I’d love to get some feedback as to what you think. Doesn’t have to be positive, I can take it.
I like your work. There’s a lightness and fluidity to the words you choose, short lines and short stanzas, with harder meanings underneath. It’s interesting that you sometimes write two poems with the same title back to back - that’s an unusual choice.
“Autobiography #2” and “Autobiography #3” are my favorites. They do feel like autobiographies - real stories grounded in real emotion and real experience, that have something important to convey about the person writing them.
By contrast, “The tribe stands there” (both versions) feels generic. Out of context, they read like there’s some stereotyping or cultural appropriation going on. There’s a sense of exoticization - red paint on the face, tattoos, visible breasts, torches - but nothing that suggests a real people.
Thanks. Let me know if you’d like to chat!