I love it when people have brightly coloured front doors, because it always makes me wonder if it’s their favourite colour, or if it’s the favourite colour of someone they love very much- and it’s such a refreshing pop of colour in a sea of plain white doors. I saw two doors on the drive around town the other day- a canary yellow and a fire truck red one.
I had a good day today! Explored a nearby cemetery for the first time (I <3 cemeteries); it was bright and sunny but not too warm, and my little dog had fun running through the grass (and eating things she shouldn’t have…). I also finished a freelance fiction editing project (for which I enjoyed both the editing process and the story), did some fun IF Wiki spelunking and editing, playtested one game and partially playtested another, and wrote my first SeedComp review! I did not get to any household chores, but that’s what Sunday is for.
Round two of pre/early spring gardening.
We went to the garden shop yesterday and got a bunch of plants to plant directly in the garden soil. We consciously chose species which attract and nourish bees and butterflies, and which should fill our garden with a nice fragrance when the sun hits them.
The bulbs I planted in February have almost all sprouted. Even though they were planted on the same day, the pattern of shade in our little garden combined with the westerly orientation has made them bloom in shifts. Some of them are almost withered while others are just getting started.
I’m waiting until mid-april to plant a whole bunch of sunflowers to add some height and bright yellow to the whole.
For now, just sitting in our garden imagining the future flowers is already a delight.
Rested my eyes again by going for a walk in the forest.
It was so windy I almost lost my hat.
But SO PRETTY
Had this for dinner. Potato and salmon stew with cheese.
Speaking of cheese, Emily Short is well-known for being a big fan of it. Which brings me to one of the strangest pieces of IF lore other than the Golden Banana of Discord: the Cheese-Friendly Game Directory, which has a tier list of how much cheese the game has. Yes, it’s a tier list.
Still amazed by the unusual interests that IF authors like me have. Maybe there will be my own Video Game References in IF Game Directory. And my stuff tends to have lots of them.
I’m really, really excited for this weekend. I’m lucky enough to get to spend some time with two of my favourite people in the world then! I’m a bit of a wretched little introvert, and socializing is exhausting at the best of times- but I love them dearly, and I love spending time with them. It’s something that deeply enriches my life, and has brought me so much happiness in pretty bleak periods of it.
I’m delighted to be able to share my life with them. It’s such a gift and an honour to be able to make time and space in our lives for each other- and to just enjoy one another’s company. I’m proud of what they’ve achieved, I’m excitedly anticipating seeing what they will moving forwards- and while I, of course, am looking forward to our plans- the most important part is the people I’ll be spending that time with. Even if we sat around and didn’t do anything but chat aimlessly about the weather, I’d be happy.
Isn’t that such a lovely little thought? That I’m lucky enough to have things just so happen to align, that we’re able to be friends, here and now? The chances of that are pretty tiny, if you think about all the mathematical horrors bounding the universe. I’m glad that they exist. It reminds me that there are reasons for me to be happy to, too, even if that’s hard to hold onto sometimes.
I’m lucky enough to be able to love the people in my life, and to be loved in turn. It’s something terribly precious, and something that I don’t want to take for granted. So, I am excited, I am happy- and aglow with anticipation, savouring the buildup. To spend time with each other- that’s enough, that’s everything. The fun stuff we have planned is just cherries and cream on top. I’m so excited.
I saw a really sweet blog post that was celebrating the unexpected moments of happiness- when life surprises us with bright, sparkling moments. I love those too- they’re easier to handle, less nuanced with fearful anticipation and creeping doubts that simmer. (Hope is a haunted thing.)
But I love the structure of planned happiness. It means more to me, to put in the effort- of reaching out, of sparking connections, of laying silly little plans and not just daydreaming, but making them into concrete, executed plans, too. Of deliberately choosing to spend time together, of carving out the space for it. Of performing the work (and it is labour, but a labour of love) in cultivating the relationships in your life, for them to bloom richly.
When was the last time I told someone I loved, that I love them? Do the people in my life know that I cherish them? That I think the world of them? That they are a source of joy in my life- that I’m grateful for their presence in it? Do they know that I care for them? Have I demonstrated that? Have we established the sort of dynamic where we can trust in that, hold a sort of faith?
It’s a bit of a morbid thought- I’m sort of a morbid person. (It comes with the territory of being besotted with the Gothic, I suppose.) Sometimes it verges into terrific horror, a dysfunctional sort of anxiety- if I died, (if they died-) would they know that I had loved them? That I love them still? (Love is a sort of haunting in its own right. I’m thinking of you, you are here with me, I carry you in my heart with me always.)
