Surely you are not so foolish as to transcribe... Harlan Ellison Presents Like a Sky Full of Locusts A single tale from the 1969 Convocation at Castle Balderstone, by Rattlesnake Yates Release 1 / Serial number 691031 / Inform 7 v10.1.2 / D Inform 7 v10.1.2 Identification number: //DD2F651C-6049-474F-9636-6D63853FE3EB// Interpreter version 0.6.0 / VM 3.1.3 >n Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east I recognized as the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. But something was standing in between me and all that. It carried itself like a man, but its jaw hung open full of teeth like a hundred daggers, and it had the empty eyes of a corpse. >i I was carrying: a pistol (6 bullets) >shoot man I aimed my pistol at the dead-eyed thing and fired. It took one hundred twelve damage. But it didn't react much at all. Just sort of flinched. >e Before I could get too far, that thing leapt into the way. I got the feeling it didn't want me poking around Fort Hugh. >shoot man I fired my pistol at the dead-eyed thing. It took one hundred nineteen damage, and this time it noticed. It howled and screamed and collapsed into pieces in the road. Limbs and claws and teeth fell to the mud and sizzled away, until just its tongue was left, wriggling across the snow, trying to run off. I stomped on that a couple times, and then it melted away too. >e Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. Fortunately nobody had cleared out my personal footlocker. The way outside was west, and I believed that to the south of here I would find what we referred to as the billiard room. A huge worm was shambling up and down the rows of cots, wheezing through its toothless slit of a mouth. >search footlocker I put a hand on the locker and tried the latch?but the worm heard me. It stopped moving. It turned its head. So I backed off of the locker, and the worm went back to its business. >x worm It wasn't quite a worm?it had long, wormy arms and legs, slick and pink all over. No eyes. It seemed to be listening for something. >s I couldn't get to the other end of the barracks while that slimy pink thing was on its patrol. >x cots Some of the beds had been left unmade; some had been torn all to pieces by giant claws. >w Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >w Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. In his place was a demon, smirking at me with coal-black eyes. In its claws it held Charlie's trusty axe. >x demon It was tall and angular?it was hunched like a spider, and still its horns almost scraped against the ceiling. There was nothing human or earthly about it, but I still got the feeling it was itching for a chance to use that axe. >e Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >n Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >x gibbet I didn't exactly enjoy looking at it, but there wasn't anything objectionable about the scaffold at the moment. There was a noose hanging there, as there always was; that was Colonel Levin's little touch. >take noose I didn't need to carry that around. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. At the moment, though, there was a dead bear sort of pacing the ground outside the chapel. >e Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >e Road Here there was a stretch of muddy track running east and west. Between me and the east end of the track, there was a pile of greenish muck about the size of a hogshead. It had a mouth, and teeth. And it stank. >w Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >n Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. Then I saw it. There was a shadow there with me, watching me. It knew I'd seen it, and it stood up and chuckled at me. >x shadow I don't know how to put it. A shadow can't walk around, can't lean toward you, can't lick its toothy lips. There was nothing there to cast a shadow, but it was standing there regardless. >n I tried to move past it, but it caught up to me real fast. So I backed off. >s Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >e Road Here there was a stretch of muddy track running east and west. Between me and the east end of the track, there was a pile of greenish muck about the size of a hogshead. It had a mouth, and teeth. And it stank. >x muck It looked kind of like the bottom of a latrine had climbed out into the sunlight. It kept smacking its teeth, like it wasn't at all satisfied with what it saw. >w Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. At the moment, though, there was a dead bear sort of pacing the ground outside the chapel. >x bear From how bloated it was, I'd say it'd been dead a month or two, but that didn't stop it crawling back and forth along the path?perking up its ears when I made a move. >e Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >s Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >w Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. In his place was a demon, smirking at me with coal-black eyes. In its claws it held Charlie's trusty axe. >x axe Charlie loved that axe, but he also had the good sense to run off without it if need be. >talk to demon That might sound like a reasonable suggestion from where you're sitting, but at the time, no such idea crossed my mind. >x debris There was no telling what all that wreckage was the remains of. >e Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >e Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. The only thing that hadn't been cleared out was my old footlocker. The way outside was west, and I believed that to the south of here I would find what we referred to as the billiard room. A huge worm was shambling up and down the rows of cots, wheezing through its toothless slit of a mouth. >s I couldn't get to the other end of the barracks while that slimy pink thing was on its patrol. >w Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >s Gate There was snow on the ground, and puddles had frozen over in the muddy trail that led north into Fort Hugh. The place was uncommonly quiet. >s The only way to go was north. >n Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >x self I looked about like any other Army man, except for the hair. The boys always gave me a hard time about the coincidence of my name being Noah White and my hair going white at such a tender young age. I didn't tell them exactly how that happened to my hair, because it wasn't what you'd call a funny story; and