Start of a transcript of Dork An Interactive Fiction by ShurikenKat Release 1 / Serial number 180910 / Inform 7 build 6M62 (I6/v6.33 lib 6/12N) Identification number: //B243F2E2-B31A-4439-97AC-26FDA0CAF132// Interpreter version 1.3.4 / VM 3.1.2 / Library serial number 080126 Standard Rules version 3/120430 by Graham Nelson >about That's not a verb I recognise. >help That's not a verb I recognise. >hints That's not a verb I recognise. >info That's not a verb I recognise. >x me As good-looking as ever. >* suggest changing the default response as a matter of style :-) That's not a verb I recognise. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. You can see a welcome mat here. >x mat A rubber welcome mat with heartwarming words on it. >get all (the welcome mat) Taken. >look under mat You find nothing of interest. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >i You are carrying: a welcome mat >x mat A rubber welcome mat with heartwarming words on it. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >x field You can't see any such thing. >x house You can't see any such thing. >x door "Well, hi there! I really, truly hope you are satisfied with the services I may provide you. It is my duty to adhere to your every door-opening wish with a cheerful and sunny disposition! That's the way the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation designed me. We all come with a Genuine People Personalities feature, so that service is given with a happy hum! Please enjoy the perusal of my many features, which include opening, closing, locking, and unlocking me! I hope to serve you well." The hell was that about? There is a small flag-shaped keyhole on the door. >x keyhole You can't see any such thing. >look West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >unlock door (with the welcome mat) That doesn't seem to fit the lock. >open door It seems to be locked. >dig That's not a verb I recognise. >talk to door That's not a verb I recognise. >ask door about weather You can only do that to something animate. >x mailbox It looks back at you. It's rude to stare. It's got one of those red flag-arm-swingy-dealy things, which it brandishes proudly. >x flag A mailbox is probably pretty pissed that you have this. The hell is wrong with you?! >* does this response assume that I have taken the flag? That's not a verb I recognise. >push flag It is fixed in place. >pull flag It is fixed in place. >turn flag It is fixed in place. >open mailbox The box shouts, "Hey! This ain't yer mail, kiddo! Keep yer grubby hands in yer own damn business!" whilst flinging its little red flag-arm-swingy-dealy thing around like a helicopter blade. As it berates you for your crimes against humanity and courtesy, a small leaflet slips out of its door-mouth-apparatus thing and lands at your feet. It appears to have settled down again. >g The box shouts, "Hey! This ain't yer mail, kiddo! Keep yer grubby hands in yer own damn business!" whilst flinging its little red flag-arm-swingy-dealy thing around like a helicopter blade. It berates you for your crimes against humanity and courtesy. It appears to have settled down again. >g The box shouts, "Hey! This ain't yer mail, kiddo! Keep yer grubby hands in yer own damn business!" whilst flinging its little red flag-arm-swingy-dealy thing around like a helicopter blade. It berates you for your crimes against humanity and courtesy. It appears to have settled down again. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. You can see a small leaflet here. >get leaflet Taken. It looks like someone leaft you a message. Go ahead and reed it. Maybe two or tree times if you have to. I don't care what you say. Plant jokes are funny. >* lol That's not a verb I recognise. >read leaflet Welcome to Dork! Dork is a game of walking around, moderate to borderline crappy amounts of peril, and low, low, very low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most mediocre territory ever seen by anyone who happens to have eyes. Playful adventurers have frolicked, giggling profusely from the "terrors" contained within. In Dork, the delusional explorer delves into the forgotten something-or-others of a lost labyrinth deep in the bowels of the overactive, and frankly mental, imagination, searching for literal pieces of garbage long hidden from other individuals of such a primitive mental spectrum, trash guarded by fearsome mothers and diabolical trap music! Your system could definitely benefit without it! >* way to set expectations! That's not a verb I recognise. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >x stump A tree once stood here, tall and proud. Then some dickhead lumberjack came along and ended its life for his own desires. He didn't even ask for the tree's opinion on the matter or anything, he just went and killed the hell out of it. Hi, I'm a representative of the Deforestation Intervention Committe Klan, or D.I.C.K., and I urge you to be pro-life. Trees aren't the reason you got pregnant in the first place. You were. Make the right choice, and shun the pro-choice. There's some sort of hinge attaching the stump to the ground. >x hinge You can't see any such thing. >* implement That's not a verb I recognise. >lift stump That's not a verb I recognise. >push stump It is fixed in place. >open stump The stump swings upward, revealing a hole in the ground. Somebody reeeally doesn't know how trees are supposed to work. Y'know, photosynthesis and shit. Not hidden doors. Such ignorance, this is why kids should stay in school. You open the tree stump. >* consider other verbs to move the stump That's not a verb I recognise. >undo West of House [Previous turn undone.] >undo West of House [Previous turn undone.] >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >look under stump You find nothing of interest. >open stump The stump swings upward, revealing a hole in the ground. Somebody reeeally doesn't know how trees are supposed to work. Y'know, photosynthesis and shit. Not hidden doors. Such ignorance, this is why kids should stay in school. You open the tree stump. >x stump A tree once stood here, tall and proud. Then some dickhead lumberjack came along and ended its life for his own desires. He didn't even ask for the tree's opinion on the matter or anything, he just went and killed the hell out of it. Hi, I'm a representative of the Deforestation Intervention Committe