Start of a transcript of Slappy Squirrel Gets The Girl An Adventure in Cartoon World Release 1 / Serial number 260626 / Inform v6.45 PunyInform v6.7 > about Slappy Squirrel Gets The Girl An Adventure in Cartoon World Release 1 / Serial number 260626 / Inform v6.45 PunyInform v6.7 Many thanks to Allyson Gray, Jake Moore, Gianluca Girelli, Andrew Apted, and Garry Francis for input and playtesting. > i You are empty pawed. > x me You're a semi-manic cartoon squirrel. You're brown with a large bushy tail and an equally bushy tangle of blonde hair on your large head. You have large white central incisors and a pair of bright green eyes. > l Your Bedroom This is your bedroom, a round room built around a massive oak tree which rises through the center. Birdsong and sunlight stream through your window. Your bed is here, your night table next to it. A spiral staircase wraps around the tree leading downward. On the night table you can see a framed photo. > x photo It's a framed photo of your true love, Sissy Squirrel. In the picture she's blowing you a kiss. In a lower corner she's written "To My Bushy-Tailed Booboo. Forever, XOXO". > take photo Taken. > x tree It's the oak tree your home is built around. > x window It's your bedroom window. Sunlight streams through it. > open windo Sorry, I don't understand what "windo" means. > open window You can't open that. > close it You can't close that. > x bed It's your bed. > x night table It's your night table. > x it It's your night table. > look under it Sorry, I don't understand what "under" means. > search it There is nothing on the night table. > l Your Bedroom This is your bedroom, a round room built around a massive oak tree which rises through the center. Birdsong and sunlight stream through your window. Your bed is here, your night table next to it. A spiral staircase wraps around the tree leading downward. > x stairs It's a spiral staircase wrapped around the oak tree and leading downward through the floor. > d You climb downward, spiralling around the tree. Your Living Room This round room is your living room. Built around a large oak tree which occupies the center of the space, a spiral staircase leads up and down, wrapping around the tree. Your threadbare couch is here, a coffee table next to it. On the coffee table you can see a can of soda. > x couch It's your worn sofa. It's overstuffed and bright yellow with large acorns on it. > x table It's a plain low coffee table. On it is a can of soda. > x acorns Sorry, I don't understand what "acorns" means. > * oh like a design I think [Comment recorded] > x soda It's a can of 'Neutrino Cola', the beverage of choice for semi-manic cartoon squirrels due to its dangerously high sugar and caffeine content. It's currently full. > take it Taken. > drink it With a 'pop' and a 'hiss' you open the can. You slug back the delicious brown soda and let out a long satisfying belch. > * newline issue here? [Comment recorded] > x can It's a can of 'Neutrino Cola', the beverage of choice for semi-manic cartoon squirrels due to its dangerously high sugar and caffeine content. It's currently empty. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > score You have so far scored 0 out of a possible 200, in 21 turns. > * lotta points! [Comment recorded] > l Your Living Room This round room is your living room. Built around a large oak tree which occupies the center of the space, a spiral staircase leads up and down, wrapping around the tree. Your threadbare couch is here, a coffee table next to it. > * no notes about cruelty/mercy so let's play it safe [Comment recorded] > i You're carrying a can of soda and a framed photo. > x soda It's a can of 'Neutrino Cola', the beverage of choice for semi-manic cartoon squirrels due to its dangerously high sugar and caffeine content. It's currently full. > save Ok. > l Your Living Room This round room is your living room. Built around a large oak tree which occupies the center of the space, a spiral staircase leads up and down, wrapping around the tree. Your threadbare couch is here, a coffee table next to it. > d You climb downward, spiralling around the tree. Your Yard This is your small grassy yard. A large oak tree is here and a spiral staircase wraps around it, rising upward to your home above. Your street and your driveway lie to the south. You can see a newspaper here. > x tree It's the oak tree your home is built around. > x newspaper Taken. It's the morning edition of the local rag. > read it Your heart falls into your stomach as you read it. Splashed across the front page the headline blares "Local resident, Sissy Squirrel, kidnapped overnight!" The story below goes on: "The police believe she may have been targeted for her well-known fame for baking acorn pies. Investigators believe she was taken to Toonopolis proper but, otherwise, currently have no leads." > l Your Yard This is your small grassy yard. A large oak tree is here and a spiral staircase wraps around it, rising upward to your home above. Your street and your driveway lie to the south. > * duh duh duh! [Comment recorded] > x tree It's the oak tree your home is built around. > s Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > x car It's the battered blue Studebaker convertible that you inherited from your Uncle Sal three years ago after he tragically passed away burying an acorn in the median of an interstate. The top is down. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > search car The Studebaker is empty. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > enter car You climb into the Studebaker, slamming the door behind you. > drive car That is not a verb I recognize. > e First, you'd have to leave the Studebaker. > turn on car You suddenly recall that you lost the key weeks ago and haven't left the neighborhood since then. A bright red bus speeds past in a cloud of dust. > out You clamber out of the Studebaker, slamming the door behind you. > s You can't go that way. > l Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > e East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. > e There's nothing that way but blank paper. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > * lol That is not a verb I recognize. > x bench It's a rusted metal bench. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > search bench There is nothing on the metal bench. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > x sign It's a sign that once read "Bus Stop" but is now faded and blank. > sit on bench You climb onto the metal bench. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > z Time passes. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > * hrrm [Comment recorded] > z Time passes. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > out First, you'd have to leave the metal bench. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > w First, you'd have to leave the metal bench. > up First, you'd have to leave the metal bench. > get up You get off of the metal bench. > exit But you aren't in anything at the moment! > w Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > w Street The street here continues east and west. To the south lies the front yard of your skunk neighbor Pedro Del'Odorant. > x yard It's your neighbor Pedro's neatly manicured front yard. > * lol [Comment recorded] > s Pedro's Front Yard This is Pedro the Skunk's front yard. His well-manicured lawn is divided by a sidewalk leading north back to the street and south to his front door. Begonias and petunias line the walk. You can pass around his bungalow to the southeast or southwest. > xflowers That is not a verb I recognize. > x flowers They're blooming petunias and begonias lining the sidewalk. > take them That wouldn't be very nice. > smell them They smell much nicer than Pedro himself, anyway. > sw Pedro's Back Yard This is Pedro's back yard. His house lies to the north and you can pass around it to the northeast or northwest. Tall hedges block movement otherwise. An aluminum shed lies to the east, the sliding door is currently closed. > x hedges They're tall thick hedges lining the yard. > x shed It's an aluminum shed, the sliding door is closed. > open shed With a screech you slide the door open. > e Pedro's Shed It's stifling in this small metal shed packed with lawn-care equipment, fertilizer, and gardening tools. Everything is neatly organized on metal shelves. The only exit is out to the west. You see a paint brush here in the corner. > x equipment You don't need to bother with that. > x shelves You don't need to bother with that. > x tools You don't need to bother with that. > x brush It's a round paint brush. There's still some wet black paint on it from when Pedro last covered over his white skunk stripe when he went to the grocery store. > take it Taken. > n You can't go that way. > w Pedro's Back Yard This is Pedro's back yard. His house lies to the north and you can pass around it to the northeast or northwest. Tall hedges block movement otherwise. An aluminum shed lies to the east, the sliding door is currently open. > n There's no door on this side. > nw Pedro's Front Yard This is Pedro the Skunk's front yard. His well-manicured lawn is divided by a sidewalk leading north back to the street and south to his front door. Begonias and petunias line the walk. You can pass around his bungalow to the southeast or southwest. > s The door is closed and locked. > knock on door There's no answer. He's nocturnal, so there probably won't be. > n Street The street here continues east and west. To the south lies the front yard of your skunk neighbor Pedro Del'Odorant. > w West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. > w That part hasn't been drawn yet. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > n Slipstream's Yard This yard belongs to your neighbor, Slipstream the Sloth. You're standing in the center of a square patch of lush greenery as a massive mangrove tree towers over you. Slipstream's front door is embedded in the trunk. As you step into the yard, you see a tiny stream of ants making their way slowly down the tree trunk in your general direction. > x tree It's a massive mangrove tree with a neat front door embedded at ground level in the trunk. > x ants They're bright red Tasmanian devil ants. They're known for their aggressiveness and for the toxicity of their venom. The ants continue to stream closer. > * eek [Comment recorded] > u You can't go that way. > knock on door You rap on the door but there's no immediate answer. You hear movement within the massive tree. > z Time passes. Floorboards creak from inside the trunk. A tendril of ants has reached the ground and is slowly but inexorably headed for your feet. > kick ants That is not a verb I recognize. > hit ants You flail wildly at the ants. This only enrages them and, since they far outnumber you, you are quickly overwhelmed. You feel a million tiny stabs of pain but, fortunately, the pain is short-lived. Unfortunately, that's because the venom has killed you. *** You have died *** In that game you scored 0 out of a possible 200, in 88 turns. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO the last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT? undo Previous turn undone. > s As you turn to go, you hear hundreds of tiny high-pitched disappointed moans coming from the ants. West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. A bright red bus speeds past in a cloud of dust. > n Slipstream's Yard This yard belongs to your neighbor, Slipstream the Sloth. You're standing in the center of a square patch of lush greenery as a massive mangrove tree towers over you. Slipstream's front door is embedded in the trunk. You see a line of ants making its way slowly toward you. As you step into the yard, you see a tiny stream of ants making their way slowly down the tree trunk in your general direction. > knock on door You rap on the door but there's no immediate answer. You hear movement within the massive tree. > z Time passes. Floorboards creak from inside the trunk. The ants continue to stream closer. > z Time passes. You hear the latch on the door slowly opening. > z Time passes. The door slowly creaks open and you see Slipstream the Sloth standing in the entrance. He sees you and a slow smile spreads across his face. "Hello..." > n It's rude to just barge into someone's tree. "...neighbor." A tendril of ants has reached the ground and is slowly but inexorably headed for your feet. > n It's rude to just barge into someone's tree. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > ask sloth about sissy "...neighbor." A tendril of ants has reached the ground and is slowly but inexorably headed for your feet. > ask sloth about sissy "I noticed a lot of..." > ask sloth about sissy "...police around last night." > Come again? > ask sloth about sissy "I hope..." A line of ants slowly streams across the ground toward one of your paws. > talk to sissy You can only do that to something animate. > talk to sloth You can ASK someone ABOUT something. "...she's OK." > ask sloth about sissy "I noticed a lot of..." The ants have nearly reached you now. You can almost make out their tiny angry faces. > ask sloth about ants "...police around last night." > s As you turn to go, you hear hundreds of tiny high-pitched disappointed moans coming from the ants. West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. > n Slipstream's Yard This yard belongs to your neighbor, Slipstream the Sloth. You're standing in the center of a square patch of lush greenery as a massive mangrove tree towers over you. Slipstream's front door is embedded in the trunk. You see a line of ants making its way slowly toward you. As you step into the yard, you see a tiny stream of ants making their way slowly down the tree trunk in your general direction. > s As you turn to go, you hear hundreds of tiny high-pitched disappointed moans coming from the ants. West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > s Sissy's Yard This is your girlfriend Sissy's front yard. Her neat cozy cottage is here. The front door lies closed to the south, yellow police tape taped across it. The street lies back to the north. > x cottage It's Sissy's house. It's a small neat cottage, white with a red roof. > x tape It's bright yellow police tape. "Police - Do Not Enter" is written on it in large black letters. > take tape You don't need the tape, or any trouble with the Toonopolis Keystone Kops, for that matter. > x roof Sorry, I don't understand what "roof" means. > x door It's your girlfriend Sissy Squirrel's front door. It's closed and there's police tape across it. > open door It's securely locked. > unlock door I think you wanted to say "unlock front door with something". Please try again. > i You're carrying a paint brush, a newspaper, a can of soda and a framed photo. > se You can't go that way. > sw You can't go that way. > l Sissy's Yard This is your girlfriend Sissy's front yard. Her neat cozy cottage is here. The front door lies closed to the south, yellow police tape taped across it. The street lies back to the north. > s Her front door is locked. > n West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. A Toonopolis city bus speeds eastward in a cloud of exhaust. > w That part hasn't been drawn yet. > n Slipstream's Yard This yard belongs to your neighbor, Slipstream the Sloth. You're standing in the center of a square patch of lush greenery as a massive mangrove tree towers over you. Slipstream's front door is embedded in the trunk. You see a line of ants making its way slowly toward you. As you step into the yard, you see a tiny stream of ants making their way slowly down the tree trunk in your general direction. > i You're carrying a paint brush, a newspaper, a can of soda and a framed photo. > paint ground I think you wanted to say "paint something on something". Please try again. > s As you turn to go, you hear hundreds of tiny high-pitched disappointed moans coming from the ants. West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > e Street The street here continues east and west. To the south lies the front yard of your skunk neighbor Pedro Del'Odorant. > e Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > e East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. > w Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > n Your Yard This is your small grassy yard. A large oak tree is here and a spiral staircase wraps around it, rising upward to your home above. Your street and your driveway lie to the south. > u You climb upward, spiralling around the tree. Your Living Room This round room is your living room. Built around a large oak tree which occupies the center of the space, a spiral staircase leads up and down, wrapping around the tree. Your threadbare couch is here, a coffee table next to it. > u You climb upward, spiralling around the tree. Your Bedroom This is your bedroom, a round room built around a massive oak tree which rises through the center. Birdsong and sunlight stream through your window. Your bed is here, your night table next to it. A spiral staircase wraps around the tree leading downward. > u You can't go that way. > search bed There is nothing on the bed. > search table There is nothing on the night table. > x bed It's your bed. > x window It's your bedroom window. Sunlight streams through it. > u You can't go that way. > l Your Bedroom This is your bedroom, a round room built around a massive oak tree which rises through the center. Birdsong and sunlight stream through your window. Your bed is here, your night table next to it. A spiral staircase wraps around the tree leading downward. > d You climb downward, spiralling around the tree. Your Living Room This round room is your living room. Built around a large oak tree which occupies the center of the space, a spiral staircase leads up and down, wrapping around the tree. Your threadbare couch is here, a coffee table next to it. > s You can't go that way. > d You climb downward, spiralling around the tree. Your Yard This is your small grassy yard. A large oak tree is here and a spiral staircase wraps around it, rising upward to your home above. Your street and your driveway lie to the south. > s Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > e East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. > i You're carrying a paint brush, a newspaper, a can of soda and a framed photo. > * hmm [Comment recorded] > x sign It's a sign that once read "Bus Stop" but is now faded and blank. > paint sign I think you wanted to say "paint something on something". Please try again. > paint bus stop on sign You inartistically slather black paint on the sign. The paint brush is now dry. Suddenly, with a screech of rubber and a cloud of exhaust, a bright red city bus pulls up and stops next to the sign. With a "Ker-Claffle", the door clatters open. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > save Ok. > enter bus You step up onto the bus. On The Bus You are on a Toonopolis city bus, idling at a bus stop. Rows of seats face towards the front, all of them currently empty. The driver is perched in his seat in the front left, a sign posted above his head. Next to the driver stands the fare box, a metal contraption with a slot in the top. Three steps lead down to the passenger door which is currently open. > *...fare, you say [Comment recorded] > x driver He's a toon bulldog wearing a blue uniform and matching blue cap. His thick jowls hang over his collar and his eyes are nearly hidden within the folds of his face. > x sign It's a sign above the driver. It reads "Do Not Talk To or Distract Driver". > x box It's a metal box fixed on a stand next to the driver. There's a slot in the top. > x slot It's the slot in the fare box where one would insert their bus pass. Out of patience and with a schedule to keep to, the bus driver pulls a handle at his side. The entire bus suddenly lurches upward and shakes like a huge red dog, rolling you out the open door and back out onto the sidewalk. With an annoyed grunt, the driver pulls a second handle shutting the door in your face. The bus races off in an angry cloud of exhaust. East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > sit I think you wanted to say "sit on something". Please try again. > sit on bench You climb onto the metal bench. > z Time passes. Suddenly, with a screech of rubber and a cloud of exhaust, a bright red city bus pulls up and stops next to the sign in front of you. With a clatter, the passenger door retracts open. > in First, you'd have to leave the metal bench. > enter bus First, you'd have to leave the metal bench. > exit You get off of the metal bench. > enter bus You step up onto the bus. On The Bus You are on a Toonopolis city bus, idling at a bus stop. Rows of seats face towards the front, all of them currently empty. The driver is perched in his seat in the front left, a sign posted above his head. Next to the driver stands the fare box, a metal contraption with a slot in the top. Three steps lead down to the passenger door which is currently open. > sit I think you wanted to say "sit on something". Please try again. > d You can't go that way. > sit on seats You're far too excited to sit. > pay fare I think you wanted to say "pay fare box to someone". Please try again. > d You can't go that way. > out You step down off of the bus. From inside you hear an annoyed grunt from the driver. The door slams closed and the bus races off to the east in an angry cloud of gravel and dust. East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. > w Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. > w Street The street here continues east and west. To the south lies the front yard of your skunk neighbor Pedro Del'Odorant. A red Toonopolis city bus speeds down the street, disappearing to the east towards town. > n You can't go that way. > w West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. > n Slipstream's Yard This yard belongs to your neighbor, Slipstream the Sloth. You're standing in the center of a square patch of lush greenery as a massive mangrove tree towers over you. Slipstream's front door is embedded in the trunk. You see a line of ants making its way slowly toward you. As you step into the yard, you see a tiny stream of ants making their way slowly down the tree trunk in your general direction. > knock on door You rap on the door but there's no immediate answer. You hear movement within the massive tree. > z Time passes. Floorboards creak from inside the trunk. The ants continue to stream closer. > z Time passes. You hear the latch on the door slowly opening. > z Time passes. The door slowly creaks open and you see Slipstream the Sloth standing in the entrance. He sees you and a slow smile spreads across his face. "Hello..." > give soda to sloth "...neighbor." A tendril of ants has reached the ground and is slowly but inexorably headed for your feet. > give soda to sloth He smiles and takes the can from you. Slowly lifting it to his mouth he drinks the brown pop. When done, his eyes suddenly open wider and he jerks with a sudden uncontrollable tic. He smiles a bit crazily and seems to vibrate. > ask sloth about sissy "INOTICEDALOTOFPOLICEAROUNDLASTNIGHT!IHOPESHE'SOK!" > ask sloth about ants "YESTHEYAREQUITEPOISONOUSYOUSHOULDAVOIDTHEM!" A line of ants slowly streams across the ground toward one of your paws. > ask sloth about bus "THEBUSSESDON'TSEEMTOSTOPHEREANYMORE!IHAVEN'TUSEDMYBUSPASSINFOREVER!" > ask sloth about pass "SUREYOUCANBORROWMYBUSPASS!HANGON!" He disappears into his tree in a literal flash and is back before your retinas can register his absence. He slaps the bus pass into your hand. "THEREYOUGO!HAVEFUNINTOONOPOLIS!" The door slams in your face. The ants have nearly reached you now. You can almost make out their tiny angry faces. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > s As you turn to go, you hear hundreds of tiny high-pitched disappointed moans coming from the ants. West End This is the western end of your street. It returns to the east and seems to somehow fade away to the west. You can head into a yard to the north and Sissy Squirrel's yard lies to the south. > e Street The street here continues east and west. To the south lies the front yard of your skunk neighbor Pedro Del'Odorant. > e Street Outside Your House You find yourself on the street outside your home which lies to the north. It's a quiet residential avenue, tree-lined and shady as it extends east and west. The only traffic is typically the occasional bus heading east toward Toonopolis. Your car is parked here. A bright red bus speeds past in a cloud of dust. > save Ok. > sit on bench You can't see any such thing. > e East Street This is the eastern end of your street. It returns to the west and disappears east towards and over the horizon. There's a metal bench here. Next to it stands a sign on a metal pole. A bus is idling here, the passenger door expectantly open. > in You step up onto the bus. On The Bus You are on a Toonopolis city bus, idling at a bus stop. Rows of seats face towards the front, all of them currently empty. The driver is perched in his seat in the front left, a sign posted above his head. Next to the driver stands the fare box, a metal contraption with a slot in the top. Three steps lead down to the passenger door which is currently open. > show pass to driver The driver sighs and taps the fare box. > put pass in box With a "whir" the pass is taken into the fare box. There's a "ding" and it pops out again. You take back the pass and the driver, satisfied, pulls a handle shutting the door. He hits the gas and you fly backwards the length of the bus, screaming in surprise. With a meaty "thwack" you flatten onto the back wall. Regaining your dignity, you peel yourself off and regain your feet. The bus zooms east down the highway. > l On The Bus You are on a Toonopolis city bus, driving towards Toonopolis. Rows of seats face towards the front, all of them currently empty. The driver is perched in his seat in the front left, a sign posted above his head. Next to the driver stands the fare box, a metal contraption with a slot in the top. Three steps lead down to the passenger door which is currently closed. The bus zooms east down the highway. > x window They're the bus windows. Through them you see the landscape passing outside. Oddly, you see the same tree, bush, and mountain pass by in an endless repeating cycle. The bus races along to the east. > x highway Sorry, I don't understand what "highway" means. The bus zooms east down the highway. > z Time passes. The bus races along to the east. > z Time passes. Suddenly, the brakes screech and the bus comes to an abrupt halt. You're hurled forward where you splatter face-first into the windshield. "Toonopolis Central. Everybody off," the driver bellows as he pulls a handle and opens the door. > out You step down from the bus. With an impatient "Ker-thwack" the door closes behind you and the bus screeches away in a cloud of dust and exhaust. Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > save Ok. > x bench Do you mean the metal bench or the metal bench? > * oops That is not a verb I recognize. > x sign It's sign on a metal pole. It reads "Bus Stop" in large black letters. > x pole It's the metal pole holding up the sign. > take pole You don't need to mess with that. > l Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > w There's nothing that way but miles of poorly-drawn scenery. > s South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > x trace South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > e Empty Field This is a weedy field, empty of anything of interest except for a hole in the ground about a hand-width across that appears to be the entrance to an underground warren of some kind. The only exit lies back to the west. > x hole It's a hole in the ground leading down into darkness. > d You're far too big to fit in that little hole. > * hmm [Comment recorded] > w South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > l South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > sw Desert Path There's an abrupt transition here between a paved path leading northeast back towards the weather-less climes of Toonopolis and a sandy trace that begins here and heads west into cacti, orange rock formations, and searing sun-baked desert. > x cacti Large prickly cacti are scattered about. > w Cliff Edge You're standing at the precipice of a ludicrously deep desert canyon, so deep that you can't make out the bottom far below you. The canyon extends westward to the horizon, broken here and there by towering orange and red mesas and cliffs. A sandy path begins here and leads east. You can see a parasol here. > x parasol It's a small collapsible parasol, white with red polka dots and a pink handle. It's currently closed. > take it Taken. > open it You open the parasol. > jump With all the confidence of a semi-immortal fictional being, you leap off the canyon edge into thin air. Mid-Air You find yourself gently falling downward, the parasol slowing your descent. You sigh, confident that this gentle fall will continue all the way down without any complications at all. > * ruh ruh [Comment recorded] > z Time passes. Mid-Air You continue your descent, supported on the breeze by the parasol. The cliff face passes by you and you marvel at the pinks, reds, and oranges within the striations. > x face Sorry, I don't understand what "face" means. Mid-Air You gently drift groundward, borne on the gentle breeze and supported by the parasol. You have time for a satisfying dig in one of your ears. Suddenly, obeying the laws of cartoon comedy, the parasol abruptly collapses and inverts, no longer able to support your weight against the air. Hilariously screaming in terror, you immediately plunge like a furry rock to the canyon floor below. > open umbrella The parasol is irreversibly broken. Mid-Air Ominously, you can now make out details of the canyon floor below as it rushes upwards toward you. You continue your terrified scream as you plummet through a flock of geese. They honk angrily at you. > i You're carrying a broken parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper and a framed photo. Mid-Air Screaming in terror, you briefly run out of air. You inhale with a massive bellow, then carry on screaming. > grab geese That is not a verb I recognize. > take geese Sorry, I don't understand what "geese" means. > l Mid-Air Screaming in terror, you briefly run out of air. You inhale with a massive bellow, then carry on screaming. Mid-Air The end of your little trip is near and, judging by the speed at which the canyon floor is approaching, it's probably the last turn, um, instant before you faceplant into the ground below. You hit the canyon floor with a sickening "splat", oil paint splashing across the rocks and sand. It's quite difficult to kill a 'toon but you have evidently discovered one. Bravo. *** You have died *** In that game you scored 30 out of a possible 200, in 213 turns. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO the last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT? restore Failed restore. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO the last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT? undo Previous turn undone. > und That is not a verb I recognize. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > undo Previous turn undone. > l Cliff Edge You're standing at the precipice of a ludicrously deep desert canyon, so deep that you can't make out the bottom far below you. The canyon extends westward to the horizon, broken here and there by towering orange and red mesas and cliffs. A sandy path begins here and leads east. > e Desert Path There's an abrupt transition here between a paved path leading northeast back towards the weather-less climes of Toonopolis and a sandy trace that begins here and heads west into cacti, orange rock formations, and searing sun-baked desert. > ne South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > n Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > n North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > x building It's a squat red-brick windowless building. A thick metal door guards the entrance. > smell It smells faintly like Sissy Squirrel's famous acorn pie. > w (first trying to open the door) The door is locked. > knock on door There seems little point in bashing on the door. > x sign The sign over the door reads "Willy's Pawnshop". > * hrm [Comment recorded] > ne Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > x sandbox It's a sandbox full of sand. > x bench It's a green metal park bench. On it next to the pig is a fruitcake. It almost seems to groan under the combined weight of the fruitcake and pig. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > x fruitcake It's a slab of fruitcake dense enough that light seems to refract around it. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > take it Momma pig "oinks" angrily and slaps your paw away. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > x momma She's a large sow wearing a colorful muumuu. She's sitting on the park bench reading a book. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > x book It's a paperback edition of "Animal Farm". > ask momma about book Not looking up from her book, she pointedly ignores you. The little pig makes a hand gesture at you that's entirely age-inappropriate. > ask momma about piglet Not looking up from her book, she pointedly ignores you. > take book The paperback seems to belong to momma pig. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > x piglet He's a plump piglet sitting in the sandbox. He's wearing a beanie, a yellow shirt, and a petulant sneer. He's playing with a plastic shovel and pail. > x beanie It's a beanie with attached propeller. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > take it The beanie seems to belong to the piglet. The piglet blows a raspberry at you and sneers. > * seems helpful for the cliff [Comment recorded] > i You're carrying a parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper and a framed photo. The little pig makes a hand gesture at you that's entirely age-inappropriate. > give brush to piglet Ignoring the paint brush, he blows a raspberry at you, showering you with spittle. > l Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. > x pail It's a bright red plastic pail. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > x shovel It's a bright yellow plastic shovel. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > take shovel The shovel seems to belong to the piglet. > e You can't go that way. > exits That is not a verb I recognize. > l Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. > s You can't go that way. The piglet blows a raspberry at you and sneers. > se You can't go that way. > e You can't go that way. > ne You can't go that way. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > n You can't go that way. > nw You can't go that way. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > w You can't go that way. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > sw North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > s Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > e East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > x paper Do you mean the newspaper or the piece of paper? > piece It's a piece of paper with something sloppily scrawled on it. > read it "Do Not Pull!" > pull rope You pull the rope and a loud "twang" echoes from above, followed by an ominous "crack" from the crane. The safe suddenly plummets downward, slamming into the ground where you stand. The force shatters you into numerous identical miniature versions of yourself, all running in circles like tiny brainless chickens. The beavers, panicked, scream and scatter. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > w The mini-Slappys pile in after you. Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > s The mini-Slappys pile in after you. South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > e The mini-Slappys pile in after you. Empty Field This is a weedy field, empty of anything of interest except for a hole in the ground about a hand-width across that appears to be the entrance to an underground warren of some kind. The only exit lies back to the west. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > d You squeeze through the hole into a circle of sunlight surrounded by darkness. You notice that the mini-slappys do not follow you. Warren This is an underground warren, a small round chamber carved from the dirt. Roots poke through the ceiling from above and sunlight streams through the exit directly above you. A small dark opening leads east into darkness. You can hear a faint hissing coming from that direction. You can see a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid) here. > x roots You're currently too small to do that. > x vial It's a small glass vial (but nearly as large as you in your current state) full of greenish liquid. You hear an ominous hissing sound from the passage to the east. > take vial Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > u You clamber back out of the hole into bright sunlight. Empty Field This is a weedy field, empty of anything of interest except for a hole in the ground about a hand-width across that appears to be the entrance to an underground warren of some kind. The only exit lies back to the west. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > undo Previous turn undone. > e Boldly, you squeeze yourself through the dark passage. Emerging on the other side, you find yourself face-to-face with a large rattlesnake. He's black with bright red and orange diamonds arrayed down his length. He has bright green eyes and is grinning at you, his fangs glistening. "Ah, it would ssseem that sssupper has invited itsself insside." Faster than you can react, he strikes, his venomous fangs finding their target. Your end is quick and relatively painless as your lifeless body spends the next two weeks as a slowly shrinking bulge in the snake's long body. *** You have died *** In that game you scored 40 out of a possible 200, in 258 turns. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO the last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT? undo Previous turn undone. > u You clamber back out of the hole into bright sunlight. Empty Field This is a weedy field, empty of anything of interest except for a hole in the ground about a hand-width across that appears to be the entrance to an underground warren of some kind. The only exit lies back to the west. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > x vial It's a small glass vial (but nearly as large as you in your current state) full of greenish liquid. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > take slappys You're currently too small and adorable to hold more than one item. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > touch slappys Best not to join their scrum. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > i You're carrying a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid). The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x vial It's a small glass vial (but nearly as large as you in your current state) full of greenish liquid. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > drink it You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > open it You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > e You can't go that way. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > w The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > n The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > e The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". It would seem the beavers have regrouped and are trying again. A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. You can see a framed photo, a newspaper, a paint brush, a bus pass and a parasol here. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x safe It's a massive safe with a large rotary combination lock embedded in the door. It's currently suspended from a crane on the bank roof. A long rope hangs down from it. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > n As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. ACNE This is ACNE, supplier of all needful things within the 'toon world. The building is massive and, so you've been told, holds at least one of everything in the cartoon universe. Large items such as trebuchets, magic cauldrons, and grand pianos are typically delivered direct to the customer. This tiny lobby, however, is dedicated solely to the pick-up of smaller items and is self-serve, transactions being managed via a pneumatic tube hanging from the ceiling. The only exit lies to the south. A plastic canister lies on the floor under the tube. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > x tube It's a glass and metal tube protruding downward from the ceiling. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > x canister It's an opaque plastic canister, currently open. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > take it You're currently too small and adorable to hold more than one item. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > enter it You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > * hrmm [Comment recorded] > l ACNE This is ACNE, supplier of all needful things within the 'toon world. The building is massive and, so you've been told, holds at least one of everything in the cartoon universe. Large items such as trebuchets, magic cauldrons, and grand pianos are typically delivered direct to the customer. This tiny lobby, however, is dedicated solely to the pick-up of smaller items and is self-serve, transactions being managed via a pneumatic tube hanging from the ceiling. The only exit lies to the south. A plastic canister lies on the floor under the tube. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > x items You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x slappy You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > i You're carrying a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid). The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > take them You're currently too small and adorable to hold more than one item. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > drop all glass vial: Dropped. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > take slapps Sorry, I don't understand what "slapps" means. > take slappys I don't suppose the mini slappys would care for that. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > touch slappys Best not to join their scrum. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > * hmm how else do we reassemble? [Comment recorded] > s As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. You can see a framed photo, a newspaper, a paint brush, a bus pass and a parasol here. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > s It would seem the bank is closed. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > e The mini-Slappys pile in after you. Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. The sun shines down brightly. You can hear bees buzzing and birds chirping happily in the background. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x tracks The tracks divide the street here and continue north and south off into the distance. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x sign It's a metal sign planted in the ground here next to the tracks. Next to an arrow pointing east it reads "Wrong Side Of The Tracks - Hizzoner William Weasel, Mayor". The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > stand on tracks You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > z Time passes. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > z Time passes. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > z Time passes. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > z Time passes. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > s You can't follow the tracks. They're mostly allegorical. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > n You can't follow the tracks. They're mostly allegorical. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > e As you cross the tracks to the east, the smiling sun quickly rotates out of sight below the horizon, replaced by a frowning moon rotating in from the opposite direction. Nightime falls and the temperature drops. The air is suddenly tinged with foreboding. The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > * eek [Comment recorded] > s The mini-Slappys pile in after you. Dead End This is a very short dark alley that abruptly ends here at a dead end and returns to the north. It's lined with squat shabby buildings in various stages of collapse. One such building lies to the east where light pours from a doorway guarded by a swinging door. A large neon sign above it displays a dancing liquor bottle next to the name "The Punch & Pound". The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > x sign It's a neon sign above the door. There's a dancing liquor bottle next to bright buzzing letters spelling "The Punch & Pound". The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > e You're too small to push open the swinging door. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > n The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > n The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > x sign It's a large faded metal sign next to the entrance to the junk yard. It reads "The Worthy Weasel - Junk Yard and Scrap Metal". The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > w You notice that the mini-slappys do not follow you. Junkyard This square dirt lot is surrounded by a rusty wall of sheet metal. The exit lies to the east. High piles of compacted cars and other unidentifiable metal hulks loom over you and the ground is cluttered with all manner of discarded junk and detritus. A small wooden building, presumably the office, lies to the west. A wooden door, currently closed, guards the entrance. A very large guard dog is here standing between you and the office and growling ominously. > * bad sign! [Comment recorded] > x dog He's a very large guard dog. He's jet black with patches of tan across his muscular chest. He's watching you closely and growling deeply from somewhere deep inside and seems quite the savage beast. > give poison to dog You can't see any such thing. > i You are empty pawed. > e Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > w You notice that the mini-slappys do not follow you. Junkyard This square dirt lot is surrounded by a rusty wall of sheet metal. The exit lies to the east. High piles of compacted cars and other unidentifiable metal hulks loom over you and the ground is cluttered with all manner of discarded junk and detritus. A small wooden building, presumably the office, lies to the west. A wooden door, currently closed, guards the entrance. A very large guard dog is here standing between you and the office and growling ominously. > x junk Piles and stacks of junk that you don't need fill the junkyard. > search jnk Sorry, I don't understand what "jnk" means. > search junk You're currently too small to do that. > w The dog growls louder and you reconsider. The dog seems to have lost his patience. He begins to bark ferociously and charges you. You run, screaming, from the junkyard and, luckily, your pursuer stops at the entrance. He barks one last time and snorts, seemingly satisfied with himself for running you off. He turns back into the yard. Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > s The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > e You can't go that way. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > ne The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. Dark Turn The road here turns from east to southwest, running through muddy lots and abandoned buildings. Bright lights shine from the east. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > e The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. Carnival Entrance This is the entrance to Baloney Island, Toonopolis' amusement park. First drawn and inked during the roaring 20s, it's since fallen into disrepair. A garishly-colored and neon-lit archway leads east to the midway and to the attractions beyond. The smell of cotton candy and cooking oil waft on the air and, in the distance, you can hear faint calliope music and the indistinct call of the midway barkers. To the west the road disappears into darkness. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > x archway It's an archway towering over the entrance/exit to the park. It's lit in garish neon and the words "Baloney Park" are arrayed across the top. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > smell It smells like cotton candy and frying. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > e The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. The mini-Slappys are here piling on each other in an adorable scrum. > x barker He's an aardvark dressed in a white Nudie suit and a large white cowboy hat. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > stand on scale You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > talk to barker You're too small to get the attention of the aardvark. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > l Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" > s The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. Tunnel of Love This is the entrance and loading platform for the Tunnel of Love, a slow-moving boat ride through darkness and alleged romance. The ride channel, however, is empty of water and a large sign is posted here that reads "Closed for Salmonella". There's a single flat-bottomed boat here resting on the bottom. The midway lies back to the north. In the boat you can see a three-simoleon bill. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > x bill It's a three-simoleon bill. It's bright yellow with a portrait of a regal-appearing ostrich queen on one side. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > take it You can't reach the three-simoleon bill from outside the boat. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > enter boat You're currently too small to do that. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > x boat It's a small wooden flat-bottomed boat resting in the empty flume channel. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > n The mini-Slappys pile in after you. Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. The mini-Slappys are here taking turns pile-driving each other. > e The mini-Slappys chase after you in an adorable confused mob. Midway Middle This seems to be the approximate middle of the midway as it continues east and west. A gate to the north leads toward "The Nauseator", a centrifuge-like carnival ride that crazily spins its passengers against its outer wall. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > n The mini-Slappys tumble in behind you. The Nauseator A large round metal cylinder occupies the center of this square of dirt. A ramp leads up into the ride itself and a gate leads south back to the midway. The mini-Slappys are here slapping each other silly. > x cylinder It's a large blue squat metal cylinder, adorned with flashing lights. Arrayed along the outer wall are places for riders to strap themselves into. A metal ramp leads up into the ride. The mini-Slappys are here aimlessly running around and knocking into each other. > x ramp It's a ramp leading up into the ride. The mini-Slappys are here trying to play 'tag' but they can't figure out who's 'it'. > u You clamber up the ramp into the ride, the mini-Slappys pile in behind you. Suddenly, the ramp falls away and you hear the ominous "click" of a brake releasing and dull whine of a motor starting up. The cylinder begins to slowly turn but rapidly picks up speed. Before you can move, you're pushed backwards against the outer wall of the barrel. You feel yourself becoming quite dizzy, but not in a good way. > * eek [Comment recorded] > z Time passes. The cylinder spins faster, the centrifugal force pulling on you harder and harder. You hear the mini-Slappys whooping with delight as they're also thrown against and pinned to the outside wall of the barrel with you. > z Time passes. The spinning intensifies. You can't imagine it can go much faster. Suddenly, you notice two of the mini-Slappys compressed together by the force. With a "Bloop!" they combine into a slightly larger Slappy. > * oh nice! [Comment recorded] > z Time passes. You grit your teeth and concentrate on not passing out as the blood is squished from your brain by the centrifugal forces. You wonder who approved this ride. More and more mini-Slappys "Bloop" together, and some start to combine with you, causing you to grow larger. Screaming excitedly, the last mini-Slappy is squished together with you in a satisfying "Blorp"! You find yourself your regular-sized self again, albeit, highly nauseated. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > s You can't go that way. The spinning begins to slow and you hear the loud harsh scream of a brake. > out The Nauseator A large round metal cylinder occupies the center of this square of dirt. A ramp leads up into the ride itself and a gate leads south back to the midway. The barrel slowly comes to a stop with a metallic "clunk". The exit ramp rises into place. > out You can't go that way. > * should I have been able to go out when I did? [Comment recorded] > out You can't go that way. > s Midway Middle This seems to be the approximate middle of the midway as it continues east and west. A gate to the north leads toward "The Nauseator", a centrifuge-like carnival ride that crazily spins its passengers against its outer wall. > e Midway End This is the eastern end of the midway which returns to the west. The Disintegrator, the park's roller coaster and flagship attraction, looms above you. There's a sign nailed across the entrance to the east and a large fiberglass cartoon moose is standing here. He's holding a red button in his hand that reads "Press Me!" > x sign It's a sign nailed across the entrance. It simply reads "Closed". > push button A scratchy tinny recording starts to play from inside the moose. "Hnyuk! Sorry, folks. The Disintegrator is closed until after the inquest! Hnyuk!" > e It's closed, so no superfluous coaster rides here. This isn't "Sorceror". > * lol [Comment recorded] > x coaster It's a massive white wooden roller coaster looming high above and anchoring the eastern end of the park. > x moose You recognize Milo Moose, the park mascot. Although this seems to be a fiberglass facsimile. He's smiling stupidly and holding a red button in one hand. > take moose He looks pretty heavy and is rooted to the ground. > take button You don't need Milo's button. > w Midway Middle This seems to be the approximate middle of the midway as it continues east and west. A gate to the north leads toward "The Nauseator", a centrifuge-like carnival ride that crazily spins its passengers against its outer wall. > w Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > s Tunnel of Love This is the entrance and loading platform for the Tunnel of Love, a slow-moving boat ride through darkness and alleged romance. The ride channel, however, is empty of water and a large sign is posted here that reads "Closed for Salmonella". There's a single flat-bottomed boat here resting on the bottom. The midway lies back to the north. In the boat you can see a three-simoleon bill. > enter boat You climb into the boat. > take bill Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > out First, you'd have to leave the boat. > n First, you'd have to leave the boat. > exit You get out of the boat. > n Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" > i You're carrying a three-simoleon bill. