Which perspective do you prefer?

Authoring General Design Discussions
1

As I’m starting to write room descriptions for my game, I want something consistent, but don’t know a good pattern to follow.

I’m trying to examine how changing some words can change the perspective of the player and also pull the player into the game. How do you feel about these? Which do you prefer? Why?

“You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”

“You’re standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully. Exits are south to a building and south, east, and west to a forest.”

“I am standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around me is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”

“Standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”

“At the end of a road before a small brick building. Around is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”"

“There is a small brick building. Around is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”

“Before a small brick building, surrounded by a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.”"

Do you know any good articles on this?

2

This one is confusing:

South leads both to a forest and a building?

I also find it slightly odd to read that there are exits to a forest when I’m outside. Maybe something like this: “You can enter the building to the south, or head east or west into the forest.” I do like to be told where I can go. Trying all directions just in case is not fun.

As for choosing a style in general, I say write it in whatever way feels best to you and what fits the game. It’s usually a good thing to be clear (about objects and geography in particular), but there is room for exceptions to that rule too.

3

I was going to provide some criticism for this, but then I realised it’s from a classic adventure. Briefly, I think it’s possible to be as concise as this and still provide a little atmosphere - just a couple of words mentioning the weather, say, or the time of day.

The other major issue is the use of the word “standing” which might have been okay in Colossal Cave, but in most modern IF systems would need to change if the player is in another position.

I don’t like the word “exits” here, especially since to me it seems like the path into a building should be an entrance. I’m all for making the rules and structure of your game transparent to the player, but I still think it’s possible to describe the possible routes more naturally, e.g. “You can go south to a building… etc.”

(Or basically what Trumgottist said.)

I’m a big believer in IF not being exclusively second person present tense, but I think this is something which is largely separate from how to write your room descriptions, and more about how you want the player to relate to your game. If you have a player character with a strong personality and/or who’s a big part of the story, for example, you might want to consider using the first person.

This lends the game an unusual voice. I could see it being used for something interesting, but I wouldn’t expect it to be a very typical text adventure.

Even assuming a player character with an interesting perspective, to me the first sentence makes me wonder just what is at the end of the road.

I think this could be used to great effect in an unusual game, e.g. if there’s no player character and instead the game is about the story of the brick building itself.

I like combining some of the rather simplistic sentences from the original, but this seems a bit too terse to me.

4

For some of your impersonal descriptions, you could use the room name to finesse Pacian’s worry about just what is the end of the road. Something like this:

Come to think of it, this could be just as well without the room name:

(Mild spoilers for a non-plot/puzzle aspect of Slouching Toward Bedlam follow.)

[spoiler]Sloucing Toward Bedlam did something interesting with this, where narration never refers to the PC in first, second, or third person; this is done subtly enough that I played through the whole game and didn’t notice until it was pointed out to me. Here’s a sample:

[/spoiler]

Also, I agree with Trumgottist; I want to be told which directions I can go.

5

Having experience with MUDs, I don’t care for referencing the player in the room description. Describe the room as what can be readily observed.

6

I’ve gone to some lengths in my WIP to make exit listing look clean. Although directions aren’t always mentioned in room-descriptions, failure messages all contain exit listings in full prose:

(not real examples, but a fairly accurate demonstration of the level of detail)

7

I like that. Even though those messages ideally never would be seen, when they do show themselves that extra touch is very welcome.

8

Yeah, I love it when a game does this. I bump into walls a lot, and sometimes I’ll just cycle through directions instead of scrolling up in the transcript to see what direction brought me here (especially if it’s been a while and the room description doesn’t blatantly mention directions). Games that use this method make me feel a little less clumsy.