500 (Maybe 1000?) Signs You Play Too much IF

General Off-Topic Discussion
81
  1. When somebody asks you to pass a spoon, it is just about impossible for you to work out WHICH spoon they mean, even after you ask them to clarify: “Which spoon do you mean, the spoon, the spoon or the spoon?”
82
  1. You quite often find yourself wandering around with an entire bookcase when you only wanted to take a single book. You blame life’s inadequate programming for this.
83
  1. When confronted with a roomful of bookshelves, the only approach you can think of is to pick books from the shelves at random, then flip them open to random pages, and read no more than a paragraph or two before returning them to the bookshelf. No matter what you find, you refuse to read any further.
84

  1. You’re confident in your ability to immediately use any tool or device perfectly after picking it up and having a quick look at it. This goes for everything from electron microscopes to crossbows, regardless of your background, experience, or skillset. If for some reason this doesn’t work, you are sure it’s because you didn’t use the right verb.

  2. The idea that you might not be able to climb something (say, a twenty-foot cliff face) because your sad little arms lack the strength and stamina has never once crossed your mind. This applies even if you are a sedentary lump with a desk job and a filthy apartment.

  3. You’re not sure what the point of even having darkness is when you can just keep buying batteries for your flashlight.

  4. You carry a sword with you everywhere in case you run into an ogre. You don’t actually know how to use a sword, but you’re pretty sure it’ll come to you.

85

  1. You never buy anything that could plausibly be found lying around after a long enough search.

  2. You spend your free time coming up with interactive fiction jokes for an interactive fiction forum.

86
  1. Your apartment contains fewer than twenty things, and one of them is a desk with a single drawer.

(…I just checked my desk, and guess what.)

87
  1. Your desk often has something in it or something on it, but not both.
88
  1. You’re convinced that, despite all of its interactive trappings, life is still a Cadreian railed experience.

edit: 126.5) You take any philosophy on life from IF. I’m more of a Plotkinian myself.

89
  1. Even though you live in your house, you often find yourself required to search it frequently for every day items that, for some reason you’re never quite sure of, end up in strange places like beneath your bed, in that hidden space behind the fridge or under the carpet.
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90
  1. When choosing a mobile device, your two most important criteria are “it can play IF” and “it has a keyboard” (because those virtual keyboards just take up too much space).
91
  1. You regularly shout “ABOUT”, and become frustrated when no-one provides you with helpful information.
92
  1. You find yourself contributing item #130 to the ‘500 Signs You Play Too much IF’.
93
  1. Your dedicated gaming computer is seven years old.
94

  1. You are always surprised that you have to purchase new tickets every time you travel by air, train, bus, etc.

  2. When you pay for items, you either put all the money in your wallet on the counter and assume it’s correct, or you assume that the cashier already took your money and just walk away.

95

  1. You often rant about the dangers of open pits even in places where there clearly aren’t any.

  2. You like to eat goo.

  3. You get this weird urge sometimes to run around on the freeway naked.

  4. If some hot new graphics game does not run on the oldest system imaginable, you think it’s useless and wonder why the developers even bothered.

  5. You suspect nonsense words of harbouring supernatural power, but only if they are composed of exactly 6 letters.

  6. Occasionally you will just wait in one spot round the clock, just to see if anything will happen there, and then move say 100 feet away to another spot, and do it all again.

  7. When entering a new building with a complex layout, you decide that to avoid mapping, you will always turn left first, if possible.

  8. YOU HAVE LOST.

96
  1. You consider some people “verbose”.
97
  1. You passive-aggressively respond to requests to help out around the house with “I only understood you so far as wanting me to take out the trash.”
98

  1. You believe Emily Short > J K Rowling. (Although that might be true anyway.)

  2. You’ve considered building an actual machine do to what the virtual machine does and be designed solely to play IF games.

99

Have you been reading my mind? Or am I just much, much, much less original than I thought?

100
  1. Your singing is abominable.