Best responses of IFComp 2012

Because we need one of these threads every year! What responses from this Comp do you think are particularly witty/funny/thought-provoking/whatever?

I’ll start with a selection from Sunday Afternoon:

[spoiler]

It actually took me a moment to catch the pun.

Also, all of the various ornaments you find on the mantelpiece are incredibly witty in-jokes. (Try examining them all twice!)[/spoiler]

Also from Sunday Afternoon:

and

Oh, ha. Somehow missed that one. That is excellent.

It is a perfect encapsulation of everything a child cares about in the mass.

Anyway, from Last Minute

[spoiler]

It’s an old joke, but I laughed.[/spoiler]

From Kicker:

[spoiler]

lie bot, what is the saddest thing[/spoiler]

More from Kicker:

[spoiler]

and

plus

All in response to x crowd.[/spoiler]

I liked this one from Murphy’s Law

>x toothbrush
A cheap, translucent orange plastic toothbrush. None of that fancy “contoured head” nonsense here. Just a stick with bristles on the end.

My favorite so far, from “The test is now READY:”

>put cracker in glass
You reconsider doing that. Who likes soggy crackers?

The Test is Now READY probably has the best XYZZY responses:

Really? Turn 91?
Xyzzy at this stage of the game?

Really? Turn 1?
TURN 1???
Trying all the classics early, I see.

From A Manor of Speaking (and from memory):

[spoiler][spoiler]
You can see a bar to the east.

EAST
You walk into a bar. Ouch!

[…]

You can see a club to the southwest.

GET CLUB
That joke’s been done already![/spoiler][/spoiler]

I thought Uncle Stephen almost going out of his way to find the most boring passages in the bible for his Sunday sermons hilarious:

[spoiler]

When I actually looked up 1 Chronicles 6:1–15 in the Bible, I couldn’t stop laughing. [emote]:)[/emote][/spoiler]

Those who have never sat through a High Church Anglican service might be in danger of viewing this choice as a humorous exaggeration.

I’m, um, quite unfamiliar with Anglican service practices. How do they decide which readings to do? (Keep in mind I’m coming at this from an American Catholic’s perspective.)

The readings are specified in a lectionary. Who writes those I have no idea. But the sermon can be on whatever the sermon-giver chooses.

1 Chronicles 6:1–15 has every right to be mentioned in a sermon, but I sure hope no one would ever spend more than 30 seconds mentioning it [emote]:P[/emote]

I feel like I’ve sat through most of the standard lectionary cycle, and I’ve never heard anything that pointless. My impression is that the cycle includes most of the New Testament, but only the fun parts of the Old Testament. I just looked through the Revised Common Lectionary and didn’t find a single passage from Chronicles.

I don’t know what lectionary the Anglicans use, but if he’s that high church, maybe he’s Anglo-Catholic? I believe that’s the equivalent of what we Americans call Episcopalian.

I’ve heard some really great sermons based on long “begat” passages, but they were about the lineage of Jesus, and they referred back to more detailed stories about the progenitors. And they were UCC, from a pastor who was E&R before they merged with UCC.

Try asking Uncle Stephen about Queen Victoria, and then about the Public Worship Regulation Act.

Huh, I’ve never even heard of the Public Worship Registration Act. You learn something new every day.

Neither had I until I did a bit of googling to see just what Queen Victoria’s relationship with the Church of England was. Once I found out about it, though, I just had to put it in.