Start of a transcript of: The Semantagician's Assistant An Interactive Job Application by Lance Nathan Release 2 / Serial number 250824 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Inform 7 v10.1.2 Identification number: //67AAAC75-A4F6-4CAA-822E-0B6321108491// Interpreter version 1.3.5 / VM 3.1.2 >l You're standing in a tight circle of light, darkness all around you. There's nothing to be seen except, in front of you, a pressure plate with "RELEASE FOR LIGHTS" written in small lettering in the corner. That pressure plate is being weighed down by, of course, a magician's silk top hat. >* && Hi Lance! I'm looking to do some magic. I hope I came to the right place. That's not a verb I recognise. >i It's hard to focus on yourself. You seem to be wearing a tuxedo and a cape, but that doesn't feel right. >x me It's hard to focus on yourself. You seem to be wearing a tuxedo and a cape, but that doesn't feel right. >jump You jump on the spot. >smell You smell nothing unexpected. >listen You hear nothing unexpected. >dance That's not a verb I recognise. >xyzzy That's not a verb I recognise. >e It's nothing but darkness out there. You are really, really disinclined to fumble around in it. >w It's nothing but darkness out there. You are really, really disinclined to fumble around in it. >l You're standing in a tight circle of light, darkness all around you. There's nothing to be seen except, in front of you, a pressure plate with "RELEASE FOR LIGHTS" written in small lettering in the corner. That pressure plate is being weighed down by, of course, a magician's silk top hat. >x plate You can't do much with the pressure plate directly: it's already pressed down, so pressing it won't help. You need to release it somehow. >x hat This is exactly the sort of hat magicians have used for years. To all appearances, it is empty. There's little enough doubt what you're expected to do with it. >look in hat The hat is empty. >feel in hat I only understood you as far as wanting to feel inside. >wear hat (first taking the hat) The hat is fastened to the pressure plate by unknown means. You get the sense that it's not that heavy itself, but that its weight comes from its contents...or would, except the hat is clearly empty. >enter hat That's not something you can enter. >take rabbit out of hat I only understood you as far as wanting to take the rabbit. >get rabbit Even though you could have sworn the hat was empty, you reach in and grab hold of something warm and furry. You remove it?with a flourish you didn't intend?and find yourself holding a rabbit. For a moment the spotlight intensifies and a swelling of applause fills the air, blinding and deafening you. When your senses clear, the spotlight is gone and you're in a much humbler space. Holding a rabbit. Please press SPACE to continue. The Semantagician's Assistant An Interactive Job Application by Lance Nathan Release 2 / Serial number 250824 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 (Type HELP for help or ABOUT for a brief description.) All you wanted was a job. That graphic design degree just isn't the lucrative cash cow you'd hoped for, so you started flipping to the classified ads in the free weekly indie paper, hoping someone would be looking to hire you for evening work. One thing led to another, and that's how you got locked in this magician's dressing room. Holding a rabbit. "So here's how this is gonna work," says the rabbit, which at this point is only mildly startling. "The name's Weldon, and I'll be guiding you through this audition process. By which I mean, you're gonna hold me and that's it. The boss would not like it if I got hurt. Or transformed. Or otherwise...just, the point is, don't." As he talks, he's also climbing your arm, and before you can react he's settled into the hood of your sweatshirt. "But I'm here for questions if you got 'em. Now all you gotta do is leave the room." Ooookay then. Time to take in your real surroundings. You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x rabbit You peek in the mirror to get a look at the rabbit in your hood. From all appearances, this is practically a prototypical rabbit. White fur, pink nose, cottontail. Of course, the prototypical rabbit wouldn't tell you that his name is Weldon, so, yeah, a little unusual. >pet rabbit You reach back, and the rabbit presses against your hand. "Petting is OK," he murmurs. >kiss rabbit Weldon the Magic Rabbit might not like that. >eat rabbit You try to grab Weldon, but the angle is all wrong and he twists away in a manner you can only describe as "pointed". "I warned you about this kind of thing," he says. >put weldon in oven tray with onions, garlic, and carrots. put tray in medium hot oven for 1,5 hours. meanwhile, el potatoes for mash. You can't see any such thing. >x devices You can't see any such thing. >x contraptions You can't see any such thing. >* && t's not because they're scenery that they shouldn't have a short description. That's not a verb I recognise. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x human-sized boxes You can't see any such thing. >x vanity Wedged between two contraptions is a small vanity: a desk and mirror combination, with no drawer. There's not even room for a chair; the semantagician must just crouch in front of it when preparing for shows. Half the mirror is covered in more newspaper clippings that seem to be glued onto it, as well as a single loose cartoon wedged in the corner and a sticky note near the top. The semantagician apparently stores their makeup somewhere else; the desktop has been swept nearly clean. Somehow the only things remaining on it are a 1-won coin and a photo of a church. >x mirror Wedged between two contraptions is a small vanity: a desk and mirror combination, with no drawer. There's not even room for a chair; the semantagician must just crouch in front of it when preparing for shows. Half the mirror is covered in more newspaper clippings that seem to be glued onto it, as well as a single loose cartoon wedged in the corner and a sticky note near the top. On the vanity are a won and a photo. >look in mirror On the vanity are a won and a photo. >x me You wore your cleanest sweatshirt and least-torn jeans for the interview. It's not the most professional clothing, but so far in this application process, "not professional" doesn't seem to be a red flag. The talking rabbit in your sweatshirt's hood might be Exhibit A. >take off sweatshirt You can't see any such thing. >i You are carrying: nothing Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x me in mirror I only understood you as far as wanting to examine yourself. >x desk Wedged between two contraptions is a small vanity: a desk and mirror combination, with no drawer. There's not even room for a chair; the semantagician must just crouch in front of it when preparing for shows. Half the mirror is covered in more newspaper clippings that seem to be glued onto it, as well as a single loose cartoon wedged in the corner and a sticky note near the top. On the vanity are a won and a photo. >x clippings Various newspaper clippings are tacked onto the walls. There's nothing remarkable about them: coverage of their shows, mostly lukewarm, occasionally positive. Some photos, most of which include the rabbit. A small handful give more biographical information?apparently the semantagician emigrated from Atlantis, which you only vaguely recall as an island country somewhere. >x cartoon A rabbit and a magician are seated at a bar. The magician is staring sadly at his empty glass; the rabbit is saying, "Maybe we should switch things up, and I could pull you out of a hat." It's...not very good. >ask weldon about cartoon Weldon says, "Not very funny, is it." >ask weldon about himself Weldon says, "Well, I was born in Cleveland in 1957, played water polo in high school and...c'mon, I'm a talking rabbit. What else am I gonna tell you that's going to be more informative than that?" >* && Hah! Funny. That's not a verb I recognise. >ask weldon about semantamagician Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about magician Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about clippings Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >x table Even at its scale-model size, there's no question what this device does, with its long chamber and slot for two blades in the middle. It's far too small to fit a person, but it'll definitely cut something in half. >x vanity Wedged between two contraptions is a small vanity: a desk and mirror combination, with no drawer. There's not even room for a chair; the semantagician must just crouch in front of it when preparing for shows. Half the mirror is covered in more newspaper clippings that seem to be glued onto it, as well as a single loose cartoon wedged in the corner and a sticky note near the top. On the vanity are a won and a photo. >read sticky notee I only understood you as far as wanting to read the sticky note. >read sticky note A small yellow square of paper on which someone, presumably the semantagician, has scrawled "Reminder: roster is in vanity drawer". Which is odd, because the vanity doesn't have a drawer. >open drawer You can't see any such thing. >look under vanity There is nothing under the vanity, though its underside has runners where a drawer could go. >x runners You can't see any such thing. >x won A small aluminum coin from South Korea, depicting what's probably the country's national flower. >take it Taken. >give won to weldon Weldon the Magic Rabbit doesn't seem interested. >x photo The photo shows the interior of a church, centered on the altar. Next to the large cross above the altar, someone?presumably the semantagician?has scrawled "How rood!". You get the joke, thanks to an art history professor in college who, in every single lecture on medieval churches, would say something along the lines of "Why did the chicken cross the rood?" or "And it's rood, rood, rood for the home team!". It was never funny, but boy did it drive home the fact that a "rood" is a large cross. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. On the vanity is a photo. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >stand on plate You can't see any such thing. >stand on pressure plate You wouldn't fit in the hat, or even on the pressure plate. >pull hat Nothing obvious happens. >take hat The hat is still fastened to the pressure plate, and the pressure plate isn't moving. >take pigeon You can't see any such thing. >take bouquet You can't see any such thing. >x posters The posters are variations on a theme: each depicts the magician....well, of course, they're wearing a tuxedo and a cape and holding a top hat in one hand and a white rabbit in the other. They're billed only as "The Amazing Semantagician". When you met your potential employer, before they locked you in here, they didn't give you their actual name. "Names have power," they said, and your desperation for a job kept you from rolling your eyes. "Just call me the semantagician." "What does that mean?" you asked. "Magicians manipulate objects. I manipulate the names of objects. I can turn a cub into a cube; I can turn a tub into a tube?" This time desperation took a back seat. "Hold on," you interrupted. "Doesn't that make you, like, an Orthographician? Spellingagician? Spellspeller...." You trailed off when you saw their stare, and they kept staring long enough for regret to kick in. Then they said, "Do you really want to debate semantics with a semantagician?" You did not. >* && So the drawer could be hiding in plain sight under a different but similar name (and appearance, I assume...) You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. On the vanity is a photo. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >look behind mirror You can't see any such thing. >x sawing table Even at its scale-model size, there's no question what this device does, with its long chamber and slot for two blades in the middle. It's far too small to fit a person, but it'll definitely cut something in half. >x connected rings Definitely a classic magician's trick: two rings that go back and forth between being connected and disconnected. This seems like a variation on the theme, in which the two connected rings become a single ring (and vice versa). >x chinese wheel This isn't standard magician's equipment, but it's so completely covered in Mystickal Markings(TM) and pseudo-Orientalist nonsense that it couldn't belong to anyone but a magician. It's demarcated into twelve segments, like a clock, one of which has a compartment that opens and closes; it is currently open. There's a dial in the center that apparently rotates the entire contraption. >* && I'm imagining something like a rotating puzzle box? That's not a verb I recognise. >x compartment A small compartment. >close it You close the compartment. >open it You open the compartment. >x dial You can't see any such thing. >rotate wheel (turning it a single segment; you can also TURN THE WHEEL BY [N] SEGMENTS or just TURN THE WHEEL [N] to turn it further) (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >x wheel This isn't standard magician's equipment, but it's so completely covered in Mystickal Markings(TM) and pseudo-Orientalist nonsense that it couldn't belong to anyone but a magician. It's demarcated into twelve segments, like a clock, one of which has a compartment that opens and closes; it is currently closed. There's a dial in the center that apparently rotates the entire contraption. >open compartment You open the compartment. >look in compartment The compartment is empty. >rotate wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment. >look in compartment The compartment is empty. >rotate wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >look in compartment You can't see inside, since the compartment is closed. >open compartment You open the compartment. >look in compartment The compartment is empty. >look in compartment The compartment is empty. >rotate wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment. >look in compartment The compartment is empty. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. On the vanity is a photo. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x chimera machine Most magicians don't own a chimera machine. Most magicians haven't even heard of them. Neither have you, really, and you only identified this one by the words "CHIMERA MACHINE" painted on the side in orange. Other than the words, it's basically just a wooden box decorated with animals dancing together in pairs: there's a lizard and a polecat doing a sort of tango, a brown bear with a wild pig, several moose with?well, you get the idea. There's a button on one side, and a lever on the other attached to an arc numbered from 1 to 5, with the lever currently pointing at 1. >put weldon in chimera machine You try to grab Weldon, but the angle is all wrong and he twists away in a manner you can only describe as "pointed". "I warned you about this kind of thing," he says. >ask weldon about chinese wheel Weldon says, "OK, so, Chinese, twelve segments in a circle. Remind you of anything?" >ask weldon about chimera machine Weldon says, "Not to be all 'read the manual' about it, but have you even tried to 'use' the chimera machine yet?" >push button You close the machine and push the button. Nothing seems to happen, and a moment later the lid pops open again. The machine is still empty. >get in machine That's not something you can enter. >pull lever The lever is stuck. Weldon mutters, "Yeah, I keep telling them to get that fixed." >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. On the vanity is a photo. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x rotator Several tricks use a rotating disc of some sort: blindfolded knife-throwing, certain "random choice" elements that aren't really random. This is a much smaller, much simpler device: just a disc, mounted on a table, parallel to the ground. You can put something on it, and you can spin it, and that's about it. >x funnel A large inverted funnel-shaped bin?wide enough to fit medium-sized objects at the top, but wider at the bottom?is attached to a metal framework. The framework looks as if it should be reversible, but not in a way that doesn't involve a hex wrench and a lot of effort. Adding to the sense of invertibility is the writing: written below the smaller opening at the top is the word ACTION; written above the larger opening at the bottom, upside-down, is the word REACTION. Lights, which are off, line the sides. Attached to the framework, below the bin, is a padded shelf. >x shelf A padded shelf, below the opening at the bottom of the funnel-like bin. >open it It isn't something you can open. >ask weldon about funnel Weldon says, "Not to be all 'read the manual' about it, but have you even tried to 'use' the funnel yet?" >ask weldon about rotator Weldon says, "Not to be all 'read the manual' about it, but have you even tried to 'use' the rotator yet?" >ask weldon about rings Weldon says, "Not to be all 'read the manual' about it, but have you even tried to 'use' the pair of connected rings yet?" >take rings You feel Weldon twitch behind you. "You can use the devices," he says, "but don't move them." >use rings To use the rings, put something through them. >put hand through rings You can't see any such thing. >use saw You can't see any such thing. >use table If the sawing table is joined, you can put things in its chamber and then separate it. If the table is separated, you can put things in its upper and lower chambers and then join it. >use wheel You can use the wheel by putting something in its compartment, and by turning the wheel (or turning it by a number of segments, or just "turn wheel "). >* && I like very much that the command USE gives a short description of how to operate the devices. That's not a verb I recognise. >use chimera You can use the chimera machine by putting things into it, pushing the button, and pulling or pushing the lever. >push lever The lever is stuck. >use rotator To use the rotator, simply turn or rotate it. >turn it You give the rotator a spin. Other than a faint whirring noise, nothing particularly happens, and eventually it slows down and stops. >use funnel You can put something in funnel; it should come out the bottom and land on the padded shelf. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. On the vanity is a photo. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >take photo Taken. >i You are carrying: a photo a won Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >put won in funnel You drop the won into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >x won A small aluminum coin from South Korea, depicting what's probably the country's national flower. >take it Taken. >put photo in funnel You drop the photo into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >take photo Taken. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >* && Saved the most intruiging for last... That's not a verb I recognise. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x kitchen You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >open refrigerator It isn't something you can open. >x refrigerator A small model refrigerator, perhaps tin-coated plastic. The doors do not open. >x bedroom You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x bed A dollhouse-sized bed with undetachable sheets and a blanket. >look under bed You find nothing of interest. >x blanket You can't see any such thing. >x office You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x bookshelf A miniature of a simple wooden bookshelf, empty of books. >x chair A plain wooden chair. >take it You try to remove the chair from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >x garage You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x slots There are slots in the floor of all of the rooms, most of which have furnishings in them. They look like a mechanism for holding things in place. >x wardrobe A tall (by dollhouse standards) wooden structure. Its doors do not open. >take it You try to remove the wardrobe from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >look under dollhouse You find nothing of interest. >look behind dollhouse You can't see any such thing. >take dollhouse That's hardly portable. >put coin in slots That can't contain things. >put coin on bed Putting things on the bed would achieve nothing. >ask weldon about dollhouse Weldon says, "The furnishings look interesting, don't they." >open chimera It isn't something you can open. >put photo and coin in chimera photo: You try to put the photo into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. won: You try to put the won into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put photo through rings You reach out towards the rings with the photo. But as you get close, the air seems to thicken, until you feel like you're moving your hand through molasses. You're not going to be able to put the photo through the rings. >put coin through rings You reach out towards the rings with the won. But as you get close, the air seems to thicken, until you feel like you're moving your hand through molasses. You're not going to be able to put the won through the rings. >put coin in compartment You try to put the won into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put photo in compartment You try to put the photo into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put photo in sawing table You put the photo into the full-length chamber. >x table Even at its scale-model size, there's no question what this device does, with its long chamber and slot for two blades in the middle. It's far too small to fit a person, but it'll definitely cut something in half. >close table You don't need to worry about opening and closing the chambers manually; you can take care of it as part of joining and separating the table. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the blades and try to slide them into their slot in the center of the table, but something goes wrong: they won't go straight and keep trying to slip. Behind you, Weldon says, "You know how to saw things in half, right? By sawing them in half. Not, like, thirds or four ninths or something." Sighing, you put the blades back down and open the chamber again. >take photo Taken. >x it The photo shows the interior of a church, centered on the altar. Next to the large cross above the altar, someone?presumably the semantagician?has scrawled "How rood!". >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the twin blades and slide them into the center of the table, meeting no resistance. Once they're in place, the table neatly separates into two halves. The chambers open, empty. >x table Even at its scale-model size, there's no question what this device does, with its two separated chambers, each with a cleaver-like blade at one end. The chambers are far too small to fit half a person, but it'll definitely hold the halves of something. >put photo in chamber Which do you mean, the upper chamber or the lower chamber? >upper You put the photo into the upper chamber. >put coin in lower chamber You put the won into the lower chamber. >join chambers You can't see any such thing. >join table Closing the chambers, you push the two halves of the table together and reach for the blades. When you try to pull them out, they feel like they're pushing at the sides of their respective compartments. After a moment, Weldon says, "All right, look. The table is strictly for sawing things in half. Maybe "photowon" is a real thing, maybe it's not, I'm not saying either way. But those aren't halves, so it'll never work." He seems to be right; you give in and separate the two table halves again. >take won and photo won: Taken. photo: Taken. >put photo on disc You put the photo on the rotator. >rotate disc You tug on the rotator, but it seems to be stuck, as if the photo is locking it in place. >take photo. put coin on disc Taken. You put the won on the rotator. >rotate disc You put your hand on the rotator and start to pull, but you meet a resistance that you can feel in your spine. Weldon taps the back of your neck with a paw and says, "I'm not sure what you think is gonna happen here, but nothing good's gonna come from this." By the time he's done talking, your hand is back at your side and your bones no longer ache. >get coin Taken. >sit on disc That's not something you can sit down on. >stand on disc That's not something you can stand on. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x refrigerator A small model refrigerator, perhaps tin-coated plastic. The doors do not open. >take it You try to remove the refrigerator from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >take bed You try to remove the bed from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >take wardrobe You try to remove the wardrobe from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >take bookshelf You try to remove the bookshelf from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >take chair You try to remove the chair from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >x slots There are slots in the floor of all of the rooms, most of which have furnishings in them. They look like a mechanism for holding things in place. >slide bed That's not a verb I recognise. >push bed Nothing obvious happens. >pull bed Nothing obvious happens. >rotate bed Nothing obvious happens. >* && Trying to find the trick to release the furniture from the slots. That's not a verb I recognise. >x doll house You can't see any such thing. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >put photo in slots That can't contain things. >ask weldon about slots Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about furniture Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about bed Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse." >weldon, take bed Weldon seems disinclined to take orders. (If you need his help, you can ASK WELDON ABOUT something specific.) >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for clich . There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >put coin in hat Weighing down the pressure plate would presumably turn off the lights again, and you're definitely better off seeing what you're doing. >* && I'm guessing that the magical devices work with the dollhouse furniture. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && And maybe I need to think more about how the magician manipulates names... That's not a verb I recognise. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with slots in the floor. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x wardrobe A tall (by dollhouse standards) wooden structure. Its doors do not open. >take drawer You can't see any such thing. >* && WARDRobE -> drawer! That's not a verb I recognise. >take wardrobe You try to remove the wardrobe from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >look in slots You find nothing of interest. >x slots There are slots in the floor of all of the rooms, most of which have furnishings in them. They look like a mechanism for holding things in place. >x mechanism You can't see any such thing. >x furnishings Which do you mean, the refrigerator, the bed, the bookshelf, the chair, or the wardrobe? >push wardrobe Nothing obvious happens. >pull wardrobe Nothing obvious happens. >turn wardrobe Nothing obvious happens. >lift wardrobe That's not a verb I recognise. >ask bunny about wardrobe Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse, although...I'll grant it's an interesting one." >ask bunny about roster Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask bunny about drawer Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask bunny about chair Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse." >ask bunny about bed Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse." >ask bunny about bookshelf Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse." >* && See! He doesn't say that the other stuff is "interesting". That's not a verb I recognise. >ask bunny about fridge Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse." >put coin in slots That can't contain things. >put coin in garage You can't find a good place for the won in the dollhouse. >pull drawer You can't see any such thing. >x devices You can't see any such thing. >release rings That's not a verb I recognise. >open rings It isn't something you can open. >pull rings Nothing obvious happens. >separate rings That's not something you can separate. >unite rings That's not a verb I recognise. >ask weldon about wardrobe Weldon says, "Just a furnishing from the dollhouse, although...I'll grant it's an interesting one." >x posters The posters are variations on a theme: each depicts the magician....well, of course, they're wearing a tuxedo and a cape and holding a top hat in one hand and a white rabbit in the other. They're billed only as "The Amazing Semantagician". >rename wardrobe That's not a verb I recognise. >open drawer You can't see any such thing. >x wardrobe A tall (by dollhouse standards) wooden structure. Its doors do not open. >close doors You can't see any such thing. >open wardrobe It isn't something you can open. >script off End of transcript. & & & & Start of a transcript of: The Semantagician's Assistant An Interactive Job Application by Lance Nathan Release 2 / Serial number 250824 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Inform 7 v10.1.2 Identification number: //67AAAC75-A4F6-4CAA-822E-0B6321108491// Interpreter version 1.3.5 / VM 3.1.2 >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >* && Can I move? That's not a verb I recognise. >n Leaving sounds great. Unfortunately, there are no exits to be seen. >push plate You can't see any such thing. >push pressure plate Weighing down the pressure plate would presumably turn off the lights again, and you're definitely better off seeing what you're doing. >* && "plate" should really be recognised as "pressure plate". That's not a verb I recognise. >* && Th objects I hae now don't work in the magical devices. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && Weldon says the wardrobe is "interesting". That's not a verb I recognise. >* && The semantamagician twists words and names. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && "wardrobe" just needs to get rid of the "ob" and then some rearrangement to get "drawer". That's not a verb I recognise. >* && But how do I manipulate names or words? That's not a verb I recognise. >ask weldon about semantamagician Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >* && Huh. Bunny should at least know something. That's not a verb I recognise. >ask weldon about magic Weldon says, "Well, I was born in Cleveland in 1957, played water polo in high school and...c'mon, I'm a talking rabbit. What else am I gonna tell you that's going to be more informative than that?" >ask weldon about names Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about drawer Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about vanity Weldon says, "Have you looked at the vanity carefully enough? There's something on it that might be helpful." >x vanity Wedged between two contraptions is a small vanity: a desk and mirror combination, with no drawer. There's not even room for a chair; the semantagician must just crouch in front of it when preparing for shows. Half the mirror is covered in more newspaper clippings that seem to be glued onto it, as well as a single loose cartoon wedged in the corner and a sticky note near the top. >x note A small yellow square of paper on which someone, presumably the semantagician, has scrawled "Reminder: roster is in vanity drawer". Which is odd, because the vanity doesn't have a drawer. >* && No, the drawer is in the dollhouse, disguised as a wardrobe. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >* && Something on the photo? That's not a verb I recognise. >x photo The photo shows the interior of a church, centered on the altar. Next to the large cross above the altar, someone?presumably the semantagician?has scrawled "How rood!". >x rood You can't see any such thing. >ask bunny about rood Weldon says, "The photo's something they were using as a visual reference." >* && To what? That's not a verb I recognise. >x coin A small aluminum coin from South Korea, depicting what's probably the country's national flower. >x flower You can't see any such thing. >* && It's the Hibiscus syriacus, by the way. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >* && Yes, you had me searching wikipedia. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >ask bunny about clippings Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >i You are carrying: a won a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x cartoon A rabbit and a magician are seated at a bar. The magician is staring sadly at his empty glass; the rabbit is saying, "Maybe we should switch things up, and I could pull you out of a hat." It's...not very good. >* && Actually, I think it's funny to imagine this scene. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >get cartoon You pull the cartoon out of the mirror's frame. It wasn't even taped in place; no one's going to miss it. >get note Taken. >i You are carrying: a sticky note a cartoon a won a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && Ah. A few more objects to work with. Let's hope I can at least get started. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && For example, if I can drop the "e" from "note", flip it to get "ton", and attach it to "won", I'll have me a dumpling! You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >put note on disc You put the sticky note on the rotator. >turn disc You tug on the rotator, but it seems to be stuck, as if the sticky note is locking it in place. >get note Taken. >put note in funnel You drop the sticky note into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >get note Taken. >put cartoon in funnel You drop the cartoon into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >get cartoon Taken. >put cartoon through rings You reach out towards the rings with the cartoon. There's a faint shimmering, and the cartoon blurs as it passes through, until it comes out the other side as a carton, which you take with your other hand. >g You can't see any such thing. > I beg your pardon? >put carton through rings You reach out towards the rings with the carton. There's a faint shimmering, and the carton blurs as it passes through, until it comes out the other side as a cartoon, which you take with your other hand. >undo Magician's Dressing Room [Previous turn undone.] >i You are carrying: a carton a sticky note a won a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x carton A half-gallon cardboard milk carton, open and empty. On the back is a photo of Weldon captioned "If you see this rabbit, return to his hat. Reward offered." >ask weldon about carton Weldon says, "Man, look at that photo of me. I look so young." >put won through discs You can't see any such thing. >put won through rings You reach out towards the rings with the won. But as you get close, the air seems to thicken, until you feel like you're moving your hand through molasses. You're not going to be able to put the won through the rings. >put carton in table The table currently sits in two separate parts; you'll need to specify whether you mean the upper half or the lower half. >join table You push the two halves of the table together and slide out the blades, which come loose easily. Once they're removed, the table remains joined, with its single full-length chamber. The chamber opens, empty. >put carton in table You put the carton into the full-length chamber. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the twin blades and slide them into the center of the table, meeting minimal resistance. Once they're in place, the table neatly separates into two halves. The chambers open, revealing a car and a ton. >x ton A small replica of a one-ton weight: black, trapezoidal, with "1 TON" written on the side and a ring on the top. >x car A model car. Bright red, probably some sort of sports car; cars aren't really your thing. >get ton You reach in and take the...wow, never mind. This thing is not kidding around. For a palm-sized replica, it feels like it weighs...well, a ton. Does the semantagician have a supplier for depleted uranium or something? Whatever it is, you are not lifting this thing. >take car Taken. It's heavier than you expected?not like real-car heavy, but it's clearly metal and not plastic. >put car in garage You put the car into the empty slots in the dollhouse floor. As you do, you hear a small click. >* && Ah! Progress! That's not a verb I recognise. >* && I don't know where we're going, but at least we're moving! You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >i You are carrying: a sticky note a won a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && I want a dumpling! That's not a verb I recognise. >put won in upper chamber You put the won into the upper chamber. >join table You push the two halves of the table together and slide out the blades, which come loose with slight effort. Once they're removed, the table remains joined, with its single full-length chamber. The chamber opens, revealing a wonton. >* && YES!! And now some soup. That's not a verb I recognise. >get dumpling You can't see any such thing. >get wonton Taken. >taste it You taste nothing unexpected. >lick wonton That's not a verb I recognise. >eat it Definitely pork, and definitely better than the instant ramen you've been living off since graduation. >i You are carrying: a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >undo Magician's Dressing Room [Previous turn undone.] >undo Magician's Dressing Room [Previous turn undone.] >i You are carrying: a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && Careful with the wonton... That's not a verb I recognise. >eat dumpling You can't see any such thing. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and a wardrobe, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with a car. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >x empty rooms You can't see any such thing. >x car A model car. Bright red, probably some sort of sports car; cars aren't really your thing. >take wardrobe You remove the wardrobe from the dollhouse. As you lift it out, you hear a small click from the slots in the floor beneath it. >* && Aha! That's not a verb I recognise. >x wardrobe A tall (by dollhouse standards) wooden structure. Its doors do not open. >join table The table is already joined. >put wardrobe through rings You reach out towards the rings with the wardrobe. But as you get close, the air seems to thicken, until you feel like you're moving your hand through molasses. You're not going to be able to put the wardrobe through the rings. >* && Hmmm... which operations do I need to get the "o" and the "b" gone while keeping the intermediate stages real words. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && That is the game right? That's not a verb I recognise. >put wardrobe in table You put the wardrobe into the full-length chamber. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the twin blades and slide them into the center of the table, meeting minimal resistance. Once they're in place, the table neatly separates into two halves. The chambers open, revealing a ward and a robe. >x ward A steel square with a complex design etched into it, involving concentric circles and stars and some sigils you can't even look at directly. >x robe A wizard's robe, or perhaps more properly a magician's robe. It has been neatly folded and tied tightly with a gold cord. It also feels like there's something long and thin inside the robe, but you can't get at it while it's tied. >x cord A braided gold cord with tassels at each end, threaded through the loops at the robe's waist. Ordinarily, you would tie it loosely at the front to keep the robe closed. At the moment, it is instead tied tightly around the robe, keeping you from unfolding it. >take robe Taken. >untie cord You claw at the knot for a few seconds, but it becomes clear that it's simply tied too tight. >take ward Taken. >i You are carrying: a ward a robe a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >wear robe The robe is tightly bound by the cord on it. You can't even unfold it, never mind wear it. >x ward A steel square with a complex design etched into it, involving concentric circles and stars and some sigils you can't even look at directly. >put ward on disc You put the ward on the rotator. >turn disc You put your hand on the rotator and start to pull, but you meet a resistance that you can feel in your spine. Weldon taps the back of your neck with a paw and says, "I'm not sure what you think is gonna happen here, but nothing good's gonna come from this." By the time he's done talking, your hand is back at your side and your bones no longer ache. >get ward Taken. >put ward in wheel You try to put the ward into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put robe in wheel You try to put the robe into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put ward and photo in chimera ward: You try to put the ward into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. photo: You try to put the photo into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put robe in chimera You try to put the robe into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >x dollhouse You might wonder why the semantagician has a dollhouse, but strange things seem to be pretty par for the course for them. It's quite lovely, if a bit underfurnished: there's a kitchen with a refrigerator, a bedroom with a bed and slots in the floor, an office with a bookshelf and a chair, and a garage with a car. Several other rooms are empty; this must be a work in progress. >get fridge You try to remove the refrigerator from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >x bed A dollhouse-sized bed with undetachable sheets and a blanket. >get bed You try to remove the bed from the dollhouse, but it's set into small slots in the floor, which seem to have something in them that holds it in place. >* && If I put one object in, I can take one object out? You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >put ward in upper You put the ward into the upper chamber. >put robe in lower You put the robe into the lower chamber. >join chambers You can't see any such thing. >join table You push the two halves of the table together and slide out the blades, which come loose with slight effort. Once they're removed, the table remains joined, with its single full-length chamber. The chamber opens, revealing a wardrobe. >get wardrobe Taken. >put wardrobe in dollhouse You put the wardrobe into the empty slots in the dollhouse floor. As you do, you hear a small click. >get bookshelf You remove the bookshelf from the dollhouse. As you lift it out, you hear a small click from the slots in the floor beneath it. >* && Okay. Another mechanic figured out. That's not a verb I recognise. >put bookshelf in table You put the bookshelf into the full-length chamber. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the blades and try to slide them into their slot in the center of the table, but something goes wrong: they won't go straight and keep trying to slip. Behind you, Weldon says, "You know how to saw things in half, right? By sawing them in half. Not, like, thirds or four ninths or something." Sighing, you put the blades back down and open the chamber again. >* && Oh. Not only do the words have to mean something, they have to be the same amount of letters! You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >take bookshelf Taken. >put bookshelf in funnel You drop the bookshelf into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >get it Taken. >* && "book" is exactly 4/9ths of "bookshelf". Did you put that in intentionally? That's not a verb I recognise. >put bookshelf in slots That can't contain things. >put bookshelf on slots Putting things on the slots would achieve nothing. >put bookshelf in dollhouse You put the bookshelf into the empty slots in the dollhouse floor. As you do, you hear a small click. >get bed You remove the bed from the dollhouse. As you lift it out, you hear a small click from the slots in the floor beneath it. >i You are carrying: a bed a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >put bed on disc You put the bed on the rotator. >turn disc You tug on the rotator, but it seems to be stuck, as if the bed is locking it in place. >get bed Taken. >put bed in wheel You try to put the bed into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >* && I'm going to stay on track with the wardrobe. I don't see how I could change the other furniture into something usefyul. That's not a verb I recognise. >put bed in house You can't see any such thing. >put bed in dollhouse You put the bed into the empty slots in the dollhouse floor. As you do, you hear a small click. >get wardrobe You remove the wardrobe from the dollhouse. As you lift it out, you hear a small click from the slots in the floor beneath it. >put wardrobe in table You put the wardrobe into the full-length chamber. >saw table That's not a verb I recognise. >cut table You don't have anything sharp enough. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the twin blades and slide them into the center of the table, meeting minimal resistance. Once they're in place, the table neatly separates into two halves. The chambers open, revealing a ward and a robe. >get ward and robe ward: Taken. robe: Taken. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x bin A large inverted funnel-shaped bin?wide enough to fit medium-sized objects at the top, but wider at the bottom?is attached to a metal framework. The framework looks as if it should be reversible, but not in a way that doesn't involve a hex wrench and a lot of effort. Adding to the sense of invertibility is the writing: written below the smaller opening at the top is the word ACTION; written above the larger opening at the bottom, upside-down, is the word REACTION. Lights, which are off, line the sides. Attached to the framework, below the bin, is a padded shelf. >x funnel A large inverted funnel-shaped bin?wide enough to fit medium-sized objects at the top, but wider at the bottom?is attached to a metal framework. The framework looks as if it should be reversible, but not in a way that doesn't involve a hex wrench and a lot of effort. Adding to the sense of invertibility is the writing: written below the smaller opening at the top is the word ACTION; written above the larger opening at the bottom, upside-down, is the word REACTION. Lights, which are off, line the sides. Attached to the framework, below the bin, is a padded shelf. >x frame You can't see any such thing. >x shelf A padded shelf, below the opening at the bottom of the funnel-like bin. >touch it You feel nothing unexpected. >* && ACTION ----> REACTION ? That's not a verb I recognise. >i You are carrying: a robe a ward a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && Can I get a REward? That's not a verb I recognise. >put ward in funnel bin You drop the ward into the top of the funnel. It doesn't fall through immediately; instead, the lights along the side of the bin start to glow white, and mechanical noises emanate from the bin. Suddenly the lights go out, and with a soft "plop", a reward falls onto the padded shelf. >x reward An envelope labeled "Reward for return of rabbit". It's too thin to have any real amount of money in it, and from the feel of it you get the sinking suspicion that it contains two tickets to the semantagician's show. Definitely not worth opening. >open envelope You can't see any such thing. >i You are carrying: a robe a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >get reward Taken. >i You are carrying: a reward a robe a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >open reward Definitely not worth opening. >put reward in funnel You drop the reward into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >get envelope You can't see any such thing. >get reward Taken. >* && Haha! That's not a verb I recognise. >* && A "renote" 's not a thing, right. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >* && And a "rerobe" isn't either, but a RECORD is! You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >put robe in funnel bin You drop the robe into the top of the funnel. It doesn't fall through immediately; instead, the lights along the side of the bin start to glow white, and mechanical noises emanate from the bin. Suddenly the lights go out, and with a soft "plop", the robe falls onto the padded shelf. It no longer has a cord on it; it now has a record on it. >x record A vinyl 45 of Screamin' Jay Hawkins's "I Put a Spell On You". Hilarious. >* && Oh yeah! Great song. That's not a verb I recognise. >play record That's not a verb I recognise. >listen to record You hear nothing unexpected. >scream That's not a verb I recognise. >say I put a spell on you becuase you're mine to rabbit You're met with silence. >sing That's not a verb I recognise. >ask bunny about screaming jay Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask bunny about music Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >show record to bunny (first taking the record) Weldon says, "Unless there's a record player around here, and there's not, you've done everything you need to do with that." >* && Screw this job interview. I'm going home with this record. Put it on the turntable, lay back in my easy chair. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >s Leaving sounds great. Unfortunately, there are no exits to be seen. >out Leaving sounds great. Unfortunately, there are no exits to be seen. >leave Leaving sounds great. Unfortunately, there are no exits to be seen. >go home You can't see any such thing. >get record and robe record: You already have that. robe: Taken. >wear robe You shake out the robe and hold it up against your chest. It's the perfect size for the semantagician, which makes it a few sizes too small for you; there's clearly no use in trying. As you unfold it, however, something falls to the ground. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see a rod and six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >* && A rod... that's a door. And a rood is a church cross. That's not a verb I recognise. >put rod through rings (first taking the rod) You reach out towards the rings with the rod. There's a faint shimmering, and the rod blurs as it passes through, until it comes out the other side as a rood, which you take with your other hand. >x rood It's a wooden crucifix, clearly modeled after the one in the photograph but thankfully only about a foot tall. "Did the semantagician make this?" you ask Weldon. "Yeah," says the rabbit. "They spend a lot of time fine-tuning the devices to only produce reasonably-sized things. And when they can't find something the right size, they end up making it themselves." >nail weldon to cross That's not a verb I recognise. >i You are carrying: a rood a robe a record a reward a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && And I now finally have something which I can switch around. That's not a verb I recognise. >put cross on disc You can't see any such thing. >put rood on disc You put the rood on the rotator. >rotate disc You give the rotator a spin. The rood blurs, and then vibrates, and then something shifts and the vibration and rotation slow, and then stop. In place of the rood, there is now a door. >x door A pretty standard door?and life-sized, which is a pleasant surprise given the scale-model rood that produced it. Its most notable features are its color, which is an off-white that contrasts starkly with its garish surroundings, and its large brass lock. >take door You stretch your arms around the door, trying to lift it. It's heavy, and unwieldy, and the whole thing might go better if Weldon weren't making huffy little noises every time you bend over. Eventually, as you wrangle it off the rotator, it slips from your hands and slams against the west wall. So, good news: there's finally a door. Of course, the bad news is its ostentatiously large lock. >open door You'd love to, but you're not going anywhere while the door is locked. >ask weldon about door Weldon says, "Yeah, that's the door out. Probably want to go through it, since that was the whole point of the interview." >* && My interview was making sure I don't die locked up in this room? That's not a verb I recognise. >x lock A large brass lock, unremarkable beyond the fact that it's in your way. >unlock it You don't have a key. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >* && The newly added door on the west wall isn't mentioned in the location description. That's not a verb I recognise. >i You are carrying: a robe a record a reward a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && And now? A key, I suppose... You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >* && And I still need to make a drawer. That's not a verb I recognise. >save Ok. >script off End of transcript. & & & & Start of a transcript of: The Semantagician's Assistant An Interactive Job Application by Lance Nathan Release 2 / Serial number 250824 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 Inform 7 v10.1.2 Identification number: //67AAAC75-A4F6-4CAA-822E-0B6321108491// Interpreter version 1.3.5 / VM 3.1.2 >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >x door A pretty standard door?and life-sized, which is a pleasant surprise given the scale-model rood that produced it. Its most notable features are its color, which is an off-white that contrasts starkly with its garish surroundings, and its large brass lock. >i You are carrying: a robe a record a reward a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >* && I'm an idiot! I was so happy to make a "reward" that I didn't realise I'd made a "drawer"! That's not a verb I recognise. >* && I only figured it out while I was falling asleep last night. That's not a verb I recognise. >* && I also thought that once I got the "roster" that's mentioned on the note, I can make a male chicken! You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >put reward on disc You put the reward on the rotator. >spin it Nothing obvious happens. >spin disc You give the rotator a spin. The reward blurs, and then vibrates, and then something shifts and the vibration and rotation slow, and then stop. In place of the reward, there is now a drawer. >put drawer in vanity (first taking the drawer) You slide the drawer into the runners attached to the underside of the vanity. It's now firmly attached, and obviously closed. >open it You can't see 'it' (nothing) at the moment. >open drawer You open the drawer, revealing a roster. >get roster Taken. >x it A list of positions and players for a sports team. You don't recognize the names of the players, or the name of the team. Or, honestly, the positions; sports was never your forte. Hockey, maybe? > put roster through rings You reach out towards the rings with the roster. There's a faint shimmering, and the roster blurs as it passes through, until it comes out the other side as a rooster, which you take with your other hand. >i You are carrying: a rooster a robe a record a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x rooster It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real rooster. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. The semantagician tried to explain this to you before you started. "Rather than manipulating living beings," they said, "I use simulacra." At least you think they said "simulacra"?that's what you heard, but their lips moved to say "homunculi". Or maybe you heard them say "homunculi" and saw them say "simulacra". You weren't really comfortable with either word, honestly. Now that you're seeing one for the first time, you're glad to know you're not making living things blink in and out of existence. The weight and warmth of Weldon nestled against your back now feels less like an annoyance and more like a reassurance. >i You are carrying: a rooster a robe a record a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x rooster It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real rooster. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >* && Just to remind myself, I'm looking for a "key". You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >give wonton to chicken You can't see any such thing. >give wonton to rooster You can only do that to something animate. >x cock You can't see any such thing. >lick cock That's not a verb I recognise. >x devices You can't see any such thing. >l You're not entirely convinced that this is a real dressing room, as opposed to the fevered dream of a set designer with a flair for cliché. There's barely room to move for all the contraptions and devices and human-sized boxes, each painted in colors more garish than the last; even the small vanity table and mirror look like they're competing for space. Newspaper clippings and posters cover the walls and part of the mirror as well. Other than the vanity, the most mundane piece of furniture in the room, relatively speaking, is a dollhouse. The hat and its pressure plate are still here, but much less dramatic than before. You can also see six magical devices (a divided sawing table, a pair of connected rings, a Chinese wheel, a chimera machine (empty), a rotator, and a funnel) here. >put rooster in funnel bin You drop the rooster into the top of the funnel. It falls through immediately and lands with a soft "plop" on the padded shelf, unchanged. >get rooster Taken. >put rooster in hat Weighing down the pressure plate would presumably turn off the lights again, and you're definitely better off seeing what you're doing. >i You are carrying: a rooster a robe a record a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >x robe A wizard's robe, or perhaps more properly a magician's robe, hanging loosely. >x lever The lever is currently stuck at 1. >put rooster in chimera machine You put the rooster into the chimera machine. >put robe in machine You try to put the robe into the chimera machine, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >get in machine That's not something you can enter. >put weldon in chimera machine You try to grab Weldon, but the angle is all wrong and he twists away in a manner you can only describe as "pointed". "I warned you about this kind of thing," he says. >push button You close the machine and press the button. The machine shudders for a moment, and then the lid pops open, revealing the rooster, unchanged. >get rooster Taken. >x drawer A standard drawer, attached to the vanity. >get drawer That seems to be a part of the vanity. >* && Oh that's a pity! I wanted my free tickets back. That's not a verb I recognise. >i You are carrying: a rooster a robe a record a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. > robe That's not a verb I recognise. >x robe A wizard's robe, or perhaps more properly a magician's robe, hanging loosely. >search robe You find nothing of interest. >put rooster in wheel You put the rooster into the compartment. >close compartment You close the compartment. >turn wheel You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a dog. >* && Oh my! I can create god! That's not a verb I recognise. >get dog Taken. >x it It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real dog. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >put dog on disc You put the dog on the rotator. >spin disc You give the rotator a spin. The dog blurs, and then vibrates, and then something shifts and the vibration and rotation slow, and then stop. In place of the dog, there is now a god. >x god You're not sure what you were expecting, but somehow you ended up with a three-inch-tall, one-eyed, bearded figure with a raven on his shoulder. He looks wise and perhaps a little sad. >* && Greetings, Odin. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >x odin You can't see any such thing. >talk to god The god is unlikely to respond; as a simulacrum, it can't actually hear you or make sounds. >x wheel This isn't standard magician's equipment, but it's so completely covered in Mystickal Markings(TM) and pseudo-Orientalist nonsense that it couldn't belong to anyone but a magician. It's demarcated into twelve segments, like a clock, one of which has a compartment that opens and closes; it is currently open. There's a dial in the center that apparently rotates the entire contraption. >put god in wheel You try to put the god into the Chinese wheel, but you meet an invisible resistance. Looks like that just won't fit in there. >put god n disc I didn't understand that sentence. >put god on disc (first taking the god) You put the god on the rotator. >rotate disc You give the rotator a spin. The god blurs, and then vibrates, and then something shifts and the vibration and rotation slow, and then stop. In place of the god, there is now a dog. >put dog in wheel (first taking the dog) You put the dog into the compartment. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a pig. >turn wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a rat. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing an ox. >put ox through rings (first taking the ox) You reach out towards the rings with the ox. But as you get close, the air seems to thicken, until you feel like you're moving your hand through molasses. You're not going to be able to put the ox through the rings. >put ox in wheel You put the ox into the compartment. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a tiger. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a rabbit. >x rabbit (the rabbit) It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real rabbit?but a brown one, one that looks nothing like Weldon, who is craning his neck over your shoulder and glaring unhappily at it. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >ask weldon about rabbit (the rabbit) Weldon says, "It's a simala...a fake animal. Part of the Chinese?look, I really hate that thing. Make it go away." >ask weldon about god Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about dog Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >ask weldon about pig Weldon sounds bored. "I wouldn't know anything about that." >put rabbit in hat (the rabbit in the top hat) Weighing down the pressure plate would presumably turn off the lights again, and you're definitely better off seeing what you're doing. Besides, you've already pulled a rabbit out of it once; doing it again won't be nearly as impressive. >put rabbit in wheel (the rabbit in the Chinese wheel) (first removing the rabbit) You put the rabbit into the compartment. >* && Might as well have said "But the rabbit is already in the chinese wheel." That's not a verb I recognise. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a dragon. >x dragon It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real dragon. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >pet it You feel nothing unexpected. >turn wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a snake. >x snake It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real snake. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >ask bunny about snake Weldon says, "It's a simala...a fake animal. Part of the Chinese zodiac, though there is something else around here you can do with an animal." >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a horse. >ask bunny about horse Weldon says, "It's a simala...a fake animal. Part of the Chinese zodiac, though there is something else around here you can do with an animal." >spin compartment Nothing obvious happens. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a goat. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a monkey. >* && Aha! That's not a verb I recognise. >* && Is ther such a thing as a "mon". Like those creatures from pokemon? That's not a verb I recognise. >get monkey Taken. >join table You push the two halves of the table together and slide out the blades, which come loose easily. Once they're removed, the table remains joined, with its single full-length chamber. The chamber opens, empty. >put monkey in table You put the monkey into the full-length chamber. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the blades and try to slide them into their slot in the center of the table, but you meet too much resistance long before they're fully in place. Apparently the monkey isn't something you can saw in half. You put the blades back down and open the chamber again. >i You are carrying: a robe a record a wonton a sticky note a photo Also, of course, Weldon the Magic Rabbit is curled up in your hood. >ask weldon about monkey Weldon says, "It's a simala...a fake animal. Part of the Chinese zodiac, though there is something else around here you can do with an animal." >put monkey in wheel (first taking the monkey) You put the monkey into the compartment. >spin wheel (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel one segment. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a rooster. >spin wheel 11 times I only understood you as far as wanting to spin the Chinese wheel that. >spin wheel 11 (first closing the compartment) You turn the wheel eleven segments. >open compartment You open the compartment, revealing a monkey. >get monkey Taken. >put monkey in machine You put the monkey into the chimera machine. >ask weldon about chimera machine >* && No response from Weldon. That's not a verb I recognise. >ask weldon about machine >ask weldon about chimera >use machine You can use the chimera machine by putting things into it, pushing the button, and pulling or pushing the lever. >push lever The lever is stuck. >pull lever The lever is stuck. >x lever The lever is currently stuck at 1. >push button You close the machine and press the button. The machine shudders for a moment, and then the lid pops open, revealing a donkey. >* && I like it, but I don't understand the logic behind it. I thought I was going to need two living things to splice together. You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >x donkey It's an adorable little simulacrum of a real donkey. It moves convincingly, and even smiles up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >get donkey Taken. >put donkey in table You put the donkey into the full-length chamber. >* && Am I going to wind up with a key and Marlon Brando in the other chamber muttering something about an offer I can't resist? That's not a verb I recognise. >separate table Closing the chamber, you take the twin blades and slide them into the center of the table, meeting minimal resistance. Once they're in place, the table neatly separates into two halves. The chambers open, revealing a don and a key. >x don It's an adorable little simulacrum of Marlon Brando in The Godfather, wearing a tuxedo with a rose in the lapel. It moves convincingly, and even scowls up at you, but you can feel that it's definitely not alive. >* && !!!!! That's not a verb I recognise. >get don Taken. >kiss it You can only do that to something animate. >ask weldon about don Weldon says, "It's just a...thingie. Simawhatzit. Tell you the truth, they give me the creeps." >get key Taken. >unlock lock You unlock the door. Finally! >open door You open the door and walk through, relieved but not surprised to see that it didn't merely open onto the brick wall behind it. In fact, it leads into a hallway, where the semantagician is waiting. They reach towards you, arms out, and for a moment it looks like it will be the world's most awkward hug, but it turns out they're just gathering Weldon out of your hood. He nestles into their arms contentedly. "Well done," says the semantagician. "I'll get a full debrief from Weldon later, but for now, I'd call that a successful interview." *** You're hired. *** Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, QUIT, UNDO the last command, or read the self-indulgent AUTHOR'S NOTE? > author's note This is the second parser game I've written. I wrote "Escape the Elephant in the Room" for the 2021 Thinky Puzzle Game Jam, so when I saw that there was a 2022 jam, I thought "Magician, huh? You know...." You can pretty much tell how well that worked out: after a few days I realized this was going to be far too ambitious for the deadline. So here it is now. I'm a word puzzler at heart, and I wanted to see more word puzzles in IF. Naturally, Emily Short is so non-Euclidean that it's possible for me to be standing on her shoulders and standing in her shadow at the same time. This game is not directly inspired by Counterfeit Monkey, but I wasn't very far into writing it before realizing I needed to acknowledge her, both here and in a few in-game Easter eggs. The much more immediate inspiration is the "Escape from the Dungeon" series by Scott Marley, in which you can find argon and matches and you need a musical instrument and there's a wizard that can anagram things.... Those were amazing. Possibly most of my life has been chasing their brilliance, trying to write, or even play, something that clever. Anyway, "Escape the Elephant in the Room" was a kind of one-puzzle game without a lot to do; this one stretched my Inform abilities a lot further. I really hope you enjoyed it! Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, QUIT, UNDO the last command, or read the self-indulgent AUTHOR'S NOTE? > *&& I did enjoy it very much! Thanks for such an AMUSING game. Please give one of the answers above. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, QUIT, UNDO the last command, or read the self-indulgent AUTHOR'S NOTE? > quit