Who am I? ;)

Everyone has their issues. You just have to make the most of it. You can say that a man is defined by his enemies, and over the years, that has made me pretty well-defined.
I’m both distinguished and an excentric engineer, so naturally my enemies are distinguished, excentric people as well.
There’s this psychologist Dr. Crane, this botanist Dr. Isley, and this mobster too. Then there’s this guy who I don’t even know who he is. …but my main problem is that on top of that, I’m being stalked by this weird chemical engineer, who has a really good lawyer. I used to have a pretty good district attorney on my side, until he went crazy too.
I guess we’re all a little batshit crazy.

Batman. (I only know that by searching for “Crane” and “Isley” on a fan fiction site, then looking for which work the results were based on.)

It’s not as easy to recognize them, when you take away all the costumes, cars and antics. :wink:

Oh. I thought it was a character from “Cheers”, as Dr. Crane was the only thing I recognised.

Me too, though I thought “Frasier”. Also, maybe I’m just dense, but it took me a couple of posts to realise this was a riddle. :stuck_out_tongue:

Also, if we keep talking in spoilers, someone’s bound to ask “Hey, why are we all whispering?”


I thought “Batman” might be too obvious and that it might actually be a villain, with Batman as a stalker. Then I looked at it again and realized it was Batman himself (I think the Joker is a chemical engineer in some backstories). It might help that the last Batman things I consumed were the first two movies, so I recognized the Sandman right away. Or wait, that’s the Scarecrow. Why the hell isn’t he the Sandman? He puts you to sleep and does crazy things to you.

[spoiler]Batman Gets Some Coffee

‘I’m tired,’ growled Batman, his words sending tiny steam clouds into the freezing night sky over Gotham City. ‘I need some coffee.’

‘Sure thing, Batman!’ shouted Robin enthusiastically. ‘Let’s go!’

‘Could you keep it down? I’ve got a headache.’

‘Sorry, Sir.’ Robin scratched the back of his head nervously as he grinned widely.

‘And stop calling me sir, already. God knows I’ve known you long enough…’

They climbed down the fire escape (they were up a skyscraper) and headed for the nearest Starbucks. By the time they reached it Batman, who wasn’t as young as he used to be, was a little out of breath.

‘Coffee. Black. Strong,’ breathed Batman.

‘Yes, Mr. Batman, right away Sir,’ said the spotty student behind the counter. ‘I’ve got all your comic books and -’

‘Just get me the coffee, kid.’

‘And anything for the Boy Wonder?’ asked the employee.

‘Ooh,’ said Robin, ‘get me something with marshmallows in!’

Batman rolled his eyes. It was going to be one of those days.[/spoiler]

mostly useless made this for me one day. I thought it was appropriate.
image (1).jpg

To me he’ll always be a chemical engineer first and a nihilistic comedian second. First of all, there’s the backstory to his face, that he fell into a vat of acid (or other chemical) at Ace Chemicals. Yes, he could be there to do something shady, but it’s more likely that he worked there. Further, he relies on two weapons: The laughing gas, and the acid spray. To my knowledge he doesn’t hire a chemist to manufacture those, so at least in the beginning, he would have to rely on his own chemical know-how to create them in a laboratory.

Complete answer:

I’m the goddamn Batman.
I still have issues with my parent’s death, but I grew strength from it. As a character I’m just Mr. Moody Broody, so instead the villains are the colorful people that define what I’m against.
I’m a known millionaire, but I also make lots of gadgets. LOTS of gadgets.
My villains are Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, The Penguin, and The Riddler. On top of that, there’s my arch nemesis The Joker, and his companion Harley Quinn. I used to work with Two-Face, until he grew his second face.

Wikipedia informs me that

Harley Quinn is a doctor, not a lawyer.

Vaguely related rambling:

When I saw The Dark Knight, I was like “Holy plot twist! Harvey Dent turns into Two-Face!” I get the idea that this was not a surprise to people who know Batman better than I do. My favorite example of this is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; in the original Robert Louis Stevenson story all the characters (and presumably the original readers) are all “Oh my! What mysterious hold can the sinister Mr. Hyde have over the respectable Dr. Jekyll?” and everyone who reads it today is saying “They’re Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s in the title.”

Anyway, I’ve got another one.

I’m an academic, but my boss keeps giving the classes I really want to teach to a succession of underqualified and even dangerous fools. I have this new student who’s a real pain; he’s a star athlete with a bad attitude who’s always breaking school rules. He keeps getting the best student in the class tied up in his escapades. Oh, and he looks just like his father, who made my life hell when I was a kid (he’s dead now, thankfully). But worst of all my boss told me to look out for him especially! And let’s not even talk about what my old boss is up to…

Snape, snape severus snape.

Related to the original riddle: If you haven’t already read JL8, I can very much recommend it! It’s the Justice League characters, imagined as eight-year-olds, and it’s brilliant.

Edit: After posting that, I ended up reading through the whole thing again (it’s on a break until some time February), and enjoyed it as much as the first time I read it.

Yeah, I was dead wrong. All this time, I thought she was a big reason why The Joker got out of jail so easily: He seduced and slept with the defense. That would have made her a pretty badass character, IMO. Ah well.

That was hard, because in the end it looks (at least to me) that Snape is the one teacher that actually cared about Harry Potter - more so than Dumbledore did. Why Snape was so harsh on him, was because if Harry Potter was going to be pitted against Voldemort, he needed to grow up and take things seriously. Snape despised Potters childish antics basically out of worry. He spent all his time as a covert agent, watching exactly what Voldemort was capable of. You don’t become a carefree character out of that. Snape actually trumphs Batman in being a dark hero.

I would definitely say that he was a hero, but not that he truly cared about Harry. If you ignore the seventh book all the evidence is to the contrary, and I don’t think the big reveal changes that.

I can’t argue with someone who has read the books. It just looks that way in the movies. If you really care about a person, you’ll demand growth from them. You’ll be crude to them instead of nice. This goes even more if something is threatening them. I was accused by somebody recently, for “turning their life into a nightmare”. I did things like ask her where her so called “friends” would be when the Yakuza would inevitably come to slit her throat. …because I cared.