Blowing off steam posts

Somehow people think that treating this forum to blow off steam as anger management therapy is a good thing to have. I really don’t understand it. Someone else mentioned “entitlement”. Well, that’s about it, really. Let’s just call a spade, a spade.

You groundlessly accused another commenter,

His very own words stated that he’s blowing off steam in the forum. I merely pointed it out.

[Deleted]

No one is doing this except in your imagination. The thread in question was doing perfectly fine, with all views being expressed reasonably, until you came along to splash lighter fluid around while shouting a warning about flame wars.

His very own words stated that he’s blowing off steam in the forum. I merely pointed it out.

I’m going to stop responding because I believe you’re posting in bad faith.

Thank you.

I keep debating whether to say anything, because I’m not sure if this is actually helpful or just provocative, but… ok, as someone who struggles with these behaviour patterns myself, let me try to explain one thing that I think people are reacting to.

How about you show me how to properly respond? Then I’ll happily delete my post.

Somehow people keep telling me what I did wrong, but never did show me how to do it right. I’ve been waiting for years. Still waiting…

These people who blamed the world onto me, never did give me the answer. People who didn’t blame me, actually did show me the way. Be a teacher, not a hater.

It’s usually more subtle than this, but you do this kind of a lot: you sound like you’re trying to make it other people’s responsibility to teach you what behaviours bother them and how to do it better, rather than being proactive about trying to figure it out for yourself. That’s not their job. Yes, it would be a helpful thing for them to do, but they are in no way obliged to do it.

So you’re picking a time when someone is already annoyed with you and asking them to volunteer their time and energy to help you. Which is…in general, not going to get a good response.

And yeah, ok, we have a society where people sometimes lean too far the other way, into expecting you to read their minds. But the fact is that the only person whose behaviour you can control is you.

So think of it this way: do you want to be the guy who stands on his right to behave however he wants unless someone complains about it and explains what they’d prefer you do instead? That is going to result in people avoiding you at least some of the time because they just don’t feel up to having that conversation right now.

Or do you want to be the guy who’s going the extra mile to ask himself, “How sure am I that the people around me are happy I’m here? Are there things I can easily do to make them more comfortable?”


And to get back to the actual topic of this thread, you said “I merely pointed it out.”

But you didn’t need to point it out. You’re not a moderator, that’s explicitly not your job. You could have just flagged the post for moderation, but instead you responded in a way that several people found excessive. And instead of trying to do your homework yourself and figure out how you could have expressed yourself to get a better result, you’re just starting another thread to continue arguing that you were right.

Which, again, if that’s how you want to go about it, that’s your choice. But it’s probably not going to win you many friends, and it’s certainly not going to get you what you want.

6 Likes

I’ve spent years wrestling with this character trait in myself. I’m better now but by no means immune to it, there’s actually a couple of things irking me at the moment which 5yrs ago I’d be blasting away at about now.

But it doesn’t get you anywhere. Nobody will agree with you, you won’t get your point across - in fact the exact opposite will happen which will make you even more annoyed and feel even more isolated.

I actually don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with a “blowing off steam” post; in fact in this day and age of seeking catharsis for mental health it could be a useful outlet. But if you do then treat it as a one time blowout, don’t read the comments and don’t reply to the comments because they will not be on your side.

Hope that helps.

Adam

I’m closing this thread since it’s basically continuing conversation from another locked thread.

In general, please avoid personal attacks of people in the IF community, present on this forum or otherwise, and try to be generous in not automatically inferring insult or attack where none is intended.

7 Likes