I won't tell you right now, because this here episode is entirely unrelated. >n Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. At the moment, though, there was a dead bear sort of pacing the ground outside the chapel. >shoot bear I raised my pistol and fired at the rotting bear. It took one hundred twelve damage and just blew up. Gobs of black ichor sprayed all over, covering the snow like a sky full of locusts. I squeezed my eyes shut for just a second before I did anything else. >w West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. A monster like a giant bat was perched on the cannons. No, it wasn't a bat, exactly. I don't have the words. >x cannons Fort Hugh had more cannons than you could shake a sabre at. We never had much cause to fire them at anybody, but maybe that means they were doing their job. Problem was, they only worked as any kind of a deterrent when the enemy was on the outside. >x bat There was no fur or feathers on it?just pinkish skin, stretched out tight over its bones. It had talons, and it had sort of a beak, long and pointed, and it had beady black eyes. >n I made a dash?but the bat-thing headed me off, screeching like a steam engine. >e Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >n Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. I noticed a box of bullets sitting within reach. >take bullets I grabbed the box of bullets. >i I was carrying: a pistol (9 bullets) >n Behind the Chapel This was an obscure corner of the fort, not much use to anybody but the chaplain. The chapel was south and his office was west. Some sort of giant lobster had set itself up here, and it wasn't happy to see me. >x lobster I don't know if you'd call it more of a crab or a lobster. It had pinchers, that's for sure. And it was taller than I was, and I could see right up into that mess of claws it had for a mouth. It was gunning to gobble me up, soon as I got close enough to pinch. >shoot lobster I aimed my pistol at the thing with the pinchers and fired. It took one hundred seventeen damage, and that didn't seem to bother it at all. Its shell was awful tough. But there wasn't much else I could do about it. >i I was carrying: a pistol (8 bullets) >s Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. >listen I listened carefully. >smell I smelled nothing unexpected. >s Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >w West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. A monster like a giant bat was perched on the cannons. >shoot bat I fired my pistol at the bat-winged demon. It screeched and took one hundred fifteen damage, and then it leapt up off of the cannons and swooped at me. I fell back in the snow?lucky my head didn't hit a rock?and scrambled out of the way while the thing kept pecking and cawing at me. When I was far enough from the guns, it flapped back to its perch. >shoot bat I raised my pistol and fired at the bat-winged demon. It took one hundred eleven damage and it screamed like nothing you've ever heard. It jumped up again, and I thought it was going to swoop me. But instead it turned the other way. It went over the wall. Got out of sight before I could think to shoot at it again. I guess maybe it's still out there, somewhere. Well, at the time, I had plenty else to concern myself with. >x cannons Fort Hugh had more cannons than you could shake a sabre at. We never had much cause to fire them at anybody, but maybe that means they were doing their job. Problem was, they only worked as any kind of a deterrent when the enemy was on the outside. >n Flagpole Around the flagpole there was a sort of assembly area where Colonel Levin had us do our saluting and pledging and all that. The mud here wasn't as churned up as it was elsewhere, since in the course of a typical day we men of Fort Hugh had several more important things to be doing. A little path led south. Also, an arcane rune was inscribed in the snow around the flagpole, burning with a dim and warmthless flame. >x rune I'm not much for flipping through occult texts or peering into forbidden grimoires, but I'm led to understand that this symbol on the ground was the sort of thing you'd find in one of those books. Which I suppose explains how the fire could shed light without heat, and go on burning without consuming. >touch rune Reaching over and touching the glyph didn't occur to me at the time, and now that you mention it, it seems like it would have been a bad idea. >n The only way to go was south. >i I was carrying: a pistol (6 bullets) >put bullet in rune I'm not the type to leave a firearm unattended. >x flagpole The flag was still there, but as I turned my eyes up to behold its majesty I noticed it looked a little crispy around the edges?which was a state of affairs that Colonel Levin would never tolerate. >x flag The flag was still there, but as I turned my eyes up to behold its majesty I noticed it looked a little crispy around the edges?which was a state of affairs that Colonel Levin would never tolerate. >take rune It wasn't something I could pick up. >x snow The snow had been there for weeks. It had thawed a bit, and frozen again, and thawed and frozen a couple more times, until the ice on top was as hard as a knife. And anywhere there'd been traffic by boots, wheels, or hooves, now there were uneven furrows of frozen mud. >take snow I didn't need to carry that around. >put snow on rune (first taking the snowy ground) I didn't need to carry that around. >s West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. >w I could go north and east. >take cannonball (That's not here, or it's not implemented.) >x unknown (That's not here, or it's not implemented.) >x cannon Fort Hugh had more cannons than you could shake a sabre at. We never had much cause to fire them at anybody, but maybe that means they were doing their job. Problem was, they only worked as any kind of a deterrent when the enemy was on the outside. >n Flagpole Around the flagpole there was a sort of assembly area where Colonel Levin had us do our saluting and pledging and all that. The mud here wasn't as churned up as it was elsewhere, since in the course of a typical day we men of Fort Hugh had several more important things to be doing. A little path led south. Also, an arcane rune was inscribed in the snow around the flagpole, burning with a dim and warmthless flame. >dig rune I wasn't equipped for that. >put snow on rune (first taking the snowy ground) I