. You examine everything you see and always use GET ALL because that solves all parser games, right?

9 Likes

What happened to 27 and 28?

5 Likes

:joy:
OH NO! I misread the numbers…
Lemme edit that

EDIT: ok fixed!

5 Likes
  1. The last time you played any IF was before any standardized authoring systems became popular.

  2. You had assumed IF had died with Colossal Cave Adventure.

7 Likes
  1. ASK MARVIN WHERE I CAN FIND SOMETHING TO CHEER HIM UP

(That actually happened, BTW)

  1. “What’s IF? Ohhh, it’s a coding thing. Wait, isn’t that a python thing?”

(This also, kind of)

5 Likes
  1. You found a company seeking to revive the long-dead genre of parser fiction, because if you loved Spellbreaker that much, there just has to be an untapped market waiting for more.
9 Likes
  1. Coding an RPG and call it IF.
5 Likes
  1. You ask why you never see a maze in an IF game.
8 Likes

I love mazes. I still type LIST before I try INVENTORY. I type XYZZY as my first command. I never play any text adventure with pictures. I wince at dreadful grammar and lazy spelling. I prefer puzzles over plot.

I am a self-confessed fossil.

7 Likes
  1. You tell a friend “I bet I could make an amazing game in five minutes that’s better than half of these games on [IFDB]!”
4 Likes
  1. You don’t draw maps.
5 Likes
  1. In a brief bout of madness, you decide writing an adventure game with a toy duck as the protagonist is a sensible use of your time.
  2. You believe others will also think this is sensible.
4 Likes
  1. You think it (44) will only take a week.
5 Likes
  1. Taking “You have died of Dysentery” as an insult, as opposed to nostalgia.
6 Likes
  1. You think Threediopolis is some film festival extravaganza.
1 Like
  1. You underestimate the appeal of mundane life simulators.
1 Like