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > save Ok. > * guessing I need something deceptively heavy or the beanie or something [Comment recorded] > w Carnival Entrance This is the entrance to Baloney Island, Toonopolis' amusement park. First drawn and inked during the roaring 20s, it's since fallen into disrepair. A garishly-colored and neon-lit archway leads east to the midway and to the attractions beyond. The smell of cotton candy and cooking oil waft on the air and, in the distance, you can hear faint calliope music and the indistinct call of the midway barkers. To the west the road disappears into darkness. > n You can't go that way. > s You can't go that way. > e Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > s Tunnel of Love This is the entrance and loading platform for the Tunnel of Love, a slow-moving boat ride through darkness and alleged romance. The ride channel, however, is empty of water and a large sign is posted here that reads "Closed for Salmonella". There's a single flat-bottomed boat here resting on the bottom. The midway lies back to the north. > n Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > ask barker about prize "You'll have to win to find that out, sonny." "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > w Carnival Entrance This is the entrance to Baloney Island, Toonopolis' amusement park. First drawn and inked during the roaring 20s, it's since fallen into disrepair. A garishly-colored and neon-lit archway leads east to the midway and to the attractions beyond. The smell of cotton candy and cooking oil waft on the air and, in the distance, you can hear faint calliope music and the indistinct call of the midway barkers. To the west the road disappears into darkness. > w Dark Turn The road here turns from east to southwest, running through muddy lots and abandoned buildings. Bright lights shine from the east. > n You can't go that way. > sw Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > s Dead End This is a very short dark alley that abruptly ends here at a dead end and returns to the north. It's lined with squat shabby buildings in various stages of collapse. One such building lies to the east where light pours from a doorway guarded by a swinging door. A large neon sign above it displays a dancing liquor bottle next to the name "The Punch & Pound". > e You push through the swinging door with a "thwick-thwack". The Punch & Pound You're standing in a cramped and poorly lit tavern. Tables and chairs are scattered about and a bar lined with stools occupies one wall. Thick blue cigar smoke fills the top half of the room, causing your eyes to sting and burn. The stools and chairs are occupied by a rough-looking collection of patrons, mainly cartoon bulldogs and weasels, all glaring at you suspiciously through narrowed eyes. The exit lies to the west through a swinging door back outside. A second door lies to the east, a large bouncer elephant is guarding it. > x tables You see standard bar furniture scattered about the room. > x bar The wooden bar is battered and stained. > xpatrons That is not a verb I recognize. > x patrons You see a rogues gallery, mainly a bunch of weasels and bulldogs, all of various shapes and sizes. Despite their heterogeneity, they all look like they'd very much like to kill you. > x bouncher Sorry, I don't understand what "bouncher" means. > x bouncer He's a large elephant blocking the door to the east. Out of character for the surroundings, he's wearing a t-shirt with a unicorn emblazoned on it. It doesn't come close to covering his considerable girth and his large vulnerable belly bulges out from below it. > x unicorn It's a colorful t-shirt with a happy unicorn emblazoned on it. It's far too small for the elephant and his belly spills out the bottom. > x belly The elephant's large belly spills out from below his shirt. > ask elephant about sissy He shakes his head and smiles. "Sorry, I can't help you there." > ask elephant about bar "It's an interesting clientele." He lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "I think some of these guys might have anger issues." > e Before you can get anywhere near the door, the elephant stops you. "Sorry, fellow. Nobody's allowed through there." > hit belly Violence isn't the answer to this one. > i You're carrying a three-simoleon bill. > l The Punch & Pound You're standing in a cramped and poorly lit tavern. Tables and chairs are scattered about and a bar lined with stools occupies one wall. Thick blue cigar smoke fills the top half of the room, causing your eyes to sting and burn. The stools and chairs are occupied by a rough-looking collection of patrons, mainly cartoon bulldogs and weasels, all glaring at you suspiciously through narrowed eyes. The exit lies to the west through a swinging door back outside. A second door lies to the east, a large bouncer elephant is guarding it. > w You push through the swinging door with a "thwick-thwack". Dead End This is a very short dark alley that abruptly ends here at a dead end and returns to the north. It's lined with squat shabby buildings in various stages of collapse. One such building lies to the east where light pours from a doorway guarded by a swinging door. A large neon sign above it displays a dancing liquor bottle next to the name "The Punch & Pound". > n Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > n Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". > w Junkyard This square dirt lot is surrounded by a rusty wall of sheet metal. The exit lies to the east. High piles of compacted cars and other unidentifiable metal hulks loom over you and the ground is cluttered with all manner of discarded junk and detritus. A small wooden building, presumably the office, lies to the west. A wooden door, currently closed, guards the entrance. A very large guard dog is here standing between you and the office and growling ominously. > e Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". > s Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > w Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. A pale moon, partially obscured by clouds, shines dimly down. You can hear owls hooting in the distance. > x moon It's the Moon, a silvery frowny face in the sky. Dark ominous clouds nearly obscure it. > w As you cross the tracks to the west, the smiling sun suddenly spins into view, replacing the moon. Birds begin to sing again. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. You can see a framed photo, a newspaper, a paint brush, a bus pass and a parasol here. > take all framed photo: Taken. newspaper: Taken. paint brush: Taken. bus pass: Taken. parasol: Taken. > s It would seem the bank is closed. > n As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". ACNE This is ACNE, supplier of all needful things within the 'toon world. The building is massive and, so you've been told, holds at least one of everything in the cartoon universe. Large items such as trebuchets, magic cauldrons, and grand pianos are typically delivered direct to the customer. This tiny lobby, however, is dedicated solely to the pick-up of smaller items and is self-serve, transactions being managed via a pneumatic tube hanging from the ceiling. The only exit lies to the south. A plastic canister lies on the floor under the tube. You can also see a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid) here. > take caniter Sorry, I don't understand what "caniter" means. > take canister Taken. > x items Sorry, I don't understand what "items" means. > x canister It's an opaque plastic canister, currently open. > take vial Taken. > i You're carrying a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid), a canister (which is open but empty), a parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper, a framed photo and a three-simoleon bill. > s As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > s It would seem the bank is closed. > x beavers They're brown fuzzy cartoon beavers with large buck teeth and flat paddle-like tails. Each one is wearing a neon yellow safety vest and a yellow hard-hat. They're scrambling about the crane and in the street below. > w Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > s South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > s You can't go that way. > sw Desert Path There's an abrupt transition here between a paved path leading northeast back towards the weather-less climes of Toonopolis and a sandy trace that begins here and heads west into cacti, orange rock formations, and searing sun-baked desert. > i You're carrying a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid), a canister (which is open but empty), a parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper, a framed photo and a three-simoleon bill. > ne South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > n Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > n North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > n You can't go that way. > smell It smells faintly like Sissy Squirrel's famous acorn pie. > x door It's a thick metal security door. > x building It's a squat red-brick windowless building. A thick metal door guards the entrance. > ne Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > i You're carrying a glass vial (which is closed and contains some liquid), a canister (which is open but empty), a parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper, a framed photo and a three-simoleon bill. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > put vial on fruitcake You can't put things on top of that. The little pig makes a hand gesture at you that's entirely age-inappropriate. > pour vial That is not a verb I recognize. > pour liquid That is not a verb I recognize. > put liquid on fruitcake (first taking the liquid) The glass vial isn't open. > open vial You open the glass vial. > put liquid on fruitcake (first taking the liquid) You can't put things on top of that. The little pig makes a hand gesture at you that's entirely age-inappropriate. > drink viak Sorry, I don't understand what "viak" means. > drink vial You knock back the green liquid. Suddenly, you feel your throat close off and shooting pain throughout your body. With a load "Gaack!" your tongue flies out and you clutch a clawed paw to your chest. The end comes quickly and you fall backwards, dead and rapidly achieving room temperature. *** You have died *** Oh, wait. Maybe not. Instead, you feel yourself rising upward as your toon spirit leaves your body. Looking down at yourself you see that you're now translucent and wearing a white gown. You also seem to have sprouted wings which are currently flapping, carrying you upward, as well as a halo, although that seems a bit undeserved. As you rise higher, you look down on your body below, your open eyes bulging grotesquely and your limbs contorted in their death agony. Airborne You're airborne, high above the ground and rising higher, passing through white puffy clouds. Your wings seem to know which way to go as they propel you upward. > * oh OK [Comment recorded] > x clouds Clouds, clouds, clouds... Everything up here seems to be made of white fluffy clouds. In a few moments, you see a broad glowing layer of clouds above you and, in another moment, you "pop" through to find yourself standing on an oddly supportive cumulus layer. At The Pearly Gates You're standing on fluffy clouds surrounded by ethereal blue sky. There's a massive wall of clouds here to the east. A pair of brilliant white gates, currently open, allow passage through. There's a sign posted next to the gates. > x wall Sorry, I don't understand what "wall" means. > x sign It shows a clock face and reads "Gone To Lunch - Back in 30 minutes". Below this, added in pencil, it reads: "No weasels". > x gates They're a pair of open gleaming white gates. > e Toon Heaven You're standing among the clouds of Toon Heaven. A massive white puffy wall lies to the west, large pearly gates embedded within it. A shiny golden staircase starts here and leads upward. > x staircase It's a brilliant golden staircase curving up and down. > u You climb up the golden staircase, feeling like a big shot. Toon Heaven You're standing on a cloud in a brilliant white and blue sky. There's a gleaming white marble statue here. A golden staircase leads back down. > x statue It's a white marble statue of a cartoon cow depicting the muse Erato. She's holding a golden lyre. > x lyre It's a golden lyre, a small and roughly horsehoe-shaped handheld harp. > take it Taken. Suddenly, a booming voice echoes from above, reverberating off the clouds. "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!" Your wings disappear in a "poof" and the clouds beneath you suddenly part, sending you tumbling downward. As you plummet earthward, you see your lifeless body beneath you and, very shortly, you slam into it, bouncing once or twice as you reinhabit it. With a jolt you leap to your feet, inhaling deeply. You notice that you're still clasping onto the lyre. Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. You can see a three-simoleon bill, a framed photo, a newspaper, a paint brush, a bus pass, a parasol, a canister (which is open but empty) and a glass vial (which is open but empty) here. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > * lol [Comment recorded] > play lyre You strum inexpertly at the lyre. Despite your lack of musical ability, however, surprisingly beautiful music streams from it. The piglet puts a finger in a nostril, digs something out, and waves it at you. > take all three-simoleon bill: Taken. framed photo: Taken. newspaper: Taken. paint brush: Taken. bus pass: Taken. parasol: Taken. canister: Taken. glass vial: Taken. fruitcake: Momma pig "oinks" angrily and slaps your paw away. > s You can't go that way. > w You can't go that way. The piglet points at your hair, sneers, and laughs. > s You can't go that way. > sw North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > s Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > e East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > e Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. The sun shines down brightly. You can hear bees buzzing and birds chirping happily in the background. > n You can't follow the tracks. They're mostly allegorical. > e As you cross the tracks to the east, the smiling sun quickly rotates out of sight below the horizon, replaced by a frowning moon rotating in from the opposite direction. Nightime falls and the temperature drops. The air is suddenly tinged with foreboding. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > n Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". > w Junkyard This square dirt lot is surrounded by a rusty wall of sheet metal. The exit lies to the east. High piles of compacted cars and other unidentifiable metal hulks loom over you and the ground is cluttered with all manner of discarded junk and detritus. A small wooden building, presumably the office, lies to the west. A wooden door, currently closed, guards the entrance. A very large guard dog is here standing between you and the office and growling ominously. > play lyre You strum inexpertly at the lyre. Despite your lack of musical ability, however, surprisingly beautiful music streams from it. The rottweiler hears the tones and, curious, sniffs the air. He seems quite taken with the music and, unable to resist the lyre's bland soothing tones, he turns around three times and lies down. In a moment, his eyes are closed and he's snoring. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > * music hath charms to soothe the savage breast [Comment recorded] > x dog He's an intimidating guard dog, currently snoring contentedly. > pet dog That is not a verb I recognize. > * glad we didn't have to poison him! [Comment recorded] > w (first trying to open the door) You open the door. Office This is, presumably, the junk yard office. Although there's little in here except a desk and the smell of weasel fur. The only way out lies through the door to the east. > smell You smell nothing unexpected. > x desk It's a creaky wooden desk with a single drawer. > search desk There is nothing on the desk. > open desk You can't open that. > open drawer You open the drawer, revealing a brass key. > xkey That is not a verb I recognize. > x key It's a large dull brass key. > takeit That is not a verb I recognize. > take it Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > e Junkyard This square dirt lot is surrounded by a rusty wall of sheet metal. The exit lies to the east. High piles of compacted cars and other unidentifiable metal hulks loom over you and the ground is cluttered with all manner of discarded junk and detritus. A small wooden building, presumably the office, lies to the west. A wooden door, currently open, guards the entrance. A large guard dog is here, snoring peacefully. > s You can't go that way. > es That is not a verb I recognize. > ee That is not a verb I recognize. > e Junkyard Entrance This is the northern end of an alley that continues south. A high wall of rusty and dented sheet-metal topped with barbed wire encloses a dirt lot to the west. A nearly faded sign next to the entrance reads: "The Worthy Weasel - Junkyard and Scrap Metal". > s Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > w Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. A pale moon, partially obscured by clouds, shines dimly down. You can hear owls hooting in the distance. > w As you cross the tracks to the west, the smiling sun suddenly spins into view, replacing the moon. Birds begin to sing again. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > w Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > n North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > unlock door I think you wanted to say "unlock door with something". Please try again. > unlock door with key You unlock the door. > w (first trying to open the door) You open the door. Pawnshop Dusty shelves packed with doodads and knickknacks line the walls of this small poorly-lit room. A single lightbulb hangs from the ceiling and casts a sickly yellow light over everything. There's a stained wooden counter here and the only exit lies east through a thick metal door. There's a metal grate embedded in the floor. You can smell acorn pie through the grate. > save Ok. > x shelves The shelves are covered in doodads, whatzits, doohickeys, knickknacks, and outright junk. > x junk The shelves are covered in assorted junk and the detritus of others' financial failure. > search junk You don't need to mess with that. > x bulb It's a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. > l Pawnshop Dusty shelves packed with doodads and knickknacks line the walls of this small poorly-lit room. A single lightbulb hangs from the ceiling and casts a sickly yellow light over everything. There's a stained wooden counter here and the only exit lies east through a thick metal door. There's a metal grate embedded in the floor. You can smell acorn pie through the grate. > x counter It's a battered and stained wooden counter standing against the back wall of the pawnshop. > smell You can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from the grate. > x grate It's a metal grate embedded in the floor, currently closed. > open grate It can't be opened by hand. > * oi [Comment recorded] > i You're carrying a brass key, a glass vial (which is open but empty), a canister (which is open but empty), a parasol, a bus pass, a paint brush, a newspaper, a framed photo, a three-simoleon bill and a golden lyre. > * hmm [Comment recorded] > e North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > s Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > s South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > * feels like I need the fruitcake for the weight-guessing, the beanie for the [Comment recorded] > * no real leads on the grate or the elephant.. [Comment recorded] > * think I'll check hints [Comment recorded] > * Ah OK, I see re the parasol [Comment recorded] > w You can't go that way. > s You can't go that way. > out You can't go that way. > e Empty Field This is a weedy field, empty of anything of interest except for a hole in the ground about a hand-width across that appears to be the entrance to an underground warren of some kind. The only exit lies back to the west. > s You can't go that way. > w South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > sw Desert Path There's an abrupt transition here between a paved path leading northeast back towards the weather-less climes of Toonopolis and a sandy trace that begins here and heads west into cacti, orange rock formations, and searing sun-baked desert. > w Cliff Edge You're standing at the precipice of a ludicrously deep desert canyon, so deep that you can't make out the bottom far below you. The canyon extends westward to the horizon, broken here and there by towering orange and red mesas and cliffs. A sandy path begins here and leads east. > jump With all the confidence of a semi-immortal fictional being, you leap off the canyon edge into thin air. Mid-Air You find yourself plummetting downwards, the wind flapping your cheeks and eyelids as you scream in terror. > z Time passes. Mid-Air You find yourself plummetting downwards, the wind blowing your tears backwards behind you as, panicked, you scramble for purchase against thin air. > z Time passes. Mid-Air Here you are, plunging groundward. Shrieking, you barely miss a passing jumbo jet airliner. The pilots wave their fists at you angrily as they fly by. > open parasol You open the parasol. It catches the air and slows your fall to a gentle descent. Mid-Air Holding onto the parasol, you drift gently downward. Unbothered by any thoughts of catastrophe, you pass the time by trying to remember the names of all the children of your friend Randy Rabbit. > z Time passes. Mid-Air The pleasant breeze ruffles your fur as you serenely continue your descent. For a moment you wonder why you haven't jumped off of cliffs more often. > z Time passes. Mid-Air You sigh happily as you float lower, the ground below gently rising to meet you. Suddenly, obeying the laws of cartoon comedy, the parasol abruptly collapses and inverts, no longer able to support your weight against the air. Immediately, you plunge like a furry rock to the canyon floor below. Finally, you hit rock bottom, landing head-first with a dust-raising "thud". Concussed, you sit up, swaying back and forth. Everything seems to spin around you in a blur and you hear the sound of cuckoo clocks. A quartet of adorable chirping bluebirds are flying around your battered noggin. One of them is carrying a white feather. Canyon Bottom This is the canyon bottom. The canyon wall looms over you to the east and a rocky path starts here and winds upward along the cliff face. Cliffs and rock formations are scattered about and the only exit otherwise lies to the west down a path that winds through a large cactus patch. > take feather You pluck the feather from the bluebird. He chirps at you angrily and the foursome flutter away indignantly. You shake your head and your vision clears. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > * ah, to tickle! [Comment recorded] > l Canyon Bottom This is the canyon bottom. The canyon wall looms over you to the east and a rocky path starts here and winds upward along the cliff face. Cliffs and rock formations are scattered about and the only exit otherwise lies to the west down a path that winds through a large cactus patch. > x cactus Large prickly cacti are scattered about. > w Cactus Patch Large cactuses are scattered about the desert here. A path leads east and seems to disappear west toward the sun-baked horizon. A small dilapidated wooden shack lies to the south. Seemingly abandoned, the front door is swung open and hangs loosely from broken hinges. There's a rusted mailbox here mounted on a pole. > w You head west but soon realize that you keep passing the same boulder, cactus, and mesa over and over again. You give up. > x shack It's a tiny hovel, barely standing. The entrance lies to the south. > x mailbox It's a rusted mailbox, currently closed. > open it You open the mailbox, revealing nothing. > look in mailbox The mailbox is empty. > take it It's firmly planted in the ground. > l Cactus Patch Large cactuses are scattered about the desert here. A path leads east and seems to disappear west toward the sun-baked horizon. A small dilapidated wooden shack lies to the south. Seemingly abandoned, the front door is swung open and hangs loosely from broken hinges. There's a rusted mailbox here mounted on a pole. > shake it Shaking the mailbox seems unproductive. > * could just be a Zork reference I guess [Comment recorded] > s Shack This is a dusty abandoned shack, empty except for a wooden table in the center of the room. Sand covers the floor, blown inside over time by the desert wind. The only exit lies through the door to the north. On the table you can see a letter. > x table It's a plain wooden table. On it is a letter. > x letter It's a bulk-mail letter from the law firm of "Sly, Slick, & Furtive, Esqs". > take it Taken. > read it "Our records indicate that you have previously purchased goods and products from the ACNE Company (heretofore known as "company"). Many products sold by company have been found to be faulty, including explosives that do not reliably explode when intended and paint that, when used to paint a false tunnel on a wall, unexpectedly creates an actual tunnel instead. As a purchaser of products from company, you are eligible for remuneration. To participate in this class-action lawsuit, simply mail this letter back to us immediately. Sincerely, Sean Shifty, Esq." > * extra line break after X LETTER [Comment recorded] > out Cactus Patch Large cactuses are scattered about the desert here. A path leads east and seems to disappear west toward the sun-baked horizon. A small dilapidated wooden shack lies to the south. Seemingly abandoned, the front door is swung open and hangs loosely from broken hinges. There's a rusted mailbox here mounted on a pole. > put letter in mailbox You put the letter into the mailbox. > close mailbox You close the small mailbox. Suddenly, a small boxy mail truck races up and screeches to a stop next to the mailbox. A cartoon hippo dressed in a blue uniform completely fills the truck which groans and noticeably tilts as she leans out and reaches into the mailbox. She grabs the contents, puts something inside, and closes the mailbox. With the squeal of rubber, she races off and disappears to the west. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > z Time passes. > open mailbox You open the mailbox, revealing a coupon. > x coupon It's a coupon good for one ACNE 'Nev-R-Fail' hand tool. > take it Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > e Canyon Bottom This is the canyon bottom. The canyon wall looms over you to the east and a rocky path starts here and winds upward along the cliff face. Cliffs and rock formations are scattered about and the only exit otherwise lies to the west down a path that winds through a large cactus patch. > u You pull yourself slowly and painfully up the path, zigzagging up the impossibly tall cliff face. Finally, after what feels like hours, you drag your exhausted carcass up onto the cliff top. Cliff Edge You're standing at the precipice of a ludicrously deep desert canyon, so deep that you can't make out the bottom far below you. The canyon extends westward to the horizon, broken here and there by towering orange and red mesas and cliffs. A sandy path begins here and leads east and a rough rocky path that you hadn't noticed before starts here at the edge of the massive gorge. A faded and cracked wooden arrow you also hadn't noticed before is planted next to it. It helpfully and obviously points downward. > x arrow It's a cracked and sun-bleached arrow pointing to a narrow rocky path that leads down into the canyon. > take arrow That seems unrealistic. > d It takes a while but you finally descend, half walking, half falling down the path, arriving at the canyon bottom. Canyon Bottom This is the canyon bottom. The canyon wall looms over you to the east and a rocky path starts here and winds upward along the cliff face. Cliffs and rock formations are scattered about and the only exit otherwise lies to the west down a path that winds through a large cactus patch. > u You pull yourself slowly and painfully up the path, zigzagging up the impossibly tall cliff face. Finally, after what feels like hours, you drag your exhausted carcass up onto the cliff top. Cliff Edge You're standing at the precipice of a ludicrously deep desert canyon, so deep that you can't make out the bottom far below you. The canyon extends westward to the horizon, broken here and there by towering orange and red mesas and cliffs. A sandy path begins here and leads east and a rough rocky path that you hadn't noticed before starts here at the edge of the massive gorge. A faded and cracked wooden arrow you also hadn't noticed before is planted next to it. It helpfully and obviously points downward. > e Desert Path There's an abrupt transition here between a paved path leading northeast back towards the weather-less climes of Toonopolis and a sandy trace that begins here and heads west into cacti, orange rock formations, and searing sun-baked desert. > n You can't go that way. > ne South Path You're standing on a path that turns to the north and southwest. In addition, a faint dirt trace branches off to the east. > n Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > e East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > n As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". ACNE This is ACNE, supplier of all needful things within the 'toon world. The building is massive and, so you've been told, holds at least one of everything in the cartoon universe. Large items such as trebuchets, magic cauldrons, and grand pianos are typically delivered direct to the customer. This tiny lobby, however, is dedicated solely to the pick-up of smaller items and is self-serve, transactions being managed via a pneumatic tube hanging from the ceiling. The only exit lies to the south. > put coupon in canister You put the coupon into the canister. > close canister You close the canister. > put canister in tool You can't see any such thing. > put canister in tube You put the canister in the tube. Immediately, you hear a "Whoosh" and the canister is abruptly sucked up into the ceiling with a loud "Thworp!" Almost as immediately, there's a second "Whoosh" and the canister drops back into place through the ceiling, landing with a clatter. > open canister Taken. You open the canister, revealing a jimmy bar. > x bar It's a jimmy bar, a short metal crowbar. > * nice [Comment recorded] > take it Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > s As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > save Ok. > e Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. The sun shines down brightly. You can hear bees buzzing and birds chirping happily in the background. > s You can't follow the tracks. They're mostly allegorical. > e As you cross the tracks to the east, the smiling sun quickly rotates out of sight below the horizon, replaced by a frowning moon rotating in from the opposite direction. Nightime falls and the temperature drops. The air is suddenly tinged with foreboding. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > s Dead End This is a very short dark alley that abruptly ends here at a dead end and returns to the north. It's lined with squat shabby buildings in various stages of collapse. One such building lies to the east where light pours from a doorway guarded by a swinging door. A large neon sign above it displays a dancing liquor bottle next to the name "The Punch & Pound". > e You push through the swinging door with a "thwick-thwack". The Punch & Pound You're standing in a cramped and poorly lit tavern. Tables and chairs are scattered about and a bar lined with stools occupies one wall. Thick blue cigar smoke fills the top half of the room, causing your eyes to sting and burn. The stools and chairs are occupied by a rough-looking collection of patrons, mainly cartoon bulldogs and weasels, all glaring at you suspiciously through narrowed eyes. The exit lies to the west through a swinging door back outside. A second door lies to the east, a large bouncer elephant is guarding it. > tickle belly You should specify something to tickle with. > tickle belly with feather You tickle the elephant's massive belly. He chuckles and giggles. "Ooh, stop it. I'm ticklish." > e Before you can get anywhere near the door, the elephant stops you. "Sorry, fellow. Nobody's allowed through there." > tickle belly with feather You tickle him again. He laughs louder and tries ineffectively to push the feather away. > tickle belly with feather Giggling uncontrollably, the elephant loses control and stampedes west, screaming with laughter from the bar. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > e (first trying to open the rear door) You open the rear door. Back Alley This is a small dark alley behind the dive bar. A doorway leads west back inside. To the east a rickety wooden pier leads out into the still black waters of the Toonopolis River. A low fog drifts across the still surface and you hear the occasional "clang" of a buoy and a distant foghorn. > save Ok. > x pier It's a rickety wooden pier. > x fog It's thick fog overlying the water. > e Pier This is the end of a pier that returns to the west. Black fog-shrouded water laps at the supports and there's a dilapidated houseboat here docked alongside. It can be boarded to the east. > x water You see the black water of Toonopolis river. A layer of fog lies over it. > x boat It's a neglected houseboat tied up at the pier. It's listing somewhat and heavily rusted. It can be boarded to the east. > * extra line break above [Comment recorded] > e Fore This is the forward compartment of the houseboat. Garbage is liberally strewn about and it smells funny in here. It's dark but through the shadows you can make out an open doorway leading aft and the exit back to the pier lies to port. You can hear snoring coming from the open doorway. > smell You smell an acrid mixture of weasel fur, river water, and garbage. > listen You hear a choir of snoring from the next room. > x garbage It's a rich tapestry of empty beer bottles, chicken bones, cigar butts, and other unidentifiable rubbish. > search it You don't need to mess with that. > take it You don't need to mess with that. > l Fore This is the forward compartment of the houseboat. Garbage is liberally strewn about and it smells funny in here. It's dark but through the shadows you can make out an open doorway leading aft and the exit back to the pier lies to port. You can hear snoring coming from the open doorway. > aft Aft This is the smaller and equally dark aft compartment. Three hammocks hang from the ceiling, each one cradling a loudly snoring weasel. The only exit lies through a forward doorway. There's a teddy bear here dropped under one of the hammocks. > x weasels They're three loudly-snoring weasels. Each one wears a ratty turtleneck sweater and a newsboy cap pushed down over their face. > x bear It's the ugliest and most terrifying teddy bear you've ever seen. Its black eyes are wide open in a deathly stare and its mouth is agape in a snarl framed with sharp fangs. > take bear Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > l Aft This is the smaller and equally dark aft compartment. Three hammocks hang from the ceiling, each one cradling a loudly snoring weasel. The only exit lies through a forward doorway. > n Fore This is the forward compartment of the houseboat. Garbage is liberally strewn about and it smells funny in here. It's dark but through the shadows you can make out an open doorway leading aft and the exit back to the pier lies to port. You can hear snoring coming from the open doorway. > n You can't go that way. > e You can't go that way. > w Pier This is the end of a pier that returns to the west. Black fog-shrouded water laps at the supports and there's a dilapidated houseboat here docked alongside. It can be boarded to the east. > w Back Alley This is a small dark alley behind the dive bar. A doorway leads west back inside. To the east a rickety wooden pier leads out into the still black waters of the Toonopolis River. A low fog drifts across the still surface and you hear the occasional "clang" of a buoy and a distant foghorn. > n You can't go that way. > n You can't go that way. > w The Punch & Pound You're standing in a cramped and poorly lit tavern. Tables and chairs are scattered about and a bar lined with stools occupies one wall. Thick blue cigar smoke fills the top half of the room, causing your eyes to sting and burn. The stools and chairs are occupied by a rough-looking collection of patrons, mainly cartoon bulldogs and weasels, all glaring at you suspiciously through narrowed eyes. The exit lies to the west through a swinging door back outside. A second door lies to the east. > n You can't go that way. > w You push through the swinging door with a "thwick-thwack". Dead End This is a very short dark alley that abruptly ends here at a dead end and returns to the north. It's lined with squat shabby buildings in various stages of collapse. One such building lies to the east where light pours from a doorway guarded by a swinging door. A large neon sign above it displays a dancing liquor bottle next to the name "The Punch & Pound". > n Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > w Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. A pale moon, partially obscured by clouds, shines dimly down. You can hear owls hooting in the distance. > w As you cross the tracks to the west, the smiling sun suddenly spins into view, replacing the moon. Birds begin to sing again. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > n As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". ACNE This is ACNE, supplier of all needful things within the 'toon world. The building is massive and, so you've been told, holds at least one of everything in the cartoon universe. Large items such as trebuchets, magic cauldrons, and grand pianos are typically delivered direct to the customer. This tiny lobby, however, is dedicated solely to the pick-up of smaller items and is self-serve, transactions being managed via a pneumatic tube hanging from the ceiling. The only exit lies to the south. > s As you pass through the doors they slide closed behind you with a cheerful "ding". East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > w Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > n North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > ne Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. A piglet wearing a beanie and a yellow shirt occupies the sandbox. He's digging with a plastic shovel and pail. Momma pig sits nearby on the bench. She's reading a paperback and rarely glances up to check on Junior. On the bench you can see a fruitcake. The piglet blows a raspberry at you and sneers. > give bear to piglet You wave the teddy bear in front of the little pig. He catches sight of the terrifying doll and his jaw drops. His eyes open wide in a look of terror and a scream rises slowly from his throat. His mother, suddenly alerted by the commotion rushes over. "What are you doing to him?" she hollers, her jowls jiggling. She scoops the inconsolable piglet up in one massive arm, grabbing his pail and shovel in the other. She sniffs at you angrily and storms off. > take fruitcake Taken. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > l Park This is a small park, a square of green dotted with trees. There's a sandbox in the middle, a bench next to it. A path leads southwest back to the road. > sw North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > s Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > e East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > s It would seem the bank is closed. > e Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. The sun shines down brightly. You can hear bees buzzing and birds chirping happily in the background. > e As you cross the tracks to the east, the smiling sun quickly rotates out of sight below the horizon, replaced by a frowning moon rotating in from the opposite direction. Nightime falls and the temperature drops. The air is suddenly tinged with foreboding. Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > e You can't go that way. > e You can't go that way. > ne Dark Turn The road here turns from east to southwest, running through muddy lots and abandoned buildings. Bright lights shine from the east. > e Carnival Entrance This is the entrance to Baloney Island, Toonopolis' amusement park. First drawn and inked during the roaring 20s, it's since fallen into disrepair. A garishly-colored and neon-lit archway leads east to the midway and to the attractions beyond. The smell of cotton candy and cooking oil waft on the air and, in the distance, you can hear faint calliope music and the indistinct call of the midway barkers. To the west the road disappears into darkness. > save Ok. > e Midway West This is the western end of the midway. The carnival exit lies through an arch to the west. The 'Tunnel of Love' ride lies to the south and the midway continues off to the east. The "Guess Your Weight" carnival barker is here, a cartoon aardvark standing next to a large scale. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" > x fruitcake It's a slab of fruitcake dense enough that light seems to refract around it. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like you work out. Care to guess your weight? Only three simoleons." > give money to barker "Now wait a minute, Tex. You need to drop everything else you're carryin' first." "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > eat fruitcake You bite into the fruitcake, immediately struck by its incredible density. As you eat it, you can feel each mouthful coalescing in your gut, weighing you down with every bite. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like you work out. Care to guess your weight? Only three simoleons." > drop all teddy bear: Dropped. jimmy bar: Dropped. canister: Dropped. feather: Dropped. broken parasol: Dropped. brass key: Dropped. glass vial: Dropped. bus pass: Dropped. paint brush: Dropped. newspaper: Dropped. framed photo: Dropped. three-simoleon bill: Dropped. golden lyre: Dropped. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > give money to barker (first taking the three-simoleon bill) The barker takes the bill and pockets it. "Let's see now," the barker eyes you up and down. "Kind of scrawny, no real muscle mass. Cranium is kinda small. You, sir, are mostly fur and gristle. I'm gonna reckon you weigh 45 fudds." You step up onto the scale and the dial whirs and spins. After an agonizing moment, the needle finally stops at 63. The barker's face falls. "Somethin' fishy here..." He pats you down looking for any hidden weights. Not finding any, he reluctantly pulls your prize from a pocket and hands it to you. "Congratulations, sonny. You're a heap denser than you look," He turns and resumes his barking. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > x prize Sorry, I don't understand what "prize" means. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > i You're carrying a pair of novelty glasses. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > x glasses They're a cheap pair of ACNE novelty glasses. Their most prominent feature is the huge bulbous nose protruding from the front. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" > wear glasses You are now wearing the novelty glasses. You start to feel a bit lighter as the fruitcake makes its way through your digestive tract. "If I can't guess your weight you win a prize!" the barker hollers. > push nose Nothing obvious happens. > touch nose You don't feel anything unexpected. "Step right up," the aardvark hollers. "Guess your weight! Only three simoleons!" > squeeze nose That is not a verb I recognize. > take all golden lyre: Taken. framed photo: Taken. newspaper: Taken. paint brush: Taken. bus pass: Taken. glass vial: Taken. brass key: Taken. broken parasol: Taken. feather: Taken. canister: Taken. jimmy bar: Taken. teddy bear: Taken. You seem to have digested the fruitcake and no longer feel so weighed down. The needle on the scale suddenly drops to 45. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > out First, you'd have to leave the scale. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > exit You get off of the scale. "You there, sir," he calls to no one in particular. "You look like an average-sized gent. Care to guess your weight?" > w Carnival Entrance This is the entrance to Baloney Island, Toonopolis' amusement park. First drawn and inked during the roaring 20s, it's since fallen into disrepair. A garishly-colored and neon-lit archway leads east to the midway and to the attractions beyond. The smell of cotton candy and cooking oil waft on the air and, in the distance, you can hear faint calliope music and the indistinct call of the midway barkers. To the west the road disappears into darkness. > w Dark Turn The road here turns from east to southwest, running through muddy lots and abandoned buildings. Bright lights shine from the east. > w You can't go that way. > save Ok. > w You can't go that way. > nw You can't go that way. > n You can't go that way. > sw Dark Road Sickly yellow moonlight reflects off potholes of dirty water and you can hear the distant sound of sirens and occasional gunfire. The street is empty otherwise and continues west and northeast. Foreboding dark alleys branch off to the north and south. > w Train Tracks As the street continues east and west, it's split here down the middle by train tracks that disappear off to the north and south. There's a metal sign posted next to the tracks. A pale moon, partially obscured by clouds, shines dimly down. You can hear owls hooting in the distance. > w As you cross the tracks to the west, the smiling sun suddenly spins into view, replacing the moon. Birds begin to sing again. East Road The road here continues east and west, lined with buildings on both sides. On the south side stands the Toonopolis Bank, a white stone structure fronted by graceful pillars. On the north side stands a store. A small sign above the sliding entry doors reads "ACNE Supplies". A large safe dangles above the street, suspended by a tangle of ropes from a rickety crane perched on the bank roof. A colony of beavers is here. They're scrambling in the street and over the crane above, struggling to guide the safe onto the roof and then into the bank itself. A single rope hangs down from the safe to just within reach. There's a piece of paper attached to the end of the rope. > w Roundabout You're standing in roughly the center of Toonopolis. The road approaches from the west, enters a roundabout here, and leaves again in the opposite direction. There's a bus stop here, a metal bench with a metal sign on a pole next to it. A path leads south and roads radiate away to the east and north. > w There's nothing that way but miles of poorly-drawn scenery. > n North Road The path here turns northeast and south. To the west you see a squat brick windowless building with a metal door. A sign across the top reads "Willy's Pawnshop". You might be crazy, but you could swear you can smell acorn pie here. > w Pawnshop Dusty shelves packed with doodads and knickknacks line the walls of this small poorly-lit room. A single lightbulb hangs from the ceiling and casts a sickly yellow light over everything. There's a stained wooden counter here and the only exit lies east through a thick metal door. There's a metal grate embedded in the floor. You can smell acorn pie through the grate. > pry grate with bar You pry at the grate and, finally, are able to swing it open. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > s You can't go that way. > d You crawl through the opening but, very quickly, find yourself tumbling rapidly down a long chute, screaming in terror and delight. After a moment, you find yourself planted face first onto a hard cold floor in complete darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from the right. > * ah that's how it works! [Comment recorded] > right You take a right into the darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from immediately ahead. > forward You move forward deeper into the darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from the left. > left You turn left into the pitch blackness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from the left. > left You turn left into the pitch blackness. Suddenly, you find yourself emerging from the pitch blackness into slightly less darkness. Antechamber This is a small dark stone-lined chamber. A large room lies through a doorway to the east and a second doorway leads west into complete darkness. You can smell the increasingly strong aroma of acorn pie coming from the east. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > smell The bulbous nose of the glasses seems to collect the odors around you, heightening your sense of smell. > w Inexplicably, you head back into the pitch-black maze of darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from the right. > * lol [Comment recorded] > e In this darkness you can only go forward, backward, right, or left. > right You take a right into the darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from immediately ahead. > ahead That is not a verb I recognize. > forward You move forward deeper into the darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from immediately ahead. > forward You move forward deeper into the darkness. Darkness You're standing in complete darkness in a location with unknown dimensions. Thanks to the comically large nose of your novelty spectacles, you can smell the aroma of acorn pie coming from behind you. > behind You head backwards into the inky blackness. Suddenly, you find yourself emerging from the pitch blackness into slightly less darkness. Antechamber This is a small dark stone-lined chamber. A large room lies through a doorway to the east and a second doorway leads west into complete darkness. You can smell the increasingly strong aroma of acorn pie coming from the east. > x doorway Sorry, I don't understand what "doorway" means. > e Workout Room This is a dim dank cellar, a sinister stone-lined room with a smooth concrete floor. Various ominous devices are scattered about including an iron maiden in one corner and a rack in another. A cage hangs overhead from a chain in the ceiling and out of reach. The smell of acorn pie wafts from a doorway to the north and a second doorway leads west into utter scary darkness. Oh. And there's a vacuum cleaner here. > x devices Sorry, I don't understand what "devices" means. > x maiden It's an upright coffin-like cabinet with a hinged door, currently open. The inside of the door is covered with sharp protruding spikes. > x rack It's a wooden platform, approximately the length of a squirrel, with a roller at each end. > x cage It's an empty cage hanging from a chain in the ceiling. > enter cage You can't enter that. > x cleaner It's a large cannister-style vacuum cleaner with a hose snaking out of it. You see two buttons on the side: one labelled "Suck" and one labelled "Blow". > take it It's too heavy to pick up. You could probably push it. > push it north You push the vacuum cleaner in front of you. Lair This dark low-ceilinged room smells of a complex mixture of weasel fur, stale cigar smoke, and acorn pie. Up against one wall stands a large oven and a plain wooden door lies to the north. The only other exit lies to the south, but only briefly as a metal sliding panel slides down, blocking the door as you pass through it. Barging into the room, you screech abruptly to a stop, finding yourself facing a mob of weasels gathered here. One of them steps forward, pitches his cap forward and flips his cigar from one side of his mouth to the other. "Gee, fellas. It looks like we got ourselves a visitor. Judging from his squirrely appearance, I'd guess he's here to rescue our piemaker. Hows about we show him the door...IN PIECES!" His eyes flash for a moment in a crazed kaleidoscope of colors and the other weasels leap to their feet. In unison, each one pulls out a switchblade knife and brandishes it before him as they form a line and begin to advance on you. You can also see a vacuum cleaner here. > turn on cleaner You push the "suck" button. With a loud whine the vacuum cleaner springs to life and air whistles through it with a roar. The hose starts to whip crazily through the air. The weasels advance on you, snarling and smiling. > take hose Taken. > point hose at weasels The weasels won't fit in the opening of the hose. The weasels brandish their switchblades as they get closer. > point hose at knives To the weasels' great surprise and before they can react, seventeen switchblades suddenly are ripped from their hands and fly in formation across the room into the hose of the vacuum cleaner. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > l Lair This dark low-ceilinged room smells of a complex mixture of weasel fur, stale cigar smoke, and acorn pie. Up against one wall stands a large oven and a plain wooden door lies to the north. The only other exit lies to the south but is currently closed. A mob of weasels is here. You can see a vacuum cleaner here. > x cleaner It's a large cannister-style vacuum cleaner with a hose snaking out of it. You see two buttons on the side: one labelled "Suck" and one labelled "Blow". It's currently turned on and screaming with a high-pitched "whoosh". > push blow You press the button and the motor roars in reverse. Suddenly, seventeen switchblades rocket from the hose and fly across the room. Serendipitously, each of the seventeen switchblades whizzing through the air heads toward one of the seventeen weasels advancing on you. Each one screams in shock as each knife finds its mark. You hear seventeen dull "thwacks" and each weasel falls over, expired. Momentarily, seventeen weasel angels rise from the bodies scattered about and start to float upward, their translucent wings flapping. They high-five each other as they rise upward and out of sight although you suspect they may be soon disappointed. Also, serendipitously, the metal door blocking the doorway to the south slides up. [Your score has just gone up by 10 points.] > l Lair This dark low-ceilinged room smells of a complex mixture of weasel fur, stale cigar smoke, and acorn pie. Up against one wall stands a large oven and a plain wooden door lies to the north. The only other exit lies to the south You see a mob of expired weasels here. You can also see a vacuum cleaner here. > x weasels The floor is scattered with expired weasels. Each one has a switchblade embedded in his chest and each has large black X's over his eyes. > x oven It's a massive hulk of an oven, currently closed. > open oven You open the oven, revealing nothing. > enter oven You can't enter that. > n (first trying to open the closet door) As you open the door to the tiny closet, you find yourself muzzle to muzzle with Sissy Squirrel. "Oh, Slappy! You came for me!" Her arms fly around you and your heart beats, quite literally, out of your chest. Fireworks explode as she plants a thankful kiss on you. Love birds flutter around the two of you and a large heart wipes the screen to black. Congratulations, you have saved the girl and joined the ranks of the greatest romantic couples in toon history. (first dropping the vacuum cleaner hose) *** You have won *** In that game you scored 200 out of a possible 200, in 665 turns. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT? full Your score was made up as follows: 10 getting the bus pass 10 stopping the bus 10 reaching Toonopolis 10 taking the feather 10 getting the ACNE coupon 10 taking the glass vial 10 getting the golden lyre 10 reconstituting yourself 10 tickling the elephant 10 getting the teddy bear 10 taking the brass key 10 lulling the guard dog to sleep 10 winning the novelty glasses 10 getting the fruitcake 10 taking the three-simoleon bill 10 getting the crowbar 10 opening the grate in the pawnshop 10 smelling your way underneath the pawnshop 10 vacuuming the weasels' switchblades 10 boomerang switchblades! 200 total (out of 200) Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?