didn't need to carry that around. >put gun on rune I'm not the type to leave a firearm unattended. >i I was carrying: a pistol (6 bullets) >take flag It did occur to me that the correct procedural thing would be to lower the flag, and maybe retire it, on account of it'd been burnt up by some manner of hellfire. But, first things first, you understand. >x mud The snow had been there for weeks. It had thawed a bit, and frozen again, and thawed and frozen a couple more times, until the ice on top was as hard as a knife. And anywhere there'd been traffic by boots, wheels, or hooves, now there were uneven furrows of frozen mud. >look in rune I found nothing of interest. >s West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. >e Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >n Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. >x benches When our chaplain had a sermon going, you just couldn't help but sit up and pay attention. There were no backs on the pews. >look under benches I found nothing of interest. >n Behind the Chapel This was an obscure corner of the fort, not much use to anybody but the chaplain. The chapel was south and his office was west. Some sort of giant lobster had set itself up here, and it wasn't happy to see me. >w I figured this lobster demon, or whatever it was, was better suited to crawling underwater than it would be on dry land, so maybe I could maneuver my way around it. Well, I was wrong. >e I could go south and west. >s Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. >s Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >e Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >e Road Here there was a stretch of muddy track running east and west. Between me and the east end of the track, there was a pile of greenish muck about the size of a hogshead. It had a mouth, and teeth. And it stank. >e I tried walking around the thing, whatever it was, but it scuttled right over the snow to chomp and growl after me, so I gave up on that. >w Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >n Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. The shadow was still there, waiting for me. >n I tried to move past it, but it caught up to me real fast. So I backed off. >e I tried to move past it, but it caught up to me real fast. So I backed off. >x shadow I don't know how to put it. A shadow can't walk around, can't lean toward you, can't lick its toothy lips. There was nothing there to cast a shadow, but it was standing there regardless. >s Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >s Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >e Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. The only thing that hadn't been cleared out was my old footlocker. The way outside was west, and I believed that to the south of here I would find what we referred to as the billiard room. A huge worm was shambling up and down the rows of cots, wheezing through its toothless slit of a mouth. >shoot worm I aimed my pistol at the shambling worm and fired. It took one hundred thirteen damage, and it slumped to the floor. It stopped wheezing. Then it let out a long rattling gasp as it shriveled away. >s Billiard Room It was an odd sort of spare room between the barracks to the north and the stockade to the east. The Army didn't tell us what to do with it, so we used it for doing whatever the Army didn't tell us to do. Somehow someone dragged a pool table in there, and we called it the "billiard room" from then on. >x pool table It was a pool table in tolerably good condition, considering how long it'd been a plaything for a bunch of Army boys. But something was painted on the baize: A character, or a diagram?some sort of glyph. >x glyph The symbol was daubed on the felt in black paint, I think. I couldn't tell you what it meant, but it made me awfully uneasy. >memorize glyph That's not a verb I recognize. >x diagram The symbol was daubed on the felt in black paint, I think. I couldn't tell you what it meant, but it made me awfully uneasy. >touch glyph Reaching over and touching the glyph didn't occur to me at the time, and now that you mention it, it seems like it would have been a bad idea. >look Billiard Room It was an odd sort of spare room between the barracks to the north and the stockade to the east. The Army didn't tell us what to do with it, so we used it for doing whatever the Army didn't tell us to do. Somehow someone dragged a pool table in there, and we called it the "billiard room" from then on. >e Stockade What I saw next made my blood run cold. There was a man in the cell?Jim Shaw. And standing outside the cell was? It walked on two hooves. But it had a man's hands. And it was shaking the bars of that cell?trying to get at Jim Shaw. >talk to jim shaw I couldn't do much of anything about Jim while that horse-shaped demon was between us. >shoot horse I raised my pistol and fired at the horse-lich. It took one hundred twelve damage, and it turned to face me. I thought surely it'd come after me and leave Jim alone. But it just stood there, staring at me. >talk to horse That might sound like a reasonable suggestion from where you're sitting, but at the time, no such idea crossed my mind. >shoot horse I fired my pistol at the horse-lich. It took one hundred nine damage. It leaned toward me, and it raised a skeletal hand. It was beckoning to me. Well, I stayed right where I was. >shoot horse I raised my pistol and fired at the horse-lich. The thing took one hundred sixteen damage and fell to its knees. It crumbled to ashes on the floor. It never made a sound. >talk to jim I ran up to the cell and tried the door. It was locked, of course, so I started yanking on the bars, trying to get it open?as if I hadn't just seen that hellspawned miscreation trying the same thing and failing. "You can let me take it from here," Jim Shaw said. He pulled a key from his pocket, reached through the bars, and unlocked the door from inside. Then he thanked me for getting him out of a tight spot. Turns out he'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and locked himself in the stockade only because running straight out of the fort wasn't an option. I told him it was more or less safe for him to run straight out of there now, if he didn't make any unnecessary detours. He smiled the way a troublemaker does, and he said: "Noah White, are you aiming to hang around here and fix this mess?" I said I was, and