Everything Wrong With Doctor Who - The Day of The Doctor

(Before we start the list, this cavalcade of utter idiocy, happens in almost every Moffat Doctor Who episode. Moffat really makes Uwe Boll look intelligent.)

Everything Wrong With Doctor Who - The Day of The Doctor:


Too. Many. References.

Boy runs halfway across school because somebody’s doctor calls.

Rich school can’t afford a biker teacher a private locker to store her biking gear in.

The Doctor leaves an address to the middle of nowhere.

Biker woman does a casual chicken race with the TARDIS main control panel.

“Advanced Quantum Mechanics”, written by absolutely nobody.

“Anchient mesopotamia, future Mars and cocktails on the moon.” - Series expects english audience to identify and feel sorry for spoiled, snobbish people.

The impregnable TARDIS kidnapped by a common towing helicopter, and somehow can’t escape it.

Referrence to the most popular doctor in the series, that made nerds look cool, handled by having a stereotypical dorky nerd woman wear a scarf.

Intelligence agency had no idea that The Doctor was still inside his own giant time-machine, and executive is shocked and surprised over this.

Intelligence agency hopes to force a meeting with The Doctor by kidnapping his TARDIS, in broad daylight. WOULD “it kill them to knock”?

Apparently the TARDIS has four hand holds installed on the underside of it, just in case somebody needs to hold on to it while it’s flying.

Companion girl seems overly pleased with The Doctor hanging by his arms, instead of trying to supply him with a rope.

Eight red doubledecker busses can be seen in the same shot of London. What are the odds?

Intelligence agency brings a man hanging from a police box suspended by helicopter, to a meeting with armed special forces soldiers and the agency executive,

in the middle of a square outside the national gallery in broad daylight, surrounded by an onlooking crowd, and executive isn’t fired on grounds of insanity.

Intelligence agency executive brings her daughter everywhere, because nepotism.

“Chief scientific officer” - Intelligence agency executive has bogus title.

Intelligence agency is blindly acting on sealed orders from 17th century queen.

The Doctor tries to impress companion by claiming he’s actually working for british intelligence.

3D painting is kept in civilian british gallery.

An advanced time-travelling culture can paint in extremely detailed 3D, but still uses oil paint instead of computer rendering.

Judging by the flying lasers in the background, the painter painted this during an overwhelming assault on his home planet, before we assume he was killed

and the painting destroyed.

Time-travelling culture uses Earth greek letter priorities, just in reverse.

Doctor needs a soldiers gun during the middle of an assault, to write grafitti with.

Judging by these shots, half of Gallifrey consists of innocent little children.

“Exterminate!” repeated for the billionth time - the only thing really impressive about The Doctors most feared enemies, are their spooky voice synthesizers

and narrow vocabulary. They really ARE using harsh language instead of guns.

The Daleks triumphanty exclaim that they have the last surviving time lord surrounded, on the home planet of the time lords.

Doctor pilots the TARDIS through stone wall, like if he’s driving a car.

Time lord commander is more concerned with The Doctor, than the Dalek assault. Apparently the rogue time lord is the bigger threat to their planet.

The most secret weapon of a forbidden weapons storage, is kept on display in the center of one of its rooms.

Doomsday weapon is named after pure cheese, just so somebody can go: “The moment is gone!”

Single farm storage cottage in the middle of an arid desert.

Sticks and green leaves on the ground of said cottage.

Sentient doomsday device from advanced civilization uses clockwork technology with exposed moving parts.

Doctor doesn’t question a woman appearing in an empty room in the middle of an arid desert.

Series has a real extreme, unhealthy obsession with children. According to The Doctor, only actual children have human value, and the rest you can apparently

just eradicate without even counting them.

British intelligence agency is trustworthy enough to hand Doctor Who sealed instructions without first scanning the paper for its contents and forging a

letter writing additional demands. Doctor Who chooses to trust them enough to buy a common wax seal.

