Start of a transcript of: Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 4 An Interactive Fiction by Damon L. Wakes Release 1 / Serial number 260923 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Inform 7 v10.1.2 Identification number: //7B6F53FB-C499-4114-A9C1-5BDD8F76D58F// Interpreter version 1.3.7 / VM 3.1.3 >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>credits Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 4 This Time It's Personnel Writing Damon L. Wakes Single-Key Gameplay Code Arthur DiBianca Testing Emmett Baber G. Deyke LANd D.A. Sinclair SunlessSquid WindySilver Special Thanks Andre Louis >L Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >T You violently trample the receptionist, crushing her beneath your hooves! >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a water cooler here. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the water cooler with your wicked laser eye beams. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Back-of-House Corridor are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some cans here. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >F PBBBWHHHT! >H You open your mouth and hurl forth a magnificent rainbow. It glitters as it rises, glimmers as it falls, then splatters messily as it hits the floor. >I There being nothing in the Back-of-House Corridor that you can go inside, you turn yourself inside out instead. But that proves to be very uncomfortable, so you turn outside out once more. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >J You jive vigorously. The janitor (holding a bucket and a mop) arrives from the east. >J You jive vigorously. The janitor mops up some of the rainbow-coloured vomit. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see some cans here. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the cans with tremendous force! >L Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see some scattered cans here. The janitor (holding a bucket and a mop) arrives from the west. >M Regrettably, there's nothing here on which to munch. The janitor (holding a bucket and a mop) goes south. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of the Back-of-House Corridor like the dumb horse you are. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >O You aren't in anything you can get out of. Except the building as a whole: the exit is on the ground floor. >P You haven't eaten enough to do that. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (0/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >S You drop back down onto all fours. Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see a security guard, some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >S Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Back-of-House Corridor that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >V "Neeeeeeeigh!" you say. >S Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >V "Neeeigh!" you say. >E You walk face-first into the east wall of the Ground Floor Atrium like the dumb horse you are. The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. >W You walk face-first into the west wall of the Ground Floor Atrium like the dumb horse you are. The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a security guard, a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. The security guard goes south. >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. >V "Neeeigh!" you say. "How you doin', Mr. Spleenbiscuit." The security guard arrives from the south. >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. The security guard gives you a curt nod. The security guard goes south. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >W You walk face-first into the west wall of the Ground Floor Atrium like the dumb horse you are. The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >L Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. The security guard arrives from the south. >J You dance a little jig. The security guard goes north. >J You jive vigorously. >W Outback Taco The Foyer is east from here. You can see a cashier, a counter and a soda fountain here. "Welcome to Outback Taco," says the cashier, "home of the Outback Taco. Can I take your order?" >V "Neeeigh!" you say. "Certainly," says the cashier. "Here's your taco, sir." He places it on the counter. >M You munch down the taco. Delicious! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L Outback Taco The Foyer is east from here. You can see a cashier, a counter and a soda fountain here. >J You do the jitterbug. >E Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >S Are you sure you want to leave the building? This will end the workday (and depending on the state you've left things, possibly your career). n You think better of it. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >L Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >W Loading Bay The Back-of-House Corridor is east from here. >E Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some scattered cans here. >S Broom Cupboard The Maintenance Room is north from here. You can see a bucket and a mop here. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the mop with tremendous force! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >K You kick the bucket. (Literally, thank goodness.) >H There isn't enough liquid in your stomach for you to hurl. >N Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some scattered cans here. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >S Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >E Security Office The Foyer is west from here. You can see a metal desk (on which is a CCTV monitor) and a snoozing CCTV operator here. The CCTV monitor shows the Third Floor Atrium. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >W Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a crushed receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Foyer that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. "Hey, Mr. Spleenbiscuit." The security guard arrives from the west. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! The security guard goes north. >E Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >E Disabled Toilet The Toilet Corridor is west from here. You can see a sink, a hand dryer, a mirror, a toilet (empty) and a red pull cord here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (2/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L Disabled Toilet The Toilet Corridor is west from here. You can see a sink, a hand dryer, a mirror, a toilet (empty) and a red pull cord here. >P "Hnnnnnngh!" After straining for a moment, you hear a loud "Sploosh!" behind you. >L Disabled Toilet The Toilet Corridor is west from here. You can see a sink, a hand dryer, a mirror, a toilet (in which is a live grenade) and a red pull cord here. >H There isn't enough liquid in your stomach for you to hurl. >L Disabled Toilet The Toilet Corridor is west from here. You can see a sink, a hand dryer, a mirror, a toilet (in which is a live grenade) and a red pull cord here. >G You guzzle some gross-tasting water from the toilet. Ahh, that hits the spot! *** Kaboom! The grenade detonates with spectacular force: you are hoisted by your own pootard. *** Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT? > undo The ability to UNDO, regrettably, is not among your unicorn powers. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT? > restart You are a fresh new intern at CorpoCorp, keen to make a good impression! As a strong team player who can also work independently, you feel you bring a lot to the table. You are also a gigantic unicorn with a chainsaw for a horn and a habit of causing untold destruction everywhere you go. Your last job was as an arena combatant in Bruce Bloodbath's notorious Chunder Games, and although you're very much looking forward to something a little more indoorsy you're still grappling with the instinctive urge to rend flesh from bone and crush limbs beneath your hooves. Press any key to begin, then choose subsequent keys much, much more carefully... Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 4 An Interactive Fiction by Damon L. Wakes Release 1 / Serial number 260923 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >W Outback Taco The Foyer is east from here. You can see a cashier, a counter and a soda fountain here. "Welcome to Outback Taco," says the cashier, "home of the Outback Taco. Can I take your order?" >V "Snort!" you say. "Certainly," says the cashier. "Here's your taco, sir." He places it on the counter. >M You munch down the taco. Delicious! >E Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >A A little leprechaun appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "The name's Smidgeon O'Help." He sweeps off his novelty Guinness hat, bowing deeply. "You can call on me any time you feel you need a hand. Course, if you be wantin' to RESTART or check the CREDITS or anythin' else that would break immersion just like my dialogue right now, you'll have to press the comma key. Then you'll be able to type the commands it suggests. Just don't be typin' GET LAMP or XYZZY or anythin' like that. It'll work, but it's cheatin' - and I'll know that you've done it!" These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 1 time now. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >E Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >N Men's Toilet The Toilet Corridor is south from here. You can see a cubicle (closed), a mirror, two sinks, a hand dryer and an urinal here. >S Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >S Women's Toilet The Toilet Corridor is north from here. You can see two cubicles (closed), a mirror, two sinks and a hand dryer here. >N Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >W First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >S South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >N First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >S South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some neat topiary here. >E HR Office The South Corridor is west from here. You can see a wooden desk and a motivational cat poster here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >W South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some neat topiary here. >S You walk face-first into the south wall of the South Corridor like the dumb horse you are. The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. >W Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a data entry specialist, some top shelves (on which are a box of paper clips (closed) and a box of staples (closed)), some middle shelves (on which is a box of pens (closed)) and some low shelves (on which are some ring binders and some dusty floppy disks) here. >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. "I really need some paper clips, but I can't quite reach them," says the data entry specialist. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >U You drop back down onto all fours. You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Stationery Cupboard that you can possibly reach. The South Corridor is east from here. >F Phbbbwhrrt! The data entry specialist holds her nose and ducks quickly into the South Corridor. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the middle shelves with your wicked laser eye beams. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the box of staples fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >L Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a very faint noxious cloud, some top shelves (on which are a box of paper clips (closed) and a mangled box of staples (closed)), some burnt middle shelves (on which is a box of pens (closed)) and some low shelves (on which are some ring binders and some dusty floppy disks) here. The data entry specialist arrives from the east. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >H You open your mouth and hurl forth a magnificent rainbow. It glitters as it rises, glimmers as it falls, then splatters messily as it hits the floor. >K You don't need to kick the box of paper clips - it's already closed. >T You drop back down onto all fours. You violently trample the data entry specialist, crushing her beneath your hooves! >T You violently trample the box of paper clips, crushing it beneath your hooves! >L Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a large pool of rainbow-coloured vomit, a crushed data entry specialist, some top shelves (on which are a crushed box of paper clips (closed) and a mangled box of staples (closed)), some burnt middle shelves (on which is a box of pens (closed)) and some low shelves (on which are some ring binders and some dusty floppy disks) here. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the top shelves with your wicked laser eye beams. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the low shelves fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through them! The janitor (holding a bucket and a mop) arrives from the east. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the ring binders fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through them! The janitor mops up some of the rainbow-coloured vomit. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the box of pens fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! The janitor mops up some of the rainbow-coloured vomit. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the dusty floppy disks fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through them! The janitor mops up some of the rainbow-coloured vomit. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the janitor (holding a bucket and a mop) fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through him! >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the bucket fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the mop fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >L Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a bifurcated janitor (holding a mangled bucket and a mangled mop), a small pool of rainbow-coloured vomit, a crushed data entry specialist, some burnt top shelves (on which are a crushed box of paper clips (closed) and a mangled box of staples (closed)), some burnt middle shelves (on which is a mangled box of pens (closed)) and some mangled low shelves (on which are some mangled ring binders and some mangled floppy disks) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Stationery Cupboard are about as pointless as you'd expect. The South Corridor is east from here. >F PBBBBBHT! >G You lick up a little of your own rainbow vomit, but it hardly hits the spot. >H You can't face puking again just now. >I There being nothing in the Stationery Cupboard that you can go inside, you turn yourself inside out instead. But that proves to be very uncomfortable, so you turn outside out once more. The South Corridor is east from here. >J You do the jitterbug. >K You don't need to kick the crushed box of paper clips - it's already closed. >L Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a bifurcated janitor (holding a mangled bucket and a mangled mop), a small pool of rainbow-coloured vomit, a crushed data entry specialist, some burnt top shelves (on which are a crushed box of paper clips (closed) and a mangled box of staples (closed)), some burnt middle shelves (on which is a mangled box of pens (closed)) and some mangled low shelves (on which are some mangled ring binders and some mangled floppy disks) here. >M You munch down the crushed data entry specialist. Delicious! >M You munch down the bifurcated janitor (holding a mangled bucket and a mangled mop). Delicious! >M Regrettably, there's nothing here on which to munch. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of the Stationery Cupboard like the dumb horse you are. The South Corridor is east from here. >O You aren't in anything you can get out of. Except the building as a whole: the exit is on the ground floor. >P "Hnnnnnngh!" After straining for a moment, you hear a loud "Clang!" behind you. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >E You drop back down onto all fours. South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some neat topiary here. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. You hear a deafening bang from the Stationery Cupboard. >W Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a smoking crater, a small pool of rainbow-coloured vomit, some burnt top shelves (on which are a crushed box of paper clips (closed) and a mangled box of staples (closed)), some burnt middle shelves (on which is a mangled box of pens (closed)) and some mangled low shelves (on which are some mangled ring binders and some mangled floppy disks) here. >M Regrettably, there's nothing here on which to munch. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of the Stationery Cupboard like the dumb horse you are. The South Corridor is east from here. >O You aren't in anything you can get out of. Except the building as a whole: the exit is on the ground floor. >P You haven't eaten enough to do that. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >S You drop back down onto all fours. You walk face-first into the south wall of the Stationery Cupboard like the dumb horse you are. The South Corridor is east from here. >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Stationery Cupboard that you can possibly reach. The South Corridor is east from here. >V "Neeeeeeeigh!" you say. >W You walk face-first into the west wall of the Stationery Cupboard like the dumb horse you are. The South Corridor is east from here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. You see the crushed box of paper clips on the burnt top shelves contains some paper clips. You see the mangled box of staples on the burnt top shelves contains some staples. You see the mangled box of pens on the burnt middle shelves contains some biros. >Y There's nothing here to yank but yourself - and that would be highly inappropriate in the workplace. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Y There's nothing here to yank but yourself - and that would be highly inappropriate in the workplace. >E South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some neat topiary here. >N First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >W Print Room The First Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see a photocopier here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. Looking inside the photocopier, you can see a piece of paper jammed between two rollers - it looks as though you should be able to dislodge it with some well-placed percussive maintenance... >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the photocopier with tremendous force! You kick the photocopier in just the right place to dislodge the paper jam. Ayyyy! You're practically the Fonz. A creased piece of paper emerges from the photocopier and flutters to the floor. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* line break issue after kick That's not a verb I recognise. >L Print Room The First Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see a creased piece of paper and a photocopier here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >E First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >N Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see the company's HR Consultant, an Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), an Office Administrator, an Import Coordinator, a Business Support Coordinator and a sturdy table (on which is a birthday cake) here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the HR Consultant, the Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), the Office Administrator, the Import Coordinator and the Business Support Coordinator to briefly become eerily skeletal. >E Staff Kitchen The Break Room is west from here. You can see a hefty fridge (closed) and a sturdy counter (on which is a coffee pot) here. >K You don't need to kick the hefty fridge - it's already closed. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. You see the hefty fridge contains a sandwich (Sarah's), a pasta pot (Martha's), a salad (Gary's) and an unlabelled chicken tikka slice. >W Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see the company's HR Consultant, an Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), an Office Administrator, an Import Coordinator, a Business Support Coordinator and a sturdy table (on which is a birthday cake) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >J You dance a little jig. The Accounts Assistant cheers and claps, happy to have someone else briefly at the centre of attention. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy") fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through him! >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the birthday cake fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see the company's HR Consultant, a bifurcated Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), an Office Administrator, an Import Coordinator, a Business Support Coordinator and a sturdy table (on which is a neatly divided birthday cake) here. >E Staff Kitchen The Break Room is west from here. You can see a hefty fridge (closed) and a sturdy counter (on which is a coffee pot) here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the coffee pot fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >K You don't need to kick the hefty fridge - it's already closed. >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >F PBBBWHHHT! >H You can't face puking again just now. >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >J You jive vigorously. >K You don't need to kick the hefty fridge - it's already closed. "Hello, Mr. Spleenbiscuit." The security guard arrives from the west. >T You violently trample the security guard, crushing him beneath your hooves! >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >Y You yank the hefty fridge open with your mouth. Inside you find a sandwich (Sarah's), a pasta pot (Martha's), a salad (Gary's) and an unlabelled chicken tikka slice. >Y You prepare to yank the hefty fridge but find that it's already open. >L Staff Kitchen The Break Room is west from here. You can see a crushed security guard, a hefty fridge (in which are a sandwich (Sarah's), a pasta pot (Martha's), a salad (Gary's) and an unlabelled chicken tikka slice) and a sturdy counter (on which is a mangled coffee pot) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (3/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >W You drop back down onto all fours. Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see the company's HR Consultant, a bifurcated Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), an Office Administrator, an Import Coordinator, a Business Support Coordinator and a sturdy table (on which is a neatly divided birthday cake) here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Break Room are about as pointless as you'd expect. The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. >S First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a water cooler here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >H You can't face puking again just now. >M Regrettably, there's nothing here on which to munch. >T You violently trample the water cooler, crushing it beneath your hooves! >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >L Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a crushed water cooler here. >H You can't face puking again just now. >J You do the jitterbug. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Back-of-House Corridor that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Back-of-House Corridor that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >S Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >W Print Room The First Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see a creased piece of paper and a photocopier here. >E First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >E Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >W First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >W Relaxation Area The West Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see some beanbags here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >S West Open-Plan Office The Relaxation Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is east from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >E Open-Plan Office The Second Floor Atrium is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is east from here. The West Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >E East Open-Plan Office The Hot-Desking Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a chupacabra, a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. The chupacabra briefly pauses to scream at its own ass. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the PC with your wicked laser eye beams. The chupacabra scratches its ear with a lanky hind leg. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the swivel chair with tremendous force! The chupacabra blinks its weird little eyes. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the chupacabra fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >L East Open-Plan Office The Hot-Desking Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a bifurcated chupacabra, a desk (on which are a burnt PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a destroyed swivel chair here. >N Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >Y There's nothing here to yank but yourself - and that would be highly inappropriate in the workplace. >E You walk face-first into the east wall of the Hot-Desking Area like the dumb horse you are. The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. >N Meeting Room The Hot-Desking Area is south from here. You can see two swivel chairs and a polished table (on which is a speakerphone) here. >S Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >W Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (closed), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >Y You yank the walk-in safe open with your mouth. Inside you find some safety deposit drawers and a jammed drawer. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe but find that it's already open. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe but find that it's already open. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe but find that it's already open. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe but find that it's already open. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the walk-in safe with tremendous force! The walk-in safe closes sharply. >Y You yank the walk-in safe open with your mouth. Inside you find some safety deposit drawers and a jammed drawer. >L Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (in which are some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed)), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe but find that it's already open. >T You violently trample the comfy chair, crushing it beneath your hooves! >T You violently trample the archivist, crushing him beneath your hooves! >T You violently trample the reading desk, crushing it beneath your hooves! >T You violently trample the important documents, crushing them beneath your hooves! >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the crushed archivist to briefly become eerily skeletal. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the crushed archivist to briefly become eerily skeletal. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the crushed archivist to briefly become eerily skeletal. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the crushed archivist to briefly become eerily skeletal. >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >D You drop back down onto all fours. You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of Secure Document Storage are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >F PPPPBHT! >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >H You can't face puking again just now. >I You get into the walk-in safe. In the walk-in safe you can see some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed). >K The walk-in safe is already open - you don't need to kick your way out. >K The walk-in safe is already open - you don't need to kick your way out. >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of Secure Document Storage are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >F Bbbppphhht! >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >H You can't face puking again just now. >J You jive vigorously. >K The walk-in safe is already open - you don't need to kick your way out. >M You munch down the crushed archivist. Delicious! >N You walk face-first into the north wall of Secure Document Storage like the dumb horse you are. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >L Secure Document Storage (in the walk-in safe) The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see a crushed reading desk (on which are some crushed important documents) and a crushed comfy chair here. In the walk-in safe you can see some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed). >I But you're already in the walk-in safe. >Y You yank the walk-in safe closed. >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe closed - but it's already closed! >Y You prepare to yank the walk-in safe closed - but it's already closed! >K You kick the walk-in safe open. >K The walk-in safe is already open - you don't need to kick your way out. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >V "Whinny!" you say. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >Y You yank the walk-in safe closed. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >S You drop back down onto all fours. You would have to get out of the walk-in safe first. >O You can't get out of the closed walk-in safe. >K You kick the walk-in safe open. >O You get out of the walk-in safe. Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see a walk-in safe (in which are some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed)), a crushed reading desk (on which are some crushed important documents) and a crushed comfy chair here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >S Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the unkempt topiary with tremendous force! >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >L Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some destroyed topiary here. >N Top Floor Office The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see the CEO, an executive putting set and a mahogany desk (on which are a Newton's cradle, a #1 Boss mug and a word-a-day calendar) here. >V "Neeeeeeeigh!" you say. "That's it?" The CEO rolls his eyes. "Please don't bother me until you've completed at least a significant portion of your duties." >V "Snort!" you say. "That's it?" The CEO rolls his eyes. "Please don't bother me until you've completed at least a significant portion of your duties." >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Top Floor Office are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. >S Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some destroyed topiary here. >D Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Ground