he said that figured. He reached in his pocket again and produced another key. "This'll get you into the armory," he said. "Don't ask how I got it." I didn't have time to ask, though, because he was off like a shot. >look Stockade Jim was long gone, and I got the impression there wasn't much else to do right here. The pile of ashes was still there. >x ashes I didn't like to look at it too close. >e The only way to go was west. >w Billiard Room It was an odd sort of spare room between the barracks to the north and the stockade to the east. The Army didn't tell us what to do with it, so we used it for doing whatever the Army didn't tell us to do. Somehow someone dragged a pool table in there, and we called it the "billiard room" from then on. >n Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. The only thing that hadn't been cleared out was my old footlocker. The way outside was west, and the billiard room was further south. >search footlocker I opened the footlocker, revealing a box of bullets and a pile of rifle cartridges. >take bullets I grabbed the box of bullets. >take cartridges I grabbed the pile of rifle cartridges and stuffed them in my back pocket?not in my regular inventory, you understand?just in case I happened to acquire a rifle. >i I was carrying: a heavy iron key a pistol (8 bullets) >x key I don't think Jim was supposed to have that key in the first place, but that's Jim Shaw for you. >w Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >n Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >e Road Here there was a stretch of muddy track running east and west. Between me and the east end of the track, there was a pile of greenish muck about the size of a hogshead. It had a mouth, and teeth. And it stank. >shoot muck I fired my pistol at the slimy maw. It took one hundred fifteen damage, and that was enough to make it give up on terrorizing the world of men. It sort of melted into the road until it was gone?but the smell didn't go away for a while. >e East Battery The path from the west led to this spot where half of the fort's cannons were set up. The armory building was just south of here. I noticed a box of bullets sitting within reach. >take bullets I grabbed the box of bullets. >i I was carrying: a heavy iron key a pistol (13 bullets) >x cannons It had seemed counterintuitive to certain of us Army men to prepare for an attack from the east, but Colonel Levin explained that sometimes the Unknown will try to sneak up on you from behind. >s (first opening the armory door) (first unlocking the armory door) (with the heavy iron key) Armory Well, as you might expect, there wasn't much left of Fort Hugh's military supplies. I suppose the boys had cleaned it up while they were running from the horde of demons. There was one munitions case left, but I didn't have high hopes for it. It won't surprise you either if I tell you there was a man-sized hornet standing on that munitions case, staring me down with nine glittering eyes. >shoot hornet I aimed my pistol at the hornet prince and fired. It took one hundred fifteen damage, and it kinda hopped up and started buzzing around me, cussing me out in words that I could only grasp the meaning of through context. >shoot hornet I raised my pistol and fired at the hornet prince. It took one hundred nine damage. That got it mad. It jumped over and took a swipe at me with a few of its swords?but I got out of the way, and it had to buzz on back to its crate. >shoot hornet I aimed my pistol at the hornet prince and fired. I dealt one hundred fourteen damage to it, and that got it to cussing like Catullus again, but it couldn't come over and swipe at me or sting me, because it started shaking all over?shaking and gurgling and shaking until it exploded, and a bunch of bug guts got all over the armory. Fortunately that all sizzled away after a minute. >look Armory The place was pretty much empty. There was one munitions case left. >x munitions In retrospect, I wonder if one of the boys had left that crate just for me, knowing that I'd be back from Dodge City eventually. I don't know which of the boys I'd expect to be that considerate, though. >open crate I opened the munitions case, revealing a rifle, a box of bullets, and some shotgun shells. >take all box of bullets: I grabbed the box of bullets. shotgun shells: I grabbed the shotgun shells and stuffed them in my back pocket?not in my regular inventory, you understand?just in case I happened to acquire a shotgun. rifle: I took the rifle. >i I was carrying: a rifle (7 cartridges) a heavy iron key a pistol (16 bullets) >n East Battery The path from the west led to this spot where half of the fort's cannons were set up. The armory building was just south of here. >w Road Here there was a stretch of muddy track running east and west. >w Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >n Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. The shadow was still there, waiting for me. >s Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >n Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. >n Behind the Chapel This was an obscure corner of the fort, not much use to anybody but the chaplain. The chapel was south and his office was west. Some sort of giant lobster had set itself up here, and it wasn't happy to see me. >shoot lobster with rifle I readied the rifle. I didn't take time to aim?I just pointed at the thing with the pinchers and fired. It took two hundred four damage, and I guess something must have got through, because it screamed a little and fell over dead. At least I hoped it was dead. >w Rectory "Thank Heaven you're back," said the chaplain. "This fort's missed you badly, my son." I begged him to tell me what happened, And whether it could be undone. The Colonel, he said, had got tired Of Fort Hugh's irreverence and sin, And finally he was inspired To punish the wretches within. "The Justice of Earth and of Heaven Move too slowly," is what he observed. The Law wouldn't let Colonel Levin Mete out what his charges deserved. So he prayed to an unholy master Who heeded no Justice, nor Law, And he called forth a fiendish disaster To open the Underworld's maw. With a Pentagram's mark he devoted To Darkness his fallen Fort Hugh: Then a pestilent hellmouth exploded, And the legions of Hades marched through. "How many young soldiers were slaughtered? How many got out? I can't say. Of rescue or aid I had not heard A whisper, 