What truly is a REALLY BAD IF game? 25% of games didn't make the cut!

I must be really unlucky…

spoiler

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Now that I think back, if Terrence could really be considered IF, then the titular character would definitely be my XYZZY '24 Best Individual NPC nomination.

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YES :100:
It would be hilarious too (Zach would def get a kick out of it).

I think it verges really on the line of it. I would count it as IF, but I def know others who wouldn’t at all. Maybe if it was transcribed there wouldn’t really be a question :joy:

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ohhh dear, by Junias Toothgale

Apparently, this was made in 15min before the deadline.

ohhh dear is a tiny Twine story about crows, and their wish to better crowkind. You (apparently being a crow too) must choose the course of action that will set the crows’ future, by choosing one of two options. You are not given the specifics on what those options are, learning only about their consequences when you choose them. There are two endings, neither of them being particularly great for you.

Half of the “game” is however spent on a short tangent about how the game came to be, rather than the story itself, kinda chopping off its wings before it could actually fly. Which is a shame because it could make for a fun concept (from what I’ve gathered of the endings). But props for putting it together so soon before the deadline, like participating in Speed-IF without it being a restriction xD.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ there was some UI customisation (though, not sure if it would actually fit the setting?)

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ it’s more about the game making than the game itself
~ it doesn’t really delve enough into the story… :confused:

Final decision: Not super great, but made me interested in more.

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Grocery Quest, by Morbid Crow

Note: this is the author’s first game!

Grocery Quest is a short humorous Twine game where you play as an elf, in a quest of acquiring a Slushy and a Hot Dog at the local Fantasy 7-11. But the path between you and the desired item is essentially cursed: you will need to be careful in your actions and movements to get there safely, and retrieve said items with your life. There are multiple endings, with the winning state requiring a bit of sleuthing.

Even if short, it was pretty funny. The humour is on point and it made me want to get that elf its darn meal! I chuckled a lot. It’s pretty absurd, but it’s also my kind of jam. I also liked the use of formatting of part of the text, adding to the silliness of it all!

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ It’s very funny, and it’s got a fun (maybe too easy?) little puzzle!
~ I really liked exploring all the different endings, and laughed at many of them.

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ some inconsistencies with the formatting.
~ it’s not bad per se, but it made me crave the combo…

Final decision: No, it was too fun to be bad. Like not even so bad it’s good. (disqualified)

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The Worst Visual Novel Ever by PyrrhaIphis

This was also an entry for the Worst VN jam, which is a bit like this one, but just for VN, and includes a follow-up to fix some of the entries.

The Worst Visual Novel Ever is a relatively short, highly branching Visual Novel, where you can essentially build your own tiny adventure! After a short little questionnaire to know yourself better, you can choose your genre and here you go! Some choices later and you reach the end. You can rinse and repeat to your heart’s content!
There are probably more than a dozen ending (the author is not even sure themselves).

As a VN, the interface is relatively simple, with either a black background or a picture of a (I think?) English/Scottish landscape, where hand-drawn paper cutouts are superimposed. Sprites appear and disappear at the whim of the story (I was a bit confused about of OOD! one but :woman_shrugging: didn’t really question it :joy: ), it’s really quaint.

I replayed a lot, trying to find as many endings as I could, and while the questionnaire becomes a bit redundant after 5-6 tries (at least you can use the Skip button), it was a lot of fun! I liked the humour of the narrator. And there’s a good amount of choices for each path.

It really isn’t The Worst VN Ever, because I enjoyed playing it :joy:

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ Because it was fun!
~ Good amount of agency even if short
~ THERE WAS A PARSER REFERENCE!!

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ the game page lists it all for us :joy: (really convenient) though some of them are pretty forgivable.

Final decision: I mean… it’s not good but I laughed a lot and I had fun So I think it’s a disqualification :question::question:

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A Colorful World, by ActiveDayDreamer

A Colorful World is a cute short visual novel, where two friends (who I believe are children) meet, play some games and have fun together. It’s really simple, with only a couple of choices, and essentially two paths to see all there is to it.

The interface is pretty simple, with a static background showing the two protagonist, drawn in a child-like matter (with like crayons), and with a cute little background track.
It really is cute, and child-friendly!

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ Because it’s cute as heck! even with the “bad” drawings, it gives it some charm.
~ We don’t have much child-friendly games on the IFDB, so it was nice to add another one!

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ i guess it could have a bit more to do? or a more branching story?

Final decision: Is this another disqualification? :thinking:

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It occurred to my that I’ve played a lot of parsers with this jam :joy: It’s probably the jam that had the most parser entries out of all the ones I’ve organised…

Stealth Adventure (Really Bad IF Jam) by 8fyos99

Stealth Adventure is a short? parser where you are a spy, looking for important documents and destroy them before bad things are supposed to happen. In a strange room, you come across some items and an electronic door. There’s also a secret room and more objects there! The writing is very minimal, and does not give much away. The game is supposed to be winnable, according to the page, but I have not found a way to achieve it.