“Deadly danger to England is locked away” for centuries in the undergallery of the national gallery, instead of safely in a high-security military


Elisabeth I was quite famous for never marrying, yet refers to The Doctor as “my husband”.

White lab coats are standard science wear in the national gallery.

The Doctor uses the fact the Elisabeth I was famous for never marrying, as the prime evidence for her actually being a space alien.

The Doctor likes to date people he suspects to be shapeshifting space aliens, and take them for horse rides inside his TARDIS.

The Doctor produces a ridiculously huge shapeshifter DNA detector from his back pocket, which doesn’t make a sound until he brings it out.

The Doctor remarks that somebody he suspects to be a zygon, is a remarkably good kisser. He willingly kissed an alien that he knows has "venom sacs in its


Horse in background flips around from side to front and side again, before turning into a zygon.

Zygon infiltrates queens picnic disguised as a ridden horse.

Zygon doesn’t close the distance as a horse before turning back, and ends up being outrun.

The Doctor comment on him destroying history by marrying Elisabeth I.

Tennants doctor is brought back only to have his reknowned brilliance be made a fool of repeatedly.

You can tell who’s the real Elisabeth I. She’s the one acting like a gleeful she-devil. Also, why isn’t the zygon bleeding from stab wounds at this point?

Secret gallery is hidden behind huge painting.

Said painting is depicting Elisabeth I standing beside a strange man, yet lacks even a name plaque.

The only person NOT a member of an intelligence agency, is observant enough to notice and conclude that a gallery floor shouldn’t be covered in sand.

A lit blowfish and a fez is deemed “too dangerous for public consumption”.

“Glass is on the outside” mystery cliché.

The Doctor “almost remembers” a dangerous reality fissure, yet reacts as if he was expecting it sooner or later.

The Doctor delights in wearing fezes, despite him distinctively remembering recieving a fez from a portal on the day he vaguely remembers blowing up

Gallifrey. Does “trauma association” mean anything?

The Doctor bullies himself.

The Smiths Doctor apparently wears glasses.

Doctor gets kissed by an alien with venom sacs on its tounge, but never suffers any ill effects from it.

The royal guard wants to behead The Doctor over the queen being “bewitched”, despite her being the real queen. Has killing a zygon just made her unusually


“What are you gonna do - assemble a cabinet at them?” The Doctor’s screwdriver has never assembled anything to this date.

Given that there’s no other humans in the gallery, why isn’t Clara a zygon at this point?

The Doctor jokes about there being wi-fi to 17th century guards. Lame.

Instead of bringing some dust to a lab, why not bring the whole lab down to the dust instead?

One of the covered statues are praying like a crying angel, yet they’re all just zygons.

The secret door to the secret gallery, is made out of two centimetre plaster.

Instead of routinely using “memory filters” to wipe the memories off all the visitors of the “black archive”, including the guards, why not simply put the

displayed objects in unnamed boxes instead, marking them “Do Not Open”?

Clara Oswald is apparently an undercover infiltrator working for UNIT, with a “top level security rating”. She just doesn’t remember it.

UNIT makes an entire secret vault “TARDIS proof”, yet as long as his companions are screened, they’re cleared to enter.

The TARDIS proofed vault contains a vortex manipulator which is meant to open time portals in unclear ways, that the Doctor both knows about and is the sole

possessor of the activation code to.

UNIT is afraid that the US would steal and use a time altering device for their own shoddy ends, yet it never occurs to them that they could use it


Seriously, what is it with The Doctors obsession with children? It’s not even creepy - it’s autistic.

Doctor conducts a genius plan that depends on him programming his screwdriver, getting out of the cell, meeting up with his former selves, being imprisoned

again, getting out of the cell again, meeting up with himself again, and getting imprisoned again. What’s a time paradox?

The cell door to the tower of London, is apparently not only not locked, but also has no lock at all.

Elisabeth I talks as if she’s a zygon despite no other zygon being around.

