Best responses of IFComp 2012

[Healy]

Because we need one of these threads every year! What responses from this Comp do you think are particularly witty/funny/thought-provoking/whatever?

I’ll start with a selection from Sunday Afternoon:

[spoiler]

x folder
It’s clearly marked “Old Sermons”, and its contents are as advertised. This probably qualifies it as a weapon of Mass destruction.

It actually took me a moment to catch the pun.

Also, all of the various ornaments you find on the mantelpiece are incredibly witty in-jokes. (Try examining them all twice!)[/spoiler]

[Healy]

Also from Sunday Afternoon:

x stephen
Barchester is crawling with clergymen, and Uncle Stephen is another one of them. He’s one of the super High Church types who might as well be Catholic, or at least that’s what Father says. From what you’ve seen, that means that the services are more fun but the clergymen are stuffier. No-one is stuffier than Uncle Stephen; if he were in charge of the cathedral, there would probably be clowns.

and

x me
You’ve been thoroughly scrubbed and ironed and starched into your least comfortable set of clothes. One day, when you are either Prime Minister or Archbishop of Canterbury – depending on whether you listen to Mother or Father – you’re going to outlaw starch or declare it anathema or both.

[maga (Sam Kabo Ashwell)]

Also from Sunday Afternoon:

>x stephen
Barchester is crawling with clergymen, and Uncle Stephen is another one of them. He’s one of the super High Church types who might as well be Catholic, or at least that’s what Father says. From what you’ve seen, that means that the services are more fun but the clergymen are stuffier. No-one is stuffier than Uncle Stephen; if he were in charge of the cathedral, there would probably be clowns.

Oh, ha. Somehow missed that one. That is excellent.

[Healy]

It is a perfect encapsulation of everything a child cares about in the mass.

Anyway, from Last Minute

[spoiler]

The first thing that catches my eye is a Radiohead album that an ex-girlfriend lent me. It was an unsuccesful attempt to convince me that the band actually ISN’T terribly dull. She ended up dumping me, but not because of that. It was something about how I never listened to her, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

It’s an old joke, but I laughed.[/spoiler]

[Healy]

From Kicker:

[spoiler]

One of the backup linebackers runs past and stops to smash his facemask into yours, screaming Gameday! It’s on now! Wooooooo! but when he realises who you are he looks disappointed and walks away. You pretend to stretch your kicking leg.

lie bot, what is the saddest thing[/spoiler]

[Healy]

More from Kicker:

[spoiler]

You see two young women holding a sign that says “We can’t believe we’re on TV!!!”, but they aren’t on TV

and

You catch a glimpse of twin men with handlebar moustaches repeatedly high-fiving each other. It looks like they’re never going to stop. Ever.

plus

You see a bald, shirtless man painted entirely mauve. Which is a little odd given that mauve isn’t one of team colours for either team playing.

All in response to x crowd.[/spoiler]

[severedhand]

I liked this one from Murphy’s Law

>x toothbrush
A cheap, translucent orange plastic toothbrush. None of that fancy “contoured head” nonsense here. Just a stick with bristles on the end.

[capmikee]

My favorite so far, from “The test is now READY:”

>put cracker in glass
You reconsider doing that. Who likes soggy crackers?

[Bainespal (Paul Lee)]

The Test is Now READY probably has the best XYZZY responses:

Really? Turn 91?
Xyzzy at this stage of the game?
…

Really? Turn 1?
TURN 1???
Trying all the classics early, I see.

[lglasser]

From A Manor of Speaking (and from memory):

[spoiler][spoiler]
You can see a bar to the east.

EAST
You walk into a bar. Ouch!

[…]

You can see a club to the southwest.

GET CLUB
That joke’s been done already![/spoiler][/spoiler]

[huftis (Karl Ove Hufthammer)]

I’ll start with a selection from Sunday Afternoon:

x folder
It’s clearly marked “Old Sermons”, and its contents are as advertised. This probably qualifies it as a weapon of Mass destruction.

I thought Uncle Stephen almost going out of his way to find the most boring passages in the bible for his Sunday sermons hilarious:

[spoiler]

x sermon
Uncle Stephen seems to have picked 1 Chronicles 6:1-15 as the
topic of his sermon. Oh dear.

read sermon
Believe it or not, the part where Uncle Stephen expounds upon the
chosen passage is even less interesting than the passage itself.

When I actually looked up 1 Chronicles 6:1–15 in the Bible, I couldn’t stop laughing. [emote]:)[/emote][/spoiler]

[maga (Sam Kabo Ashwell)]

I thought Uncle Stephen almost going out of his way to find the most boring passages in the bible for his Sunday sermons hilarious:

[spoiler]

x sermon
Uncle Stephen seems to have picked 1 Chronicles 6:1-15 as the
topic of his sermon. Oh dear.

read sermon
Believe it or not, the part where Uncle Stephen expounds upon the
chosen passage is even less interesting than the passage itself.

When I actually looked up 1 Chronicles 6:1–15 in the Bible, I couldn’t stop laughing. [emote]:)[/emote][/spoiler]

Those who have never sat through a High Church Anglican service might be in danger of viewing this choice as a humorous exaggeration.

[Healy]

I’m, um, quite unfamiliar with Anglican service practices. How do they decide which readings to do? (Keep in mind I’m coming at this from an American Catholic’s perspective.)

[Dannii]

The readings are specified in a lectionary. Who writes those I have no idea. But the sermon can be on whatever the sermon-giver chooses.

1 Chronicles 6:1–15 has every right to be mentioned in a sermon, but I sure hope no one would ever spend more than 30 seconds mentioning it [emote]:P[/emote]

[capmikee]

I feel like I’ve sat through most of the standard lectionary cycle, and I’ve never heard anything that pointless. My impression is that the cycle includes most of the New Testament, but only the fun parts of the Old Testament. I just looked through the Revised Common Lectionary and didn’t find a single passage from Chronicles.

I don’t know what lectionary the Anglicans use, but if he’s that high church, maybe he’s Anglo-Catholic? I believe that’s the equivalent of what we Americans call Episcopalian.

I’ve heard some really great sermons based on long “begat” passages, but they were about the lineage of Jesus, and they referred back to more detailed stories about the progenitors. And they were UCC, from a pastor who was E&R before they merged with UCC.

[Miseri]

I don’t know what lectionary the Anglicans use, but if he’s that high church, maybe he’s Anglo-Catholic?

Try asking Uncle Stephen about Queen Victoria, and then about the Public Worship Regulation Act.

[Healy]

Huh, I’ve never even heard of the Public Worship Registration Act. You learn something new every day.

[Miseri]

Neither had I until I did a bit of googling to see just what Queen Victoria’s relationship with the Church of England was. Once I found out about it, though, I just had to put it in.