Mainly because: there are two mysterious objects that cannot be interacted with because they are named the same thing, a door that cannot be open (but you can take it? and eat it?), a shredder that doesn’t work, and a disguise that seems to be scenery. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: you can’t choose your sick spy name :weary:

Well. I guess one good thing was being able to eat the cheese.

EDIT: you CAN ACTUALLY WIN, it is just a matter of being very vain (looking at yourself) and repeating actions enough time.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ It works :joy:
~ It has that classic premise for text adventures! Puzzles, shocking twists, and you’re a badass spy!

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ well, it doesn’t really work :joy: Ok it it actually does, and its straighforward-ish, you just need to force it a little.
~ those two mysterious objects… :sob:
~ items that do not behave like they are supposed to and for no reason (are they mimics??)
~ no spy name… I REPEAT YOU CAN’T REALLY CHOOSE A NAME!
~ there is wither a lie on the game page OR I’m supid :joy:

Final decision: Down to the shredder with you!

Current transcript: stealth.txt (4.7 KB)

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Last one:

WINCHESTER by catsket

WINCHESTER, or Russian Roulette as it is named in-game, is a short text-only VN, where you play a person at a seedy bar looking for either a drink or something more wink wink. Depending on your few choices (and not even, lol), you will get that happy ending, or just plainly die. Like the Russian roulette, except all the chambers but one are filled.

The prose is always so good, it’s horny and dark, and a tinge of sarcastic. And the “bad” ends took me out every time. I snorted so hard at the puns. Like the intro of the MC is just so funny to me.

Aside from the RNG behind the ending, I really have nothing bad to say about it…

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ Again, I am bias about this author.
~ The writing is always on point, like damn. It’s dirty and sexy and a bit messed up.

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ the RNG is killing me… I got the good ending once and pressed too fast and it was gone before I could finish reading it.

Final decision: Catsket… are you really going to make me say it?

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I only have a dozen left. I don’t think I’ll managed to finish it all today but, maybe Wednesday I’ll wrap up some conclusion.

mall_walk, by graymeditations

mall_walk is a short weirdcore interactive point-and-click piece, where you can explore a grayscale mall except for one dark path. There’s also a strange shape you can interact with, with some of the listed options allowing you to explore a supplementary part. I don’t think you can leave the mall, nor is there a concrete ending.

I think does the weirdcore vibes justice, letting the images speak for themselves with the way they are edited. The dithering effect on each screen seals the deals on that. And how you meet and get closer to the shape is creepy as heck.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ It’s intriguing

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ it’s more vibes than anything?

Final decision: It’s weird… core.

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Cool as a Cucumber, by Natasha Luna

Cool as a Cucumber is a slice-of-life visual novel where you wake up without any of your memories and must meet again all your male roommates. Set up as some sort romance story, you fall in love with one of them, and are ready to do anything to get him to fall in love in you. There are a handful of choices throughout the game, but only one (the last one) seems to matter to get one of the three endings.

It doesn’t makes much sense, to why this band of people share a house with you (especially since one of them has essentially been isekai’ed here, and another is a merman??), nor does the game expand on how you got this way. It even goes in contradiction with itself (saying it’s hot outside but showing a snowy background). But there are some funny elements parsed throughout, if you like that second-hand embarrassment kind of humour.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ It’s silly funny

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ none of the assets are cohesive
~ choices that really don’t matter
~ there’s no cucumber in the game :((((

Final decision: It’s good but only because it’s bad.

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Also: edited Stealth Adventure because it is finishable.

Country Song Ghostwriting Simulator, by Deadnettle Games

Country Song Ghostwriting Simulator is a short Twine game in which your cousin Trevor asks you to help him write a banger of a country song. If you do not refuse, you are given a handful of topics to write that song. There are about a half-dozen endings.

Save for one path that is downright heartbreaking, the whole game is pretty hilarious. From the listed tropes of current country song topics (Beer, Girls, Truck, USA!!! and maybe Jesus/Satan), to the twist-takes on each topic, you actually get some really really funny (fake) country songs right on the page. I laughed SO HARD at the Hot Girls option. If these were actually playing on the radio, I would not question it.

But there is also that one sad path. If you do not write that country song with your cousin, you go down a pretty dark path. I think it might be the longest of all the entries, and it is really sad, maybe bitter sweet at the end, but still. I chose it first, and it might have been the best way to experience the game, cause it’s really a bummer path.

Overall, a pretty good short and humoristic game!

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ It’s really funny
~ and if it’s not funny, it’s sad, but the good kind of sad.

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ i guess some little formatting issues?
~ the blinking on the end screen? (it really feels nitpicky here)

Final decision: Best Country Song Ghostwriting Simulator EVER (disqualified)

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Thank you, Max for giving me one less review to do for Neo-Twiny :joy:

Method in My Madness by Max Fog

Method in My Madness is a short experimental Twine piece about a borderline-mad person’s obsession over a man. Through stylized text, unfinished sentences, and hidden choices, you get a cool visual sense of the broken-like thoughts bouncing in one’s mind. There are two endings, leading to blank screens.

