Many months ago I made a game about self-harm. I made it for myself, and writing it helped me immensely in understanding how my compulsions to self-harm manifest. Even better, it gave me a way to explain the experience to others.
I decided to publish this game on itch, in case reading it helps anyone even half as much as writing it helped me. It takes about 15 minutes to play. It is a true story.
I just created my account, so I can’t post a link. You can find the game at sbarrett dot itch dot io slash dance-club. I hope you get something out of it if you decide to play!
Someone very dear to me struggles with depression. They have a list with numbers to call. It’s something that I’ll never be able to fully understand, but playing your game helps me to see it through another lens…
“What?!”
I said, it helps me see… ah, nevermind.
It takes courage to share a game so personal. Thank you so much!
A personal note: I struggle with harm OCD that focuses on circular ruminations/self-convincing spirals, mental checking behaviors, and mental purification rituals, all centered around thinking I’m evil in a certain set of ways, so although I don’t sh, this struck home for me a lot.
I liked that game. Especially the beginning, where you’re rehashing one scenario over and over again in your head and failing every time. Certainly relatable! The music is a nice touch, too.
My favorite part:
Excerpt
You are bad in a number of ways that at once seem complexly layered and extremely simple. The banal center of you is that you are boringly, plainly evil. It’s so obvious it might as well be completely transparent, and it’s not clear how you didn’t see it before. At the same time, there are complex layers to your evil that make it seem so plausibly deniable while also providing yet more evidence of your inherent badness. Finally, you and Objective Reality are seeing eye-to-eye. You are allies once again. And you both know what evil deserves, especially evil that has gone criminally unrecognized.
A crystalized moment of self-hatred… emotionally draining in that familiar way. Thank you for writing.