'til you came today." I told him I'd find each survivor And carry him out, if I must. And then, if I wasn't a skiver ["lazy person" - ed.], I'd turn every last demon to dust. He offered one more supplication: "To put right the Colonel's misdeeds, And undo the fell conjuration Whence all of this evil proceeds, "Take this," said the minister, pressing A pouch in my hand, "and anoint That Pentagram foul with a blessing By rubbing this salt on each point." Accepting the satchel, I uttered The solemnest promise I dared. The clergyman thanked me, and muttered, "I'd do it myself?but I'm scared." >i I was carrying: a satchel of blessed salt a rifle (6 cartridges) a heavy iron key a pistol (16 bullets) >look Rectory The chaplain kept his apartments fairly Spartan?which figured, what with combining the asceticism of an Army man with that of a man of the cloth. About all there was to see was the chaplain himself. >e Behind the Chapel This was an obscure corner of the fort, not much use to anybody but the chaplain. The chapel was south and his office was west. That demon's carapace was still here, all curled up like a pill bug. >s Chapel Colonel Levin insisted on constructing a chapel in Fort Hugh, but he couldn't get the money to make it an especially fancy one. A bunch of old mess hall benches served for pews, and there was no altar or pulpit to speak of. Still, it was a nice place. The front entrance was south, and the way out to the chaplain's office was on the north side. >s Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >w West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. >n Flagpole Around the flagpole there was a sort of assembly area where Colonel Levin had us do our saluting and pledging and all that. The mud here wasn't as churned up as it was elsewhere, since in the course of a typical day we men of Fort Hugh had several more important things to be doing. A little path led south. Also, an arcane rune was inscribed in the snow around the flagpole, burning with a dim and warmthless flame. >put salt on rune I sprinkled some of that salt over the ground, and right away the symbol exploded in a silent flash of light. All that was left behind was the pure, unblemished snow. And the flagpole, of course. >s West Battery A bunch of Fort Hugh's cannons were here, pointed west into the Unknown. The trail past the battery swung north and east. >e Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >e Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >s I could go north, east, and west. >e Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >s Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >e Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. The only thing that hadn't been cleared out was my old footlocker. The way outside was west, and the billiard room was further south. >s Billiard Room It was an odd sort of spare room between the barracks to the north and the stockade to the east. The Army didn't tell us what to do with it, so we used it for doing whatever the Army didn't tell us to do. Somehow someone dragged a pool table in there, and we called it the "billiard room" from then on. >put salt on glyph I dusted the symbol with that holy salt. There was a blast of white light. And then the pool table was restored! There wasn't a scratch on it, except for all the scratches that'd been there when I left. >n Barracks The cots were all empty. It looked like people had cleared out in a hurry. The only thing that hadn't been cleared out was my old footlocker. The way outside was west, and the billiard room was further south. >w Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >n Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >n Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. The shadow was still there, waiting for me. >shoot shadow I raised the rifle and fired at the wraith. I dealt it two hundred ten damage, and it gave up the ghost, so to speak. In an instant there was nothing left of it but a steaming hole in the snow. >x hole (That's not here, or it's not implemented.) >look Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. >n Office A few of the boys called this the Colonel's "throne room"?but maybe "interrogation chamber" is more like it. When there was trouble at the fort, Levin would call us in here one by one and have us stand in front of his desk to be questioned about it. At the moment, that spot in front of his desk had a creepy-looking symbol of some sort scribed in melted wax over the floorboards. The stables were over to the east, and the way out to the rest of the fort was south. On the Colonel's desk were a box of bullets and a letter. >put salt on symbol I sprinkled a goodly amount of salt over the wax, and I rubbed it around carefully, to get the whole Satanic inscription covered?then there was a flash of light, and all of it was gone. >take bullets I grabbed the box of bullets. >read letter The letter read like this: To Whom It May Concern; Whereas the soldiers under my COMMAND have proven themselves insensate to the dictums of CONSCIENCE & MORALITY??& whereas the punitive measures afforded to the rank of COLONEL by the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT have proven useless in influencing any measure of CORRECT BEHAVIOR by my sullen & feckless charges??I hereby take upon myself the most SUBLIME DUTY of persecuting the soldiers of Fort Hugh for their MULTIFARIOUS SINS???these being in foremost part DISHONESTY GAMBLING LACK OF RESPECT FOR THE FLAG SPICY FOOD & LASCIVIOUSNESS Therefore I will forthrightly undertake to visit on the accused the UTMOST PUNISHMENT, which my Earthly superiors will find to which they can make no appeal. Signed Col. ASHWORTH LEVIN. >*i see, so each of the five concepts corresponds to a location for the pentagram You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom. >look Office A few of the boys called this the Colonel's "throne room"?but maybe "interrogation chamber" is more like it. When there was trouble at the fort, Levin would call us in here one by one and have us stand in front of his desk to be questioned about it. The stables were over to the east, and the way out to the rest of the fort was south. On the Colonel's desk was a letter. >e Stable I noticed all the stalls were empty, and I worried a bit as to whether the horses had gotten to safety. There were all the signs and smells of a stable that hadn't been attended to in a