Floor Atrium are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >S Are you sure you want to leave the building? This will end the workday (and depending on the state you've left things, possibly your career). y *** THE END You completed 7 of 14 quests. You caused 1021270 dollarydoos worth of damage. Also, you caused the death of 5 coworkers. CorpoCorp requests that you wait outside the building until representatives from our superglue division arrive to transport you to the rendering plant. *** Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT? > restart You are a fresh new intern at CorpoCorp, keen to make a good impression! As a strong team player who can also work independently, you feel you bring a lot to the table. You are also a gigantic unicorn with a chainsaw for a horn and a habit of causing untold destruction everywhere you go. Your last job was as an arena combatant in Bruce Bloodbath's notorious Chunder Games, and although you're very much looking forward to something a little more indoorsy you're still grappling with the instinctive urge to rend flesh from bone and crush limbs beneath your hooves. Press any key to begin, then choose subsequent keys much, much more carefully... Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 4 An Interactive Fiction by Damon L. Wakes Release 1 / Serial number 260923 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >A A little leprechaun appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "The name's Smidgeon O'Help." He sweeps off his novelty Guinness hat, bowing deeply. "You can call on me any time you feel you need a hand. Course, if you be wantin' to RESTART or check the CREDITS or anythin' else that would break immersion just like my dialogue right now, you'll have to press the comma key. Then you'll be able to type the commands it suggests. Just don't be typin' GET LAMP or XYZZY or anythin' like that. It'll work, but it's cheatin' - and I'll know that you've done it!" These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 1 time now. >W Outback Taco The Foyer is east from here. You can see a cashier, a counter and a soda fountain here. "Welcome to Outback Taco," says the cashier, "home of the Outback Taco. Can I take your order?" >V "Snort!" you say. "Certainly," says the cashier. "Here's your taco, sir." He places it on the counter. >M You munch down the taco. Delicious! >E Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (0/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! "Hello, Candymane." The security guard arrives from above. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. The security guard goes south. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (1/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >U Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >S Open-Plan Office The Second Floor Atrium is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is east from here. The West Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >N Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >D Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >E Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >S East Open-Plan Office The Hot-Desking Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a chupacabra, a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. The chupacabra rattles it spines angrily. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the PC fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! The chupacabra briefly pauses to scream at its own ass. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the desk fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! The chupacabra scratches its ear with a lanky hind leg. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the chupacabra fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >W Open-Plan Office The Second Floor Atrium is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is east from here. The West Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >N Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see the company's HR Consultant, an Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), an Office Administrator, an Import Coordinator, a Business Support Coordinator and a sturdy table (on which is a birthday cake) here. >F PBBBWHHHT! The HR Consultant holds her nose and ducks quickly into the Staff Kitchen. The Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy") holds his nose and ducks quickly into the First Floor Atrium. The Office Administrator holds his nose and ducks quickly into the Staff Kitchen. The Import Coordinator holds his nose and ducks quickly into the Staff Kitchen. The Business Support Coordinator holds her nose and ducks quickly into the First Floor Atrium. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the birthday cake fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >J You do the jitterbug. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. The HR Consultant arrives from the east. The Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy") arrives from the south. The Office Administrator arrives from the east. The Import Coordinator arrives from the east. The Business Support Coordinator arrives from the south. >J You jive vigorously. The Accounts Assistant cheers and claps, happy to have someone else briefly at the centre of attention. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (4/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >S First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >S South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some unkempt topiary here. >C BZZZZZZZT!!! Chunks of the unkempt topiary fly everywhere as your chainsaw horn slices through it! >N First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >W Print Room The First Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see a photocopier here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. Looking inside the photocopier, you can see a piece of paper jammed between two rollers - it looks as though you should be able to dislodge it with some well-placed percussive maintenance... >Y There's nothing here to yank but yourself - and that would be highly inappropriate in the workplace. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the photocopier with tremendous force! You kick the photocopier in just the right place to dislodge the paper jam. Ayyyy! You're practically the Fonz. A creased piece of paper emerges from the photocopier and flutters to the floor. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >S You walk face-first into the south wall of the Print Room like the dumb horse you are. The First Floor Atrium is east from here. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>save Ok. >T You violently trample the creased piece of paper, crushing it beneath your hooves! >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >E First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a water cooler here. "Hi there, Candymane." The security guard arrives from the east. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some cans here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision, causing the janitor to briefly become eerily skeletal. >F PBBBBBHT! The janitor looks unimpressed. "I've smelled worse," he says. >F You can't. Not yet, at least. >F You can't. Not yet, at least. >E You walk face-first into the east wall of the Maintenance Room like the dumb horse you are. The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. >H You open your mouth and hurl forth a magnificent rainbow. It glitters as it rises, glimmers as it falls, then splatters messily as it hits the floor. The janitor gives a weary sigh. The janitor goes south. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a water cooler here. >T You violently trample the water cooler, crushing it beneath your hooves! >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor (holding a bucket and a mop), a large pool of rainbow-coloured vomit and some cans here. The janitor mops up some of the rainbow-coloured vomit. >T You violently trample the janitor (holding a bucket and a mop), crushing him beneath your hooves! >T You violently trample the cans, crushing them beneath your hooves! >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>restore Ok. >L Print Room The First Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see a creased piece of paper and a photocopier here. >E First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >E Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Toilet Corridor are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >S Women's Toilet The Toilet Corridor is north from here. You can see two cubicles (closed), a mirror, two sinks and a hand dryer here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Women's Toilet are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Toilet Corridor is north from here. >N Toilet Corridor The Men's Toilet is north from here. The Women's Toilet is south from here. The Disabled Toilet is east from here. The First Floor Atrium is west from here. >W First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a security guard and a water cooler here. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some cans here. "Hi, Steve." The security guard arrives from the west. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. The security guard goes west. >T You violently trample the janitor, crushing him beneath your hooves! >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>restore Ok. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of the Print Room like the dumb horse you are. The First Floor Atrium is east from here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Print Room are about as pointless as you'd expect. The First Floor Atrium is east from here. >E First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a security guard and a water cooler here. The security guard goes south. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some cans here. >S Broom Cupboard The Maintenance Room is north from here. You can see a mop and a bucket here. >H You open your mouth and hurl forth a magnificent rainbow. It glitters as it rises, glimmers as it falls, then splatters messily as it hits the floor. The janitor arrives from the north. >N Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see some cans here. >T You violently trample the cans, crushing them beneath your hooves! "Hello there, Mr. Spleenbiscuit." The security guard arrives from the west. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* pretty good progress but not sure about these last couple That's not a verb I recognise. >L Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a security guard and some flattened cans here. The security guard goes west. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a security guard and a water cooler here. The security guard goes east. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >R You're already rearing majestically. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* oh maybe R then Y in supply closet? That's not a verb I recognise. >S You drop back down onto all fours. Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >S South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see some neat topiary here. >W Stationery Cupboard The South Corridor is east from here. You can see a data entry specialist, some top shelves (on which are a box of paper clips (closed) and a box of staples (closed)), some middle shelves (on which is a box of pens (closed)) and some low shelves (on which are some ring binders and some dusty floppy disks) here. >F PBBBBBHT! The data entry specialist holds her nose and ducks quickly into the South Corridor. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >Y Standing on your mighty hind legs, you easily yank the box of paper clips off the high shelf. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. The data entry specialist arrives from the east. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. The data entry specialist picks up the box of paper clips. "Thanks!" The data entry specialist (holding a box of paper clips) goes east. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>save Ok. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >E You drop back down onto all fours. South Corridor The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. You can see a data entry specialist (holding a box of paper clips) and some neat topiary here. The data entry specialist (holding a box of paper clips) goes north. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the South Corridor are about as pointless as you'd expect. The First Floor Atrium is north from here. The HR Office is east from here. The Stationery Cupboard is west from here. >N First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. "Hello, Candymane." The security guard arrives from the south. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a water cooler here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>save Ok. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the water cooler with your wicked laser eye beams. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >B You shoot laser beams from your eyes, briefly turning the room into a sweet rave party! Awwwwww, yeah. >L Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >C You swing your head around with wild abandon, your chainsaw horn revving dangerously. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Back-of-House Corridor are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some flattened cans here. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >F Bbbppphhht! >G There are no liquids here to guzzle. >H There isn't enough liquid in your stomach for you to hurl. >I There being nothing in the Back-of-House Corridor that you can go inside, you turn yourself inside out instead. But that proves to be very uncomfortable, so you turn outside out once more. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >J You do the jitterbug. >K You kick your powerful hind legs into the air. >L Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a burnt water cooler here. >M Regrettably, there's nothing here on which to munch. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of the Back-of-House Corridor like the dumb horse you are. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >O You aren't in anything you can get out of. Except the building as a whole: the exit is on the ground floor. >P "Hnnnnnngh!" After straining for a moment, you hear a loud "Clang!" behind you. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >E Maintenance Room The Broom Cupboard is south from here. The Back-of-House Corridor is west from here. You can see a janitor and some flattened cans here. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. You hear a deafening bang from the Back-of-House Corridor. >W Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a smoking crater and a burnt water cooler here. >R You rear up majestically on your powerful hind legs, your bright blue mane billowing in a sudden inexplicable breeze. >S You drop back down onto all fours. Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >N Back-of-House Corridor The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. You can see a smoking crater and a burnt water cooler here. >T You stomp your front hooves forcefully against the ground. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Back-of-House Corridor that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is south from here. The Maintenance Room is east from here. The Loading Bay is west from here. >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. >W Loading Bay The Back-of-House Corridor is east from here. >X You survey the room with your X-ray vision. >Y There's nothing here to yank but yourself - and that would be highly inappropriate in the workplace. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>restore Ok. >S Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see a security guard, some neat topiary and a staircase here. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see a Business Support Coordinator, an Import Coordinator, an Office Administrator, an Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), the company's HR Consultant and a sturdy table (on which is a neatly divided birthday cake) here. >S First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (closed), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of Secure Document Storage like the dumb horse you are. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >Y You yank the walk-in safe open with your mouth. Inside you find some safety deposit drawers and a jammed drawer. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of Secure Document Storage like the dumb horse you are. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >I You get into the walk-in safe. In the walk-in safe you can see some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed). >P "Hnnnnnngh!" After straining for a moment, you hear a loud "Clang!" behind you. >O You get out of the walk-in safe. Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (in which are a live grenade, some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a jammed drawer (closed)), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >K You draw both hind legs back, then kick the walk-in safe with tremendous force! The walk-in safe closes sharply. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. You hear a deafening bang from the walk-in safe. >Y You yank the walk-in safe open with your mouth. Inside you find some safety deposit drawers and a no-longer-jammed drawer. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >? ACHOO! You suddenly sneeze a big cloud of glitter, as if some fat-fingered ape has just prodded a portion of your brain that was never supposed to be prodded. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* woo-hoo! That's not a verb I recognise. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* think I need a hint on his last one though That's not a verb I recognise. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>save Ok. >S Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Third Floor Atrium that you can possibly reach. The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. >N Top Floor Office The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see the CEO, an executive putting set and a mahogany desk (on which are a Newton's cradle, a #1 Boss mug and a word-a-day calendar) here. >V "Neeeigh!" you say. "Is that so?" The CEO nods approvingly. "That's a solid effort for a new employee. Keep up the good work!" >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. "Is that so?" The CEO nods approvingly. "That's a solid effort for a new employee. Keep up the good work!" >S Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 2 times now. >D Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. "Hey, Martha." The security guard arrives from the west. >S Are you sure you want to leave the building? This will end the workday (and depending on the state you've left things, possibly your career). y *** THE END You completed 12 of 14 quests. You caused 397 dollarydoos worth of damage. Your performance is considered acceptable. However, the cost of damages will be deducted from your earnings. *** Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT? > restore Ok. >L Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (in which are some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a no-longer-jammed drawer (closed)), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of Secure Document Storage that you can possibly reach. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of Secure Document Storage that you can possibly reach. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of Secure Document Storage that you can possibly reach. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of Secure Document Storage that you can possibly reach. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >N You walk face-first into the north wall of Secure Document Storage like the dumb horse you are. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >V "Whinny!" you say. "Thanks for getting that drawer unstuck!" says the archivist. >S Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Third Floor Atrium that you can possibly reach. The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. >N Top Floor Office The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see the CEO, an executive putting set and a mahogany desk (on which are a Newton's cradle, a #1 Boss mug and a word-a-day calendar) here. >V "Whinnnnnyyyyyy!" you say. "Is that so?" The CEO nods approvingly. "That's a solid effort for a new employee. Keep up the good work!" >S Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>save Ok. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 2 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 3 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 4 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 5 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 6 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 7 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 8 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 9 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 10 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 11 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 12 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 13 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 14 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 15 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 16 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 17 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 18 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 19 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 20 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 21 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 22 times now. >A Smidgeon O'Help appears before you in a puff of tobacco smoke, ready to offer assistance: "I'm not strictly supposed to be tellin' you this, but you've done enough quests that you can walk out the main entrance without gettin' fired. You might still get fired if you've killed anyone or smashed up a bunch o' stuff, but it won't be for want of doin' quests." These words spoken, he gives a little twirl and disappears. You've summoned him 23 times now. >SPECIAL Please type a special command (like SAVE, RESTORE, RESTART, or CREDITS), or return to the game with BACK. >>* looked at hint -- oh, it was coffee lol. I'm a tea person myself You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >L Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >S You walk face-first into the south wall of the Third Floor Atrium like the dumb horse you are. The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. >D Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a security guard, a staircase and some neat topiary here. The security guard goes south. >N Secure Document Storage The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see an archivist, a walk-in safe (in which are some safety deposit drawers (closed) and a no-longer-jammed drawer (closed)), a reading desk (on which are some important documents) and a comfy chair here. >E You walk face-first into the east wall of Secure Document Storage like the dumb horse you are. The Second Floor Atrium is south from here. >S Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see a Business Support Coordinator, an Import Coordinator, an Office Administrator, an Accounts Assistant (wearing an oversized badge that says "Birthday Boy"), the company's HR Consultant and a sturdy table (on which is a neatly divided birthday cake) here. >E Staff Kitchen The Break Room is west from here. You can see a hefty fridge (closed) and a sturdy counter (on which is a coffee pot) here. >B ZZZZZZZZAP!!! You sear the coffee pot with your wicked laser eye beams. >Q You belch out a cloud of glitter, which materialises into a shimmering to-do list in the air before you: BUSINESS QUESTS: ? Service inoperable photocopier ? Assist paper clip procurement ? Engage leprechaun consultant ? Rightsize ornamental topiary assets (5/5) ? Compress recyclable waste ? Enact company pest control policy on second floor ? Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer ? Purchase and consume fast food luncheon ? Observe union-mandated break period ? Facilitate employee birthday celebration: - ? Ensure equitable cake distribution - ? Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir - ? Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting ? Deliver verbal report to CEO >W Break Room The First Floor Atrium is south from here. The Staff Kitchen is east from here. You can see a Business Support Coordinator, an Import Coordinator, an Office Administrator, an Accounts Assistant, the company's HR Consultant and a sturdy table (on which are a "Birthday Boy" badge and a neatly divided birthday cake) here. >S First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a security guard, a staircase and some neat topiary here. >U Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >N Top Floor Office The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. You can see the CEO, an executive putting set and a mahogany desk (on which are a Newton's cradle, a #1 Boss mug and a word-a-day calendar) here. >V "Snort!" you say. The CEO nods. "An excellent report, Mr. Spleenbiscuit: thorough and capably delivered. Keep this up and you're looking at a promotion!" >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Top Floor Office are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Third Floor Atrium is south from here. >S Third Floor Atrium The Top Floor Office is north from here. The Second Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some neat topiary here. >D Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a Business Support Coordinator, a staircase and some neat topiary here. The Business Support Coordinator goes south. >D First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see an Accounts Assistant, a staircase and some neat topiary here. The Accounts Assistant goes up. The Office Administrator arrives from the north. >D Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see some neat topiary and a staircase here. >D You paw the ground with your hooves, but your efforts to dig through the floor of the Ground Floor Atrium are about as pointless as you'd expect. The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. >S Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >S Are you sure you want to leave the building? This will end the workday (and depending on the state you've left things, possibly your career). y *** THE END You completed 14 of 14 quests. Well done! You caused 397 dollarydoos worth of damage. Your performance is considered exceptional. However, the cost of damages will be deducted from your earnings. *** Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT? > restart You are a fresh new intern at CorpoCorp, keen to make a good impression! As a strong team player who can also work independently, you feel you bring a lot to the table. You are also a gigantic unicorn with a chainsaw for a horn and a habit of causing untold destruction everywhere you go. Your last job was as an arena combatant in Bruce Bloodbath's notorious Chunder Games, and although you're very much looking forward to something a little more indoorsy you're still grappling with the instinctive urge to rend flesh from bone and crush limbs beneath your hooves. Press any key to begin, then choose subsequent keys much, much more carefully... Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 4 An Interactive Fiction by Damon L. Wakes Release 1 / Serial number 260923 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Foyer The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. You can see a receptionist and a front desk (on which is a telephone) here. >U You hop pointlessly on the spot, there being nothing upwards of the Foyer that you can possibly reach. The Ground Floor Atrium is north from here. The Main Entrance is south from here. The Security Office is east from here. Outback Taco is west from here. >N Ground Floor Atrium The Back-of-House Corridor is north from here. The Foyer is south from here. The First Floor Atrium is up from here. You can see a security guard, some unkempt topiary and a staircase here. The security guard goes north. >U First Floor Atrium The Break Room is north from here. The South Corridor is south from here. The Toilet Corridor is east from here. The Print Room is west from here. The Second Floor Atrium is up from here. The Ground Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >U Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >E Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >S East Open-Plan Office The Hot-Desking Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a chupacabra, a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. The chupacabra drools a little bit of goat blood on the floor. >W Open-Plan Office The Second Floor Atrium is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is east from here. The West Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >N Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. >Z ZZZ... You take a brief nap - standing up, since there are no other unicorns nearby to keep watch. "Hello there, Mr. Spleenbiscuit." The security guard arrives from below. >S Open-Plan Office The Second Floor Atrium is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is east from here. The West Open-Plan Office is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >W West Open-Plan Office The Relaxation Area is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is east from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)) and a swivel chair here. >N Relaxation Area The West Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is east from here. You can see some beanbags here. >E Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. >E Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a security guard, a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >N Meeting Room The Hot-Desking Area is south from here. You can see two swivel chairs and a polished table (on which is a speakerphone) here. >W You walk face-first into the west wall of the Meeting Room like the dumb horse you are. The Hot-Desking Area is south from here. >S Hot-Desking Area The Meeting Room is north from here. The East Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Second Floor Atrium is west from here. You can see a desk (on which are a PC and a mouse mat (on which is a mouse)), a swivel chair, a water cooler and a lost-and-found box (in which are some misplaced airbuds and an umbrella) here. >W Second Floor Atrium Secure Document Storage is north from here. The Open-Plan Office is south from here. The Hot-Desking Area is east from here. The Relaxation Area is west from here. The Third Floor Atrium is up from here. The First Floor Atrium is down from here. You can see a security guard, a staircase and some unkempt topiary here. The security guard goes up. >