22 | LATEX, LEATHER, LIPSTICK, LOVE, LUST
22 | LATEX, LEATHER, LIPSTICK, LOVE, LUST
by: THE BODY & THE BLOOD
Progress:
- Unfortunately, I timed out at the two-hour mark. The last screen I saw was Act III, Lipstick. (I was having some trouble telling whether the screens were appearing at the end of the act or at the beginning of that act, so I’m unsure if I completed 2 or 3 of the acts.) The piece is deeply engrossing, so I definitely would’ve continued reading if not for the competition judging time limit.
Things I Appreciated:
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The writing voice is so, so good. It’s hard to overstate that. I bought into the voice instantly, and found so much of this deeply relatable despite many of my life experience/social positioning not necessarily being applicable here. The most vivid aspect of the writing is the interior monologue, which is written in a gripping stream of consciousness way that feels almost impossibly authentic. And the specificity of certain moments really convey the trueness of the writing. For instance, the line: “There was a quiet, but unmistakable, squelch of lube sliding under latex as we shake.” I have no way of knowing whether the author(s) have had this specific experience of shaking hands while wearing latex gloves, but it’s so visceral that I fully believe only someone who has specifically done that would be able to narrate that experience in that way. This is one of many such moments. And the depiction of obtrusive inner thoughts? The constant self analysis? I feel seen, in an almost disconcerting way. Even in my IF Comp responses on this forum, that I have inexplicably taken upon myself to post in public even though no one really needs to know what I in particular think, they are littered with parenthetical comments and digressions and self-deprecations because I cannot help but contort my own voice in that way, so seeing a version of that playing out in front of me as I read is something else.
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The visual presentation is impressive. The backgrounds use a kind of dithering effect. There’s a night-time style that uses a hellish black/red/gray palette, and a daytime style that uses a “heavenly” blue/white palette, and also an inset Discord palette. The backgrounds are unobtrusive and melt away from the main screen, creating a sensation that you are being pulled inward into L’s mind. This lines up with the narrative style that is intensely self-analyzing/self-doubting/self-affirming, where the inward takes precedence over the outward. The scene shift effects are very satisfying and change the mood with them.
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Thematically, this piece is rich. Caveat of course that I have read less than the entirety of the work. But still I feel recklessly drawn to comment. The piece introduces the reader to the concept of three spaces: (1) the IRL social circle where passive and active transphobia is the norm, deeply alienating in the challenges of being a very online queer person struggling to stay afloat in waspishly cishet spaces; (2) the self-consciously affirmative trans Discord server, which is plagued mainly by Discourse™ and despite the positive aspects the space, conversations are often frustrating and exhausting; and (3) the kink scene that Valentine and Artemis bring L into, which is this kind of idealized aspirational capital C “Community” that is both affirming and also about real shit. I find it very intriguing that this piece is nostalgic for a queer space it imagines to be gone: “I wouldn’t know how much of that is fiction or fact from an era before the new wave of puritanism that killed off the good old days of the queer community that I was too young to see or have a hand in ruining myself.” This continues with the Discord server discussion of the history of leather in queer rights/pride, framing the community as “something past.” Yet, by the time I’ve gotten to in the narrative, it seems clear that this community hasn’t truly dissipated into the past, it’s something that L’s kink group is in the midst of doing/becoming. This piece has a broadly anti-assimilationist bent: it notes the friction and tension in all these spaces and reaches toward something liberatory, but something liberatory in a way that is real, and isn’t misdirected into a dead-end kind of enstiflement. (Apparently that’s not a word. Oh well. Fuck the dictionary.) I’m not sure if that is something that can be actually reached, or if the act of reaching for it is itself the destination. (That sounds really obnoxious of me to say, imagine that I phrased it in a way that feels more relatable. Thanks in advance!)
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Having not seen the full arc of Valentine’s character, I’m not sure where this was ultimately headed, but I was engaged with the tension of Valentine as a man who L enviously wants to be (imagining Valentine as a kind of transition ideal and that he is somehow free from the kinds of transition hangups and insecurities that L is constantly embattled by) but also someone L wants to fuck. I would expect that L will eventually be forced to discard or come to terms with the hero image he has has imposed onto Valentine for them to reach whatever status their relationship might end up becoming.
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Finally, another thing I want to say I have a hard time articulating, is this kind of gap between how the front matter presents this work vs. how it actually feels to read this. There’s a kind of grimness to a piece that promises “perversions” and credits “The desacralised blood channelled through the mutilated body fucked by society” for writing this work. Yet, reading this, despite the intensity of some of the imagery, my overriding impression is one of… sweetness, I guess? The wholesomeness of an ethically engaged and affirmative sexuality that hasn’t been stifled by cishet nonsense or by Discourse? I’m not sure if that was the intent of the piece but I enjoyed that aspect of it—that a piece that is so intensely sexually explicit and raw feels warm, comforting, welcoming?
Feedback/Recommendations/Questions:
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Just some very very minor typos/cleanup: (1) The “Leather archives and museums” Wikipedia link extends across the right edge of the “Discord UI” screen onto the white background. The very next link (PolitiFact) wraps into the next line properly, so I’d wager it’s just some very minor formatting that could be fixed; (2) I also found one instance of “Valeire” instead of “Valerie,” but honestly she is so awful that I don’t blame you much for misspelling her name.
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This isn’t necessarily criticism, but I felt like I had something to say about this quote: “You are not offered the luxury that cis men are that any kind of hairstyle still leaves you a man, even if a weird alternative one.” I get what this is saying, but this doesn’t resonate with my personal experience appearing in public as a gnc cis guy with very long hair, I get she/her’d semi-frequently, especially if I’ve remembered to shave. (Or at least I used to, now that I barely go out anymore I guess I’ve minimized opportunities for strangers to misread me.) It’s entirely possible that this is a part of L’s voice (to believe that is what cis men actually do experience, akin to the assumptions he makes about how Valentine must feel about his presentation). Gender is a mess, I don’t know what to tell you.
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Good news and bad news. The good news is that I thought so many lines were instantly iconic and quotable that I jotted them down. The bad news is that I had to manually type them all because I was unable to figure out how to copy and paste from the screens, it seems like the clickable aspect overrides the ability to use a cursor to copy-paste here. Ironically, my interest in holding onto so many quotes actively slowed down my reading pace, preventing me from experiencing more of the work in two hours. Even though I knew it was slowing me down, I couldn’t bring myself to lose those quotes.
What I learned about IF writing/game design:
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This is another aspirational work on so many levels. I’d say what comes first to mind here is the formatting of the stream-of-consciousness narration and how it intersects so effectively with the rest of the narration. The way that it is timed and formatted feels natural, yet is still often funny, or surprising. It crackles with energy. I’d recommend anyone trying to access an authentic feeling voice to study this work—not to pick it apart and ruin the magic, but just to be exposed to how it can feel when it’s done this well.
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The use of backgrounds to set the mood. As I went along, my mood would start to shift as I grew familiar with the pitfalls of each setting. I grew to dread the sterile blue and white daytime background, and longed for the escape into the red and black nighttime background. They’re just colors, sure, but building upon those associations and teaching the reader what kinds of things happen when those colors are present develops an emotional backdrop for the narrative.
Quote:
- So many, but how about this: “Do I pretend I’m the eyes of God, wondering how some cocks and holes led to whatever the fuck is going on down there?”
Lasting Memorable Moment:
- I had a strong visceral reaction at the introduction of Valerie at the lingerie store, knowing what kinds of horrible things were about to happen, but being (seemingly) powerless to do anything other than watch it unfold.