while. The corral was outside to the east, and the way back to the Colonel's office was west. A little imp or something was scampering around, poking its beak in the stalls. When it saw me, it squawked like a stuck pig and called me a name I don't care to repeat. >e When I tried to get past the wretched thing, it started clambering after me and nipping at my heels until I got back to where I came from. >shoot imp I raised the rifle and fired at the goblin. But it just jumped out of the way. I've never seen anything before or since that could outrun a piece of hot lead, but this was no creature of Earth that I was dealing with. >e When I tried to get past the wretched thing, it started clambering after me and nipping at my heels until I got back to where I came from. >put salt on imp That would have required getting closer to the goblin than I felt was wise. >talk to imp That might sound like a reasonable suggestion from where you're sitting, but at the time, no such idea crossed my mind. >i I was carrying: a satchel of blessed salt a rifle (4 cartridges) a heavy iron key a pistol (22 bullets) >look Stable The stalls were empty. There were all the signs and smells of a stable that hadn't been attended to in a while. The corral was outside to the east, and the way back to the Colonel's office was west. A little imp or something was scampering around, poking its beak in the stalls. >w Office A few of the boys called this the Colonel's "throne room"?but maybe "interrogation chamber" is more like it. When there was trouble at the fort, Levin would call us in here one by one and have us stand in front of his desk to be questioned about it. The stables were over to the east, and the way out to the rest of the fort was south. On the Colonel's desk was a letter. >s Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. >s Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >s Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >w Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. In his place was a demon, smirking at me with coal-black eyes. In its claws it held Charlie's trusty axe. >shoot demon I raised the rifle and fired at the horned demon. It raised its axe, a little too late. It took two hundred six damage. It started shaking and moaning?and then it lit up like a pile of gunpowder. With a flash and a bang it was gone. Fortunately none of the surrounding wreckage caught fire, but I never did find Charlie's axe. >look Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. >w Blacksmith's Shop Finch's shop was more of a mess than I'd ever seen. It looked like it'd been burnt down, flipped over, and burnt down again. Scraps of leather and busted tools were flung everywhere?and I had a bad feeling that the bones scattered around the room had belonged to Finch. I noticed a box of bullets sitting within reach. >take bullets I grabbed the box of bullets. >e Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. >s Cooper's Shop The scene was as bad as the carpenter's, but here at least you could reasonably guess that most of the wreckage had originally been staves and hoops. Near the back was a feather tick that old Dan usually kept hidden behind some barrels. The carpenter's was back north. To the west was the tradesmen's communal storeroom. >x tick Old Dan the Cooper ran what you might call a side business in the back of his shop, which involved renting out the use of this feather mattress at an hourly rate. Someone had inscribed a nasty-looking symbol on the ticking in red paint or something similar. >put salt on tick I scattered some salt over the bed, covering the lipstick or paint or whatever it was. Right away there was a burst of white light, like a flash of lightning. When I looked down at the bed again, there was no symbol on it. >look Cooper's Shop The scene was as bad as the carpenter's, but here at least you could reasonably guess that most of the wreckage had originally been staves and hoops. Near the back was a feather tick that old Dan usually kept hidden behind some barrels. The carpenter's was back north. To the west was the tradesmen's communal storeroom. >w Storeroom This dusty little hole was a collective storage space for all the craftsmen of the fort, so it had already been an unholy mess before any demons showed up. Something shrieked like a banshee as I walked in?but to my great relief, it was a human woman, as alive as you or me. When she got done screaming I recognized her as Minette, and when she recognized me as Noah she lowered her shotgun. >talk to minette I made sure Minette was all right, of course, and then I asked her how long she'd been holed up in here. She said she thought it was about a week. I asked how come old Dan hadn't taken her with him when he got out, and she shook her head. "Dan didn't make it out," she told me. She was in a big hurry to get going, and indicated I should lead the way to the exit. I said I probably ought to stick around and see if anyone else needed rescuing. She rolled her eyes. "Noah White," she said, "you're gonna learn someday that being a hero just doesn't pay." I told her I'd learned that already a couple times. She tossed me her shotgun, figuring I needed it a lot more than she did, and then she got the heck out of there. >i I was carrying: a shotgun (6 shells) a satchel of blessed salt a rifle (3 cartridges) a heavy iron key a pistol (28 bullets) >e Cooper's Shop The scene was as bad as the carpenter's, but here at least you could reasonably guess that most of the wreckage had originally been staves and hoops. Near the back was a feather tick that old Dan usually kept hidden behind some barrels. The carpenter's was back north. To the west was the tradesmen's communal storeroom. >e I could go north and west. >n Carpenter's Shop The inside of the shop was a splintered ruin. Debris was so thick on the floor I could barely get around, but I knew the cooper's shop was south and the blacksmith was over to the west. Charlie's workbench had been smashed to pieces. Charlie himself was not in evidence. >e Road A harsh wind hissed through the middle of Fort Hugh, along the main drag running north and south. The building to the east was the barracks; to the west was the carpenter's shop. >n Gallows Colonel Levin had the gibbet set up right at the center of the fort, to remind us that justice and discipline should be foremost in our minds. He wouldn't authorize it being taken down, no