No Time To Waste

Hello everyone! I’ve decided to release my permanent beta, No Time To Waste. It’s a permanent beta because it’s a blatant rip-off of Don’t Sh*t Your Pants by Cellar Door Games, so I don’t feel like I deserve to call it my own game.[1] It’s my first IF game, so I picked the shortest game I could find to replicate.

The game is really short—you could probably 100% it in 5-10 minutes. It takes multiple playthroughs, which are covered within the game (no need to restart).

Treat this as a beta-tester or a player, as a beta or a released game, whatever you’d like! I may update this post with later versions. [2]

You’ve just eaten a delicious meal. So delicious, in fact, that you finished your plate. And then some. Now your stomach is churning and you’re kind of regretting eating that last plate. You really, really need go.

A study/knock-off of Don’t Sh*t Your Pants by Cellar Door Games.

No Time to Waste.gblorb (635.8 KB)
NTTW source.txt (21.4 KB)

  1. Should I add this to the IFDB? ↩︎

  2. If you’d like to help test, please send me transcripts. Things to look out for: all instances of pooping should result in an ending. Try to break the game—see what works and doesn’t. If you have any grammar or comedy suggestions, let me know! You can also take a look at the Inform 7 source code and give me suggestions/feedback. ↩︎

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  • Each hint under the headings gets progressively more specific/spoilery.
  • Ordered by ease/lack of spoilers.
  • Each section is independent; you won’t get spoiled for a different ending.
  • The last hint of each section will reveal the answer.

How do I open the door?

OPEN DOOR doesn’t work. What error message do you get?

You can’t push the door open.

Maybe the door opens the other way.


Pooing 101

Imagine what a child would do if you gave them this game and told them you could poo.

POO on your first turn after beginning the game (exiting Menu).

Mr. Efficient

What’s the fastest way to not poo your pants?

You don’t even need to get into the bathroom.


Slow typer

The original game had a timer instead of a turn counter. The title makes more sense in that context.

If you’re a slow typer, what will tick down?

Maybe a better title for this is “Slow decision-maker”.

Try taking too long (turn-wise) to reach an ending.

If you WAIT six times after starting, you will get this ending.

Thinking inside the box

What do you typically do when you need to poo?

You need to go to the bathroom.

See “How do I open the door?” above.

Now you’re in the bathroom.

What do you need to do now?


So close…

You might have accidentally reached this instead of the “thinking inside the box” achievement.

This ending involves almost being successful, but not quite.

You need to go to the bathroom first.

See “How do I open the door?” above.

Now you’re sitting on the toilet.

What do you do when you need to poo and you’re sitting on the toilet?


At the starting gun

You need to poo before the game starts.

When can you do this?

There is one section before the “official” game starts.

POO while in Menu.

(Holding off) the inevitable

These two achievements are actually the same ending.

Have you tried checking your clothes for anything useful?

Your pants, in particular, have something you might find helpful.

There is medicine in your pocket.

They only activate after 15 turns.

You don’t have 15 turns. You only have 10.

You need to find a way to buy yourself more time so the medicine activates.

There’s a secret poo-related verb that the game doesn’t tell you about.

If you FART, it might help you.

Never mind, it’s too strong.

Maybe if you could fart more gently?


Now you have enough time for the pills to take effect.



The name of this achievement is a play on the term “seppuku”.

What is “seppuku”?

It’s an honorable suicide for samurai.

You can commit sep-poo-ku too.



You can only get this once you’ve gotten all the other achievements.

No, seriously.

This is the achievement you get for getting the other achievements.

Go get those other achievements.

…What are you still doing here?