Apparently the zygons need to keep their victims alive and covered with tentacles to retain their form, so why can the zygon imitating the escaped nerd girl

retain her form?

After getting rid of the zygons, how come Elisabeth I doesn’t simply destroy the paintings, or have The Doctor dispose of them on an empty planet, or warn

anyone about the pictures containing future-invading zygons? Is she clueless about how the present and the future is connected?

The zygons initial plan is to travel forward in time, to acquire the vortex manipulator, along with its activation code, so that they can… …do what

exactly? Travel back in time to acquire the means to travel forward in time?

How does Elisabeth I “procure” the TARDIS? Was it stolen in the first place?

Marriage ceremony conducted in a tent outside a perfectly good castle presumably with a perfectly good chapel.

Again, Elisabeth I was quite famous for never marrying.

As a precaution, a nuclear bomb can be activated that will blow up The Black Archive, and The Tower of London. …and LONDON??? “Unbelievably stupid” is an


The Black Archives appears to contain a Dalek. Wouldn’t this superior foe be better suited being disassembled and reverse engineered for improved beam

weapons and plating?

“This is not a decision that you will EVER be able to live with!” Compare this with “Once you make it down here alive, you’re already dead.”.

The TARDIS can’t land in the archives, but a vortex manipulator worked just fine.

How did the three doctors get into the painting of Gallifrey? Did they all travel there? Did they manage to somehow find a shard of it? I thought Gallifrey was a planet locked away beyond time and space. …to keep the time lords imprisoned.

The solution is to have both parties negotiate a treaty. …for the shapeshifters to live on Earth, and hope that they behave?

Inhaler reveals that one of them has figured out that they’re a zygon, but the scene doesn’t lead anywhere.

We never see the treaty resolve, Doctor Who doesn’t solve it, and it is never brought up again.

The two future doctors travel to the shed where Hurts doctor is intending to blow himself up, intending to blow themselves up with him, and Hurts doctor is still determined to blow them all up because they turned out just fine. Yes, he’s somehow promised to survive by The Moment, but the moment isn’t time-locked, so won’t the other two doctors die when they explode? Won’t Clara explode?

Smith’s Doctor is dubbed the Doctor Doctor, despite having behaved as a complete child throughout the seasons.

Seriously, stop it with the fucking children already. If I ever see another child, I’m gonna barf all over them.

Smith’s doctor easily disables a doomsday device with a screwdriver, the same device that Hurt’s doctor tried to operate with his bare hands despite him also having a screwdriver.

The doctors come up with a brilliant plan that they all cheer about to drive it home to the viewers: The Daleks aren’t expecting two more time lords on the time lord homeworld.

The Daleks surrounding Gallifrey are all expected to “destroy themselves in their own crossfire”. This would only work if all Daleks were of diametrical opposites, and wouldn’t know how to stop firing or navigate to avoid laser beams. That the most horrible plan that Tennants doctor has ever come up with.

The strategic battle map is dumbed down to “Gallifrey Stands” in big letters. Moffat wouldn’t want a five year old watching this show to not get this.

“I don’t supposed we’ll ever know if we actually succeeded.” - So to recap, a 3D painting is described to be “a slice of real time”, painted with the use of a “stasis cube”, and can be used for suspended animation, and the doctors all come up with the plan to stasis Gallifrey, using stasis cubes, to make it “frozen in an instant of time, safe and hidden away, exactly like a painting”, yet nobody figured out where Gallifrey went after that.

Hurt’s Doctor aims to be half the man Clara is, despite her never having shown him any bravery.

After a big introduction, Hurt’s Doctor is only the Doctor for a single episode. By the way, with Hurt’s doctor actually counting as a real Doctor now, does this make Smith’s Doctor actually the twelfth Doctor? …making all the references to the number eleven in the series really pointing to Tennant’s Doctor?

Hurt’s Doctor seems to choose the most tarnished TARDIS, and Tennant’s Doctor the half-tarnished, leaving Smith with a brand new TARDIS instead of the oldest one.

