back in april, when i was cleaning out my horrible mom’s house after she kicked it, i found my beloved old teddy bear in the same state he’d been in since i moved out of florida over a decade ago: gutted of his stuffing and stuffed in a ziploc bag, despite mom promising to get him repaired multiple times.
i then promptly lost him in the mess and shuffle of throwing out old things, and he is currently somewhere in a dumpster in florida. when i realized he was truly gone, it absolutely wrecked me, and i’ve had many dreams since about finding him, only to wake up empty armed, sobbing.
i had another dream like this last night, and unfortunately became lucid enough to realize that this was a dream and he is truly unrecoverable. still, when i realized, i tried very hard to focus on what he looked like, felt like in my hands. just so i could hold onto him a little longer, even if only in my sleep. i woke up crying once more.
30 minutes ago, on a lark and a thin ray of hope, i searched up ‘90s teddy bear’ and scrolled through the image results. on a few more hunts, i did it. i found him.
well, not him-him, obviously, and not the exact same bear as in my memories (aside from his age, mine had a little patch sewn on his chest, perhaps of a flower…and a few other minor differences). could easily be a cousin of his though.
i immediately purchased this little bear, this time through tears of joy. she can’t ever replace my old teddy truly, but i like to think that he wanted me to be happy, which is why he reoccurred in my dreams to remind me of how much i loved him.
i’ll call her teddy jr.
