In advance of the black tie and gown awards ceremony tomorrow, it’s time for the sweatpants and crocks event I inflict on you all first, the ASTOOTIE awards! These are every bit as subjective and affectionate as you have come to expect, by which I mean if any of these are unwelcome, it means I am doing it badly. As always, let’s dispense with the math first.
ASTOOSTATS
For several years now, the polish on these works has impressed me, yet somehow this year ups the ante a bit! Congrats to all the authors for their hard work making these such a joy to engage.
As far as pop culture numbers go, it seems to be a tradition to spread pretty evenly among my categories, the more surprising given my lack of discipline to JUST KEEP ADDING. I would say the Babadook surprised me a bit on the lower end, but on reflection that is likely a case of multiple categories applying, and the hat guy coming up short.
Without further ado, here is the 2025 edition of the
ASTOOTIE Awards
The Ribbon Runners. The works that made me pull my hair deciding BIS. One of 'em won it. All of 'em coulda.
Hauntless
The Little Match Girl Approaches the Golden Firmament
Social Democracy: Petrograd 1917
Spring Gothic
Wayfarers
The Meatloaf Casseroles. Comfort Food like Momma made. The entries that evoked a specific time, property, or gaming experience from my younger days.
blackberry bloodbath
Cut the Sky
Hell Ride
Retool Looter
Terra Nova - The Mystery of Zephyr’s Landing
The “Killing or Stronger?” Commemorative Coin. For the entries that explicitly tested my most obvious triggers: felineophobia, poetic verse, or my own self-importance. The coin is for flipping.
Espresso Moka
idle phone simulator
Marbles, D, and the Sinister Spotlight
Starfish & Crystallization
The “Did not See that Coming” Cup, to the works that most surprised and confounded me with conceits, execution and/or impact.
Echoes
Elaine Marley and the Ghost Ship
The Goldilocks Principle
Portrait with Wolf
The Sandman
Terra Nova - The Mystery of Zephyr’s Landing
The Snack Bowl, to the works whose short runtime and out of scale punch made them a delight to gobble down
As the Fire Dies
As I Sat on a Sunny Bank (all entries)
The Goldilocks Principle
Stowaway
We Stole a Ship to Run a Scam
The “Character Matters” Achievement Award, to uniquely memorable character creations:
Canvas Keepsakes
Cut the Sky
Elaine Marley and the Ghost Ship
Radiance Inviolate
Spring Gothic
And, to cap off the festivities, here are your 2025 HORROR ICON WORKS OF IF. Gaze at their unbridled transgressiveness and menace… IF YOU DARE.
Babadook: Spring Gothic
Carrie: blackberry bloodbath
Freddie Krueger: Espresso Moka
Jigsaw: Hauntless
Leatherface: Canvas Keepsakes
Pinhead: Echoes
Regan/Pazuzu: Wayfarers
and of course…
The Crypt Keeper: As I Sat on a Sunny Bank
Thanks to the organizer(s?) for another super smooth, super well-run event, a highlight of my spring. Thanks to the authors for a wonderful slate of work that was joy to engage. Thanks to the reviewers for shedding light into my blind spots over and over again. I really need that light, turns out.