The Doctor muses about becoming a curator of the undergallery despite Elisabeth I having already appointed him that very title at the beginning of the episode.

Mysterious visit from a not-so-mysterious Fourth Doctor, who apparently grew old and retired as a gallery curator instead of regenerating.

Congratulation scene doesn’t make the least bit of sense, and interrupts dialogue saying basically “What will you do now? Who knows?”.

To recap, at this point everybody watching knows where the “lost” Gallifrey went. Watch Doctor Who spending the next seasons running around looking for Gallifrey in the most mindnumbing seasons yet, and find it in some complete other way and place, because “the painting is what the viewers would expect, so we can’t have that”.

Close on line of Doctors, containing doll-looking Doctor dolls and the visage of the fourth doctor frozen in an inhuman grin.

One of the knitting nerds on my social media mentioned that they used the wrong stitch for the scarf, if you need one more for the list. I personally have only seen like ten episodes of Doctor Who and one of them was the one where the vicar is a wasp, so I hope I can be forgiven for finding the entire series impossibly silly.

You are not the only person who thinks the series is silly, I managed to make it through about four episodes before I decided, this show was made for Brits and proceeded to watch reruns of Firefly

While it wasn’t a flawless episode, on the whole I enjoyed it.

Moffat at his best (Blink, The Impossible Austronaut/Day of the Moon, Asylum of the Daleks) is very good. Moffat at his worst is bad, and series 7 had lots of issues. But I think bad Moffat is still better than RTD at his best.

Doctor Who is ridiculous on every level. I have a lot of friends though that take it quite seriously. Admittedly, it’s probably better than a lot of television I watched as a child (I tried rewatching The Tribe last year and it was abysmal), but that’s not really saying much.

Moffat’s view of women is… let’s just go with “horrible.” He’s the kind of person whose views would be measurably improve by attending an equality seminar held by Robert Jordan. His stories are samey and reliant on a handful of overused tropes. He’s a competent scriptwriter and skilled at turning a phrase, but that doesn’t change the fact that his stories, despite their level of melodrama and bombast (yes, this is also true of RTD), are such utterly hollow and narcissistic affairs. That aside, however, he has one flaw that is unforgivable:

He takes no risks. Yes, there are threats, yes, there is danger (huge, overinflated danger in fact, because the Doctor in Moffat’s view is the most important person that ever was or will be), but somehow it will be resolved without true loss (loss will always be mitigated before the end of the episode, which we saw with River in the Library, with Amy, and latest in the special that I happened to quite enjoy despite its Moffatness. Moffat is quite simply too afraid to truly hurt the doctor or show him in anything less than awesome light (compared to RTD’s run, Moffat’s Doctor has some decidedly boosted character shields). Writing something like The Family of Blood or Midnight would be alien to him, simply because it wouldn’t be about affirming the Doctor’s awesomeness.

I quite liked Moffat back when he offered just the occasional episode. He was different enough to add flavor to the regular stew, and his conventions hadn’t yet become stale. Now? All flavor, all the time. Which sounds nice, until you realize it’s the same flavor.

Eleas, I’d agree with what you said! There hasn’t been much real character development recently, and his female characters definitely seem more like plot devices than characters sometimes. That said, season 6 had some really good episodes by other writers, namely The Girl Who Waited and The God Complex. I’m hoping that in season 8 he’ll stop trying to dig into the mythology of either the doctor or his companions, which ultimately is never as satisfying as you’d hope, and that he’ll use his other writers more effectively. If he can do that then I can forgive him for keeping his episodes as puzzle boxes rather than character based, because the others will carry it along.

Those who aren’t fans really ought to watch “Blink”, which is thought to be one of the best by everyone I’ve ever heard. (Though it isn’t a typical episode, as it’s a Doctor-lite episode.)