matter how long it went unused. Seeing as this was the middle of the fort, there were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >n Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. >e Mess Hall The place was busted up but good. Benches and tables were smashed, burned, ripped in half, and tossed across the room. At the east end of the hall was the kitchen, and of course the way out was west. I estimated that the cause of all this wreckage was the eight-foot demon that was stomping back and forth across the hall. >x demon There were patches of scales here and there on its shiny skin, and underneath its muscles were throbbing fit to burst. The expression on its face bespoke the most unseemly sort of self-satisfaction. >shoot demon I didn't take time to aim?I just pointed at the muscular demon and fired. I dealt two hundred seventeen damage to it, and that was enough. It fell to the floor and melted away, groaning and cursing until it didn't have any lips to curse with. >e Kitchen Strange thing is, Bug's kitchen hadn't been worked over at all. You could almost believe he had just cleaned up before turning in for the night, except there was a nasty-looking symbol carved into his countertop. >put salt on symbol I poured some salt over the glyph, and rubbed it around, and suddenly it flashed so bright, I thought I was blinded for a second. Then I looked down and saw the countertop was good as new, like nothing had ever been carved into it. I guess that makes sense, sort of. Then I heard a great big bang, somewhere to the west. > I beg your pardon? >w Mess Hall The place was busted up but good. Benches and tables were smashed, burned, ripped in half, and tossed across the room. At the east end of the hall was the kitchen, and of course the way out was west. >w Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. >n Office A few of the boys called this the Colonel's "throne room"?but maybe "interrogation chamber" is more like it. When there was trouble at the fort, Levin would call us in here one by one and have us stand in front of his desk to be questioned about it. The stables were over to the east, and the way out to the rest of the fort was south. On the Colonel's desk was a letter. >e Stable The stalls were empty. There were all the signs and smells of a stable that hadn't been attended to in a while. The corral was outside to the east, and the way back to the Colonel's office was west. A little imp or something was scampering around, poking its beak in the stalls. >e When I tried to get past the wretched thing, it started clambering after me and nipping at my heels until I got back to where I came from. >shoot imp I raised the rifle and fired at the goblin. It tried to jump out of the way again, but this time the sucker had run out of luck. It took two hundred twelve damage and gave up the ghost with a little sucking noise. >e Corral I always thought this little corner of the fort was too small for the horses to really feel comfortable in, but I never had the nerve to suggest that anything be done about it. Now, I don't want to tell you what kind of scene I was expecting to find when I got out here. But mercifully I didn't get what I expected. The only creature in the corral was a palomino mare named Beryl, and she looked to be in better shape than I was. >x beryl She was a beautiful animal, and beloved throughout Fort Hugh for being the gentlest example of her species west of the Mississippi and north of the Rio Grande. She seemed kind of skittish at the moment, which was understandable. >soothe beryl That's not a verb I recognize. >touch beryl I went up to her and soothed her as best I could, telling her what a brave girl she'd been and how everything would be all right. There's folks who'll tell you a horse can't really understand what you're telling her?she just sees how you're feeling, or how you're pretending to feel, and if you're acting antsy she'll get antsy, and if you seem calm she'll get calm. Well, I've got a counterexample for those folks, because when I let slip in the course of my soothing that I'd cleared a path to the fort's entrance, Beryl took off like a snake bit her. She galloped straight through the stables and took that path I cleared until Fort Hugh was out of sight. I did catch up with her eventually, but I don't know if we'll have time to get into all that. >look Corral I always thought this little corner of the fort was too small for the horses to really feel comfortable in, but I never had the nerve to suggest that anything be done about it. (The way back to the stables was west.) >w Stable The stalls were empty. There were all the signs and smells of a stable that hadn't been attended to in a while. The corral was outside to the east, and the way back to the Colonel's office was west. >w Office A few of the boys called this the Colonel's "throne room"?but maybe "interrogation chamber" is more like it. When there was trouble at the fort, Levin would call us in here one by one and have us stand in front of his desk to be questioned about it. The stables were over to the east, and the way out to the rest of the fort was south. On the Colonel's desk was a letter. >s Vegetable Garden It was the dead of winter, and nothing was growing, but I knew I'd found the vegetable garden from the row of crooked, singed beanpoles. The road ran north to the Colonel's office and south to the rest of the fort, and on the east side of the garden was the mess hall. >s Gallows The gallows had been blown to pieces, like a keg of dynamite had gone off underneath. But it wasn't no dynamite. A great big hole had opened up in the ground underneath where the scaffold had been. The smoke rising out of that pit stank something awful. And I could hear wails and lamentation coming from down below. There were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >w Road The road went east and west past the chapel on the north side. I always thought of this as one of the more peaceful parts of Fort Hugh. >e Gallows The gallows had been blown to pieces, like a keg of dynamite had gone off underneath. But it wasn't no dynamite. A great big hole had opened up in the ground underneath where the scaffold had been. The smoke rising out of that pit stank something awful. And I could hear wails and lamentation coming from down below. There were trails running off to the north and the east and the south and the west. >x hellmouth It didn't