500 Signs You Don't Know Enough IF

Due to the popularity of my “500 Signs You Play Too Much IF”, here’s the sequel!

  1. You think Level 9’s Dungeon is a port of Infocom’s Dungeon (Zork) and think 9 should be sued for such.

  2. You’re waiting for Infocom’s next game.

  1. You really wish someone would write IF adventures for “The Hobbit” and “Lord of the Rings”. They’re missing such great opportunities. And they wrote books for each based on the films so there’s already precedent.
  1. Someone asks if you promoted your game on Usenet and you say “What’s that?”

  2. You think Emily Short is a real name.

  1. Upon hearing someone exclaim “Xyzzy!”, you automatically interject “Gesundheit!”

  2. You haven’t heard use of the antiquated word “inventory” since your warehouse job years ago.

  3. You think that “text adventure” denotes Rogue-likes and that “interactive fiction” is that thing where I write a paragraph, invite readers to pick one of two potential plot avenues, and resume writing following the most popular choice.

  4. Flathead? That’s a screwdriver, right?

  5. You only know of one Scott Adams, and he writes and draws the Dilbert comic strip.

  6. Your main objection to gaming on mobile devices is the absence of a critical input device – a good joystick.

  7. The last time you saw a text parser in a game was Sierra’s Quest for Glory II in 1990 – maybe the console in Quake 1 in 1996 if you’re pushing things.

  8. You give directions indicating where left and right turns are made relative to nearby landmarks. You haven’t used compass points since Boy Scouts.

… And So Forth.

looks like this one died early…

I’ve been confused about this, actually–Writing with Inform and her Wikipedia article imply that it’s a pseudonym, but last year she was cited in a New Scientist article (and I doubt she would use a pseudonym for a published academic paper). There’s a conspiracy here, I’m sure of it… :laughing:

You’re planning on writing a great new text game, as soon as TADS 4 or Inform 8 are released.

  1. Conversely to an example in the other thread, you attempt to use Unix commands in IF.
  1. Darkness? Why would you be worried about venturing out into /that/?
  1. You wonder when Scott Adams had time to write games in between Dilbert strips.
  1. You’re really fond of mazes and think it’d be cool to include them in a game.

  2. Timed puzzles, too. It’s unlikely anyone’s ever thought of those.

  1. You think that it would be interesting to add more realism by using hunger and thirst daemons.
  1. You’ve heard about that Adam Cadre guy, but you’re worried 9:05 will be a My Lousy Workplace Game and I-0 may involve computers.
  1. Someone really ought to launch a yearly competition. You can’t believe no one thought of that idea yet.
  1. You wonder how Emily Short’s getting away with distributing fake simians.
  1. You think that there’s only one game called “Adventure” (and are confused by some of the variant forms such as ADVENT, Adventureland, etc).
  1. People use proper grammar nowadays?!?!?!