Occasionally the spam is fun

General Off-Topic Discussion
1

Most of the spam we get on this forum is either phishing, luxury handbags, or Ray-Ban sunglasses. But occasionally we get one like this:

Dear Friend,

My name is (Staff Sgt) STEVE GRAY , I’m an American soldier, who
is part of the term deployed to Iran on a secret mission to
monitor and prevent their bad leaders from achieving their
nuclear weapons and also to help them fight against terrorist.

Right now, I have a very desperate need for assistance and have
summoned up courage to contact you. I’m seeking your kind
assistance to move the sum of Eight Million United States Dollars
(US$8M) to you in the United States as far as I can be assured
that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my
service here.

The money was discovered in a barrel at a farmhouse near
Ayatollah Ali khamenei’s old house during a rescue operation. I
and Staff Sgt Kenneth Buff saw the money first and it was agreed
that we share part of it between us before informing anybody
about it.

I have now found a very secure way of getting the package to you
at home and I will discuss this with you when I’m sure that you
are willing to assist me.

Regards,

Sgt STEVE GRAY

I didn’t realize American soldiers were helping the Iranians fight against terrorists! That’s a better casus belli than most of the ones I’ve heard.

17 Likes
2

To be fair “The money was discovered in a barrel at a farmhouse near” sounds totally out of an IF.
> Look in barrel

8 Likes
3

…I am also curious about this “rescue operation”.

3 Likes
4

Poor guy, he got demoted while he was in the middle of writing this letter.

20 Likes
5

Probably a passing officer read it over his shoulder.

“Oh really Gray, not this stealing-millions-from-the-barrels crap again. DEMOTION!”

-Wade

12 Likes
6

Perhaps there’s an opportunity for the spam to inspire games ideas.

3 Likes
7

The very niche game of the Interactive Fiction Community Forum moderators cleaning up spam. Written for a potential audience of four whole people!

5 Likes
8

Apparently this fighter against terrorism doesn’t understand stealing a country’s wealth is a war crime. Probably part of Hegseth’s new rules of engagement.

4 Likes
9

A sequel to You are SpamZapper 3.1?

2 Likes
10

And now I wonder if there are any IF titles where you have any dealings with a Nigerian Prince…

4 Likes
11

Very RE:Dragon tbf, lol.

1 Like
12

Maybe they were trying to rescue $8M from Ayatollah’s house before their commanding officers found out?

2 Likes
13

Hey, I’ve seen that movie!

2 Likes
14

I always wondered why you get money for smashing pots and barrels in games like Zelda or similar. It’s nice to finally know that Ayatollah Khamenei put it there.

10 Likes
15 
> X BARREL
You see nothing special about the barrel.

> SEARCH BARREL
It's filled to the brim with money!
9 Likes
16

Just two weeks ago I got a spam email with the title “100% weight loss”. I found that extremely funny :slight_smile:

11 Likes
17

the late Khamenei, 8M$ in a barrel, a farmhouse: Good ingredients for the good’ol SpeedIF, I daresay…

amused regards from Italy,
dott. Piergiorgio.

2 Likes
18

It was very brave to include not only his, but also his partner’s full name with proof of their illegal activity. “Ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, huh?”

4 Likes
19

That’s probably why he got demoted mid-email!

3 Likes