Klan, or D.I.C.K., and I urge you to be pro-life. Trees aren't the reason you got pregnant in the first place. You were. Make the right choice, and shun the pro-choice. There's some sort of hinge attaching the stump to the ground. >* description should change to reflect that stump is open (conditional in last sentence?) That's not a verb I recognise. >look in stump You find nothing of interest. >enter stump Under the Stump You are in a small recess beneath the stump. It seems that someone, possibly your own self from the future, carved this hole here. The field west of the house is through the hole above you. You can see a gun here. >undo West of House [Previous turn undone.] >d Under the Stump You are in a small recess beneath the stump. It seems that someone, possibly your own self from the future, carved this hole here. The field west of the house is through the hole above you. You can see a gun here. >get gun Taken. A Colt Single-Action Army Revolver. There is a note attached to it. "Yo. This is you, but from, like, the future or whatever. I've provided for you this gun, along with the totally-badass hole you'll find it in. Please, for the love of god, kill yourself before playing this game. It's not worth it. There's a single bullet in the chamber, with which you have the power to off yourself. Do it." It seems that you really hate yourself for playing Dork. >x gun A Colt Single-Action Army Revolver. There is a note attached to it. "Yo. This is you, but from, like, the future or whatever. I've provided for you this gun, along with the totally-badass hole you'll find it in. Please, for the love of god, kill yourself before playing this game. It's not worth it. There's a single bullet in the chamber, with which you have the power to off yourself. Do it." It seems that you really hate yourself for playing Dork. >shoot me What do you want to shoot yourself with? >shoot me with gun You press the gun to your temple. Breathing slowly, you pull the trigger. Click. The gun does nothing. You check the chamber, only to find that the "bullet" is a tootsie-roll. It would seem that your future self has just duped you. He knows how badass this fucking game is. Now that you think about it... You're hungry as hell. And the gun is starting to look quite appetizing... Care to indulge? >eat bullet You can't see any such thing. >* but it's a tootsie-roll That's not a verb I recognise. >eat gun You slip the gun into your mouth. This probably isn't a good idea, but a game really isn't all that realistic if you can't eat the gun, right? It goes down the hatch, settling in your stomach. This was likely a bad idea, but hey, your tummy was making the rumblies. Who would you be to deny it some scrumptious firearms? You'd be a sane person. Which, at present, you appear not to be. You feel like puking and simultaneously shitting out a revolver. >puke That's not a verb I recognise. >shit That's not a verb I recognise. >l Under the Stump You are in a small recess beneath the stump. It seems that someone, possibly your own self from the future, carved this hole here. The field west of the house is through the hole above you. >l Under the Stump You are in a small recess beneath the stump. It seems that someone, possibly your own self from the future, carved this hole here. The field west of the house is through the hole above you. >d You can't go that way. >u West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >e (first opening the Boarded front door) It seems to be locked. >* Boarded -> boarded That's not a verb I recognise. >w You can't go that way. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >open mailbox The box shouts, "Hey! This ain't yer mail, kiddo! Keep yer grubby hands in yer own damn business!" whilst flinging its little red flag-arm-swingy-dealy thing around like a helicopter blade. It berates you for your crimes against humanity and courtesy. It appears to have settled down again. >look in mailbox You find nothing of interest. >hit mailbox Violence isn't the answer to this one. >hit door Violence isn't the answer to this one. >hit keyhole You can't see any such thing. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >x field You can't see any such thing. >n You can't go that way. >s You can't go that way. >w You can't go that way. >e (first opening the Boarded front door) It seems to be locked. >ne You can't go that way. >nw You can't go that way. >se You can't go that way. >sw You can't go that way. >u You can't go that way. >in You can't go that way. >out But you aren't in anything at the moment. >d Under the Stump You are in a small recess beneath the stump. It seems that someone, possibly your own self from the future, carved this hole here. The field west of the house is through the hole above you. >w You can't go that way. >i You are carrying: a small leaflet a welcome mat >x leaflet It looks like someone leaft you a message. Go ahead and reed it. Maybe two or tree times if you have to. I don't care what you say. Plant jokes are funny. >x mat A rubber welcome mat with heartwarming words on it. >u West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. >u You can't go that way. >l West of House You are in an open field on the west side of a white house with a boarded front door to the east. A tree stump sits by a mailbox. > I beg your pardon? >i You are carrying: a small leaflet a welcome mat >x houes You can't see any such thing. >o house You can't see any such thing. >x door "Well, hi there! I really, truly hope you are satisfied with the services I may provide you. It is my duty to adhere to your every door-opening wish with a cheerful and sunny disposition! That's the way the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation designed me. We all come with a Genuine People Personalities feature, so that service is given with a happy hum! Please enjoy the perusal of my many features, which include opening, closing, locking, and unlocking me! I hope to serve you well." The hell was that about? There is a small flag-shaped keyhole on the door. >close door That's already closed. >lock door What do you want to lock the Boarded front door with? >lock door with mat That's locked at the moment. >unlock door with leaflet That doesn't seem to fit the lock. >i You are carrying: a small leaflet a welcome mat >eat leaflet That's plainly inedible. >quit Are you sure you want to quit? y