Do I live my life in a way that I’m pleased with, am I happy with my conduct? Do I feel reassured in knowing that I’ve expressed the way that I feel, genuinely and honestly- no matter how potentially embarrassing, or terrifying it is? (Love is, in many ways, vulnerability. It’s opening yourself up to truly and deeply feeling, and caring. The reason it hurts so much sometimes is because you care. It wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t give a damn about their opinion.)
There are so many ways that we express that affection. (I love you, goodnight, welcome back, sleep well, I’m glad you’ve eaten well, no worries, I care about you, did you have lunch yet?, let me know when you arrive, I saw this and thought of you- you, you, you.) My life is permeated with reminders of the people I love- flowers blooming like those in his garden, churches that’d be right at home in her favourite genre, rapid fire French floating through a busy street. It’s all that much brighter, and well lived in, for it. It’s easier to stomach how bitter life is, when it’s so beautiful- because it reminds me that in spite of everything: there is this, at least this much.
Things are hard, sometimes. Joy is fleeting- difficult to coax forwards. But taking matters into my own hands- to make happy moments to share with the people I love: that matters. That means something. (It means everything.) So I missed you, so I love you- so I’m happy to spend time with you.
Last night I finished Manon’s entry for the Concours FI Francophone, Les Lettres de Docteur Jeangille. A truly wonderful interactive epistolary novella. I was musing on the work until after midnight, letting it sink in in all its beautiful detail.
Anyone who can read French fairly well should play this. For the others, I gather from the SpringThing blurb-thread that Manon is preparing an English translation.
One of the best IF-pieces I’ve played, and only the second choice-based game to make it into my Supercalifragilistic List.
→ Rovarsson’s Superlative Games - Recommended List (ifdb.org)
(@manonamora , merci encore une fois pour cette merveilleuse pièce de FI littéraire).
A light touch in passing, a blooming branch from a Spring-exploded tree, a silent wink across the room when you look up from your books at the same time, a basil leaf freshly picked from the herb garden on a plate of pasta pomodoro, the right song at the right time, a drawing of an idyllic dream-place,…
This is the fabric that holds all life together. Let us treasure it, lest evil comes and destroys it and it’s too late.
this is so amazing
Uhm… Manon, If that gif is in any way suggestive of your true behaviour right now, I would suggest you find the nearest docteur. Or cold shower. Or even a mud-puddle to splash around to shed some excess energy.
I love your story, but there’s no need to get epileptic about that fact.
Facts are: you wrote a story. I loved it.
Wait… You’re right, let’s impersonate shaking dancing squirrels together, because you deserve frantic dancing!
Starting 5…4…3…2…1…
I am truly awed by how fast you found that. I suspect you have that squirrel dancing group on speed-dial or something, for any occasion that needs a bit of pizzazz while the clowns are stuck in traffic.
I’m dancing along by the way…
Everything in its right place…
In the vein of love, I nearly started crying yesterday because I was overwhelmed with how surprised and lucky I am to actually be dating my boyfriend, like for some reason I dissociated from the fact we’ve been dating for 9 months and was like “holy shit this is really happening??”
And my husb and I are rounding on 5 years of being together too
I’ve been having a crummy day today, but I did pack myself a little snack for after lab, and that was nice. I wore my scarf that I embroidered flowers onto, and my red woollen hat, and it’s nice to know that I’ve taken care of myself even if I didn’t feel much up to it. And I get to sleep in and stay home tomorrow. So I’m pleased about that.
I got a good chunk of work done on an assignment. I got a surprise treat (yum.) Very sleepy. My natural nails have grown out quite a lot- and even though one broke today suddenly, (from the cold I suppose, they tend to get more brittle in winter- it snowed earlier!) i filed them all down rounded off and smooth, so I won’t injure myself in my sleep. Looking forward to sleeping in without an alarm.
Past couples weeks I’ve been dreading flying to Southern California for my friend’s wedding solely because i hate airports. Girlfriend and I’s flight was supposed to be around 5pm MST yesterday and at noon we both said “we both hate flying and airports what if we drove?” We immediately cancelled the flight and got the only rental enterprise had (2024 Toyota Tacoma).
Drove from western Montana, down to Idaho Falls, Idaho and got dinner, them got into Salt Lake City, Utah to sleep on the hotel around 11pm. Woke up at 6am and started driving. Went through all of Utah, then abour 30mi of Arizona, and down through Las Vegas and was having the time of our lives.
Last three hours driving into California was absolute hell on Earth. Its about 1200mi from our house to Los Angeles and takes 18~ hours but the last three hours are pretty much exclusively in traffic in California.
Finally arriving and meeting all my childhood friends(girlfriend’s first time meeting them) for drinks was really great, especially since I haven’t seen some in a decade or more. Even more great because I have the girlfriend who is down to abruptly decide to go on a long road trip.