look like the pit left by any conventional explosion. The sides were awful steep and regular. And it looked a lot like the cold earth had been cut into a sort of staircase along the sides. And it was deeper than any other pit you or I have ever seen. >down Pit A rough and narrow stairway ran around the sides of the pit, spiraling down through the frozen earth right into the rock?and on, and on, deeper than I could see. That rancid smoke was all around me now, and the weeping and moaning was getting louder. >down Pallid Field The stairs took a turn, and I got myself a bird's-eye view of a huge underground plain, where the grass was gray as a corpse, and no sunlight shone. There were people, or shadows of people, wandering through the field; and off in the distance I saw something like a ruined castle?but it was too dark to see anything clearly. Those stairs of mine kept leading me downward. >down Lake of Fire The stairs took another turn, and another vista unfolded below me: It was that lake of fire and sulfur you've read about, the source of all the vile fumes I'd been breathing since I climbed into that pit. Of course, the stairs kept going down even further than that. >down Bottom (Of course, I don't mean the bottom, but just the bottom of the particular hole I'd been delving my way into.) I dare say the bottom of that pit was almost as cold as North Dakota. The slime covering the walls had congealed into all sorts of obscene shapes, and the icy floor felt like it wanted to freeze my boots in place. But I knew I'd found the right place, because before me stood an enormous demon (whose name, I later learned, was called Furtur, a Great Earl of Hell) with a bat's wings and a stag's antler's, and trapped in his monstrous jaws was Colonel Ashworth Levin. >shoot colonel Colonel Ashworth Levin wasn't my enemy. >*i disagree! That's not a verb I recognize. >talk to furtur "I've come here for Colonel Levin," I told the demon, but he didn't pay me any mind. >talk to colonel There wasn't no use calling out to the Colonel from way down where I was. >shoot furtur I shot my rifle at the demon, just to let him know I'd arrived. He took two hundred thirteen damage, but he didn't even wince. I realized the rifle was out of ammo. >shoot furtur with shotgun I readied the shotgun. I started aiming my shotgun at where I figured Furtur's heart ought to be, but he took a swing at me with one of those huge hands of his, so I shot that instead. He took four hundred twenty-eight damage, pulled his hand back, and kinda shook it around, like a fire ant had bit him. >i I was carrying: a shotgun (5 shells) a satchel of blessed salt a rifle (empty) a heavy iron key a pistol (28 bullets) >shoot furtur I took aim at his chest again, and this time around I got a chance to fire. I took him for six hundred thirty damage?that shook him up a little. But he didn't let go of the Colonel. >shoot furtur So I shot him closer to the neck, where his vaguely human-looking chest met up with his vaguely stag-like head. That dealt him eight hundred thirty-six damage, and he reared back in agony, and looked like he was fixing to scream?but he didn't, because he wanted to hold on to that Colonel of his. >shoot furtur Well, here's how I finally managed To make that old devil give in: Nine hundred and ninety-nine damage In lead hit him square on the chin. Then the jaws of that demon burst open As he squawked out a furious bleat, And the Colonel, just like I was hopin', Fell down to the ice at my feet. His body was rigid, and colder Than sin, but some life was still there. So I slung the man over my shoulder, And made my way back up that stair. "Unhand me!" he feebly petitioned, "Toss me back in the Stygian slime! I came here of my own volition, To suffer the price of my crime." "We living," I said to the Colonel, "Don't get to decide our own case. Preceding your torment eternal, There's a worldly judge you must face." After that, I got no more objection For hauling him from the Abyss. Some moments of silent reflection Concluded our katabasis. Until? ?We had nearly skedaddled, I just about smelled the fresh air. But something I saw got me rattled? ?I almost fell back down the stair. The sight was a shadowy presence, A spirit condemned. But her face Was that of my dear sister Pleasance. God! How had she come to that place? My sister stepped silently toward me. Her eyes said what lips couldn't tell, And wordlessly, Pleasance implored me To carry her up out of Hell. To rescue her from her damnation I'd do anything, even die? ?But it isn't an Army man's station To flout a decree from on High. To leave her to tortures infernal Was my miserable duty to do. So I turned, and I carried the Colonel Back up to the gates of Fort Hugh. *** The End *** At last, Rattlesnake Yates closes his notebook. "And that's about all there is. How'd you like it?" Ira Levin has an answer locked and loaded (so to speak): "The moral universe depicted in your Noah White tales is simplistic in the extreme," he says, furrowing his sagacious eyebrows. Yates sucks through his teeth. "I keep getting told my stories are simplistic, just 'cause I happen to have a certain way of dressing and a certain way of talking. You wouldn't call that yarn simplistic if it'd been Robert Bloch who wrote it." "If I had written that story," Robert Bloch interjects, raising his voice against the fomenting hubbub, "none of it would have rhymed." (And Jack the Ripper would somehow have made an appearance, no doubt.) The moderator raises his hands. (This "moderator," I should add, is doubtless the most impotent creature ever to aspire to the term. I don't believe I've ever seen him quell anything successfully.) "Please," he stammers, "let's?" "I worked long and hard on those verses," says Rattlesnake, as he rolls up his sleeves, "and I take exception to them getting dismissed out of hand just for rhyming. If you've got some more specific criticism, we can discuss it outside." Bloch is already pulling off his jacket, revealing a pair of arms much better suited to jotting down notes about serial killers than to fisticuffs. Clearly this won't be a drawn-out brawl, but at least we'll get some entertainment out of the evening. "Gentlemen, please!" cries the moderator. "If you'd just?" He's cut off by a sudden shriek. A black wind rushes through the library?the fire is extinguished?and Castle Balderstone is plunged into darkness! *** THE END. ***