I miss the Tom Baker days … :cry: :wink:

It’s somewhat funny, because other knitting nerds have figured out the detailed color pattern of it, and posted it on the internet, so they probably used that pattern to get an exact replica, but got the stitching wrong.

It depends heavily on what doctor you watch. The only doctor I hold dear, is Tennants doctor, because he was a cross between Carl Sagan and Indiana Jones. He knew his part, and the seasons with him were realistic.

Except for the parts like when everyone thought/prayed his name which magically de-aged him. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’d agree with that. I thought The Girl Who Waited was okay and The God Complex was sweet, although (perhaps not surprisingly) I prefer The Doctor’s Wife. Also, I hope he allows the Doctor to really get hurt, because I came into DW during Eccleston’s run and that seemed to be what the show was all about.

Blink was pretty good, but the Weeping Angels have grown so annoying by now that it’s started to ruin my appreciation for the episode.

Proving that RTD also made some pretty awful decisions. :slight_smile:

Nice turn of phrase.

Yes, there was one thing wrong with Tennants doctor, and that was the Jesus/savior imagery that erupted into that one cringe-worthy finale.

Thank you.

Yeah, and RTD’s ham-fisted way of handling Deus ex Machinae hardly improved matters. His usual model was to balance the climaxes with a dose of tragedy, but that didn’t always work, and even though I found Simm’s portrayal of the Master sort of quirky and amusing, his death was hardly gut-wrenching, particularly given his reappearance later on.

Thing is, Davies was very uneven. There were often cringe-worthy bits in a given story side-by-side with awesome ones. I find myself missing that unpredictability; right now, everything feels extremely safe and unthreatening.

As a member of the Dr Who fan club of Australia since age 8, I’ve been vaguely saddened I haven’t liked the resurrected series much. I kept getting newsletters during all those years of the vast downtime of the show (87-96, 96-Eccleston). Everyone was pining for Who to return in some form, and hopped at each mention of a possible film or resurrection which, in every single case except Paul McGann’s, went nowhere. For almost 20 years. And then finally the show comes back and takes off, and I don’t like it. There is a quality of personal bedragglement to that outcome. But a lot of it is just that don’t like the aesthetic of current TV. I’d always rather go watch another feature film, and find even a poor film has the confidence to do stuff that TV shows don’t do.

The general levels of bombast, freneticism, vastly increased scale and ceaseless striving for maximum jeopardy of the new show are not what I liked about classic Who. I liked broody scenes, and long scenes where people can talk a lot about serendipitous stuff, or the Doctor and Romana can sit and have a cup of tea in someone’s house without the sets exploding around them. Sure, the universe will be in grave jeopardy, but not every 5 seconds.

So I liked Eccleston enough and followed him through, and had ‘the show’s back’ excitement. But I disliked Tennant and from them on I couldn’t be bothered watching due to all I just talked about.

I watched the Day of the Doctor having not watched what Matt Smith’s been up to since his first episode, and I was surprised to find I enjoyed it immensely. I also like that Gallifrey is back in the frame. Anyway it’s enough that I will give the new series my third try.

The docudrama ‘An Adventure in Space and Time’ was also really good.


Was the OP intended in a much more ironic way than everyone is taking it? I seriously scrolled down to see who would laugh first, but instead everyone is taking it in perfect earnest.

No, I am being serious. Since Moffat took over, I’ve cringed for every Doctor Who episode - even the 90% that he’s only had to do with through letting some random guest writer write things for him. It’s his utter stupidity and his obsession with children, that completely ruins the show. It’s like he took the show and dragged it between a childs buttcheeks, leaving a skidmark across it. If they replaced him with Uwe Boll, the show would actually get BETTER.

I thought Andreas was serious, but I also thought it wouldn’t be productive to do any sort of point by point response.

And I thought the Red Dwarf or MST3K crowd were extreme. I’m glad I never got into Dr. Who, because if I did, I’d be just as extreme, and frankly I haven’t got the energy. :slight_smile: I have enough fun with Dwarf and MST, old though they are.