It seems more like a proof of concept/prototype than a fully realised piece. I think it would need just a bit more fleshing out.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ it’s cool-looking, visually.

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ you don’t end your game on a blank page :angry:
~ maybe the timed text? but I think it fit the concept.

Final decision: Experimentation is fun! But this one is too short to land properly.

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Yeeehaw! All 3 of my pieces are bad enough!

(I plan on making a good, extended version of this game, which will be better and longer, and maybe include one puzzle or so. Thanks so much for the reviews!!! :smiley:)

I do want to keep BEER in its weird, half-okay, but still pretty bad state, because it males it weirdly interesting - and COD for sure I keep bad. Even the name is misleading! (Have you tried getting further using my hint? :smile:)

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Yes ! And still I can’t make the coat interact with the sign?

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Ah, never mind, then. :sweat_smile:

One last for the today. We’re ending on a good note. Well… depends on your definition of good in this context.

I am oblivious to the fact that my best friend is a vampire, by zorkie

I am oblivious to the fact that my best friend is a vampire is a fantasy slice-of-life Ink (Calico) story, where you’ve invited your best friend to spend the evening doing things that friends do: watch a movie, play some games, have some food, chat, and what not. But, as the title suggests, your best friend is not… quite human - a fact you are completely oblivious about, even when the signs are all there!

With each sequence, you have multiple options to interact with Nico (that’s your lovely friend btw, who brought cake!), though you will end up with the same general sequence of event: Nico enters, you have some activities, they want to talk to you. Yet, it doesn’t matter that the only obvious effect you have on the evening is which activities you do and in which order. Because…

… it’s just lovely. Your interactions with Nico are super nice, and awkward and embarrassing at times. Even if you are oblivious to the major signs, the dialogue is really charming and funny. I laughed quite a bit while playing, especially at all the vampire references going over “You”.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ it’s really fun! and the story is cute!
~ it’s nice to see some chill vampire content

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ I guess your choices not mattering much, and the story being a bit too railroady? Or that it’s more of a one play-through type of game? Even then I can’t find myself to fault it.
~ Maybe the timed-ish text, but that’s an Ink displaying text thing.

Final decision: Nope, this is not a bad game. It’s in fact a nice one! (disqualified)

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Can’t sleep, so we’re playing some more!

Why? or also known as Untitled, by Rylie Eric

Why? is a kinetic entry created for the Really Bad IF, where you follow/are Luna, a transgender girl going about her day(s), talking to other people or herself. It is pretty nonsensical, especially with each scene loosely connected to the next and with typos everywhere adding on to the confusion (sometime it’s even played for laughs!), or when the game fakes an early ending. There are some funny lines and statements, making the more obviously bad elements worse.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ there were some funny bits, esp the credits scenes.

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ Typos everywhere
~ it makes no sense!

Final decision: Really, definitely followed the rules here! It’s bad.

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Super jetlagged, so might as well play some bad games. I have half a dozen left. Let’s gooo

Cloak of Cleansing, by Zac Marino

Cloak of Cleansing is a short parser, as a spoof of the Cloak of Darkness. Unlike the original, the world has been expanded and the goal as changed. You do not start with a cloak on your shoulders, but rather, must find your own. The message in the bar is still there, but is now too obscene to be displayed on screen or interact with. Instead, you must interact with a new NPC who will reward you for your unique “sense of style” (I think there’s a HHGG reference there?). Most of the game is pretty railroady after that puzzle is completed, and a sudden shift in tone/genre.

The parser is fairly bare with only a limited amount of command defined (or giving a response - even X ME doesn’t do much). I’m pretty sure I ran into a bug in the bar as well, where I ended up being stuck, unable to go back to the foyer (going against the “you can’t lose” admission in the blurb).

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ it is finishable and pretty easy to do

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ I ran into a proper bug :joy: like game-breaking bug.
~ it’s kind of gross being forced to wear a dirty rag on your shoulders…
~ whiplash from the change of tone, I don’t know if it’s bad, but it’s weird

Final decision: The bug pushed it into the bad category.

Transcript: Cloak of Cleansing.txt (7.5 KB)

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the CHRONICLES of YORLANDIA: part One: The calm before THE STORM, by Hanon Ondricek

the CHRONICLES of YORLANDIA: part One: The calm before THE STORM is a short Twine adventure game where you find a note from your friend/boy-girlfriend/love of your life, where you learn their father found out about your background and forbid them from ever seeing you again! Unless you meet them at 3am at a certain space… Except, it’s in just a bit, and you’re still in bed.

Will you make it in time?

Well… this won’t be in this entry that you will find the truth, as the exciting starting adventure ends on a cliffhanger as soon as you reach the first action point. You’re already on the edge of your seat, with a maybe cliché but still entertaining setting, and it’s pulled right under you! SACRILEGE!

There are also some fun little winks parsed throughout the game, of what could have been in unfinished coded elements, or of meta elements about the author and the development of the story, making us want to know more about the project.

But death to unnecessary timed text.

Why it is not a REALLY BAD IF game?
~ I want to play the other episodes so bad.
~ Honestly, the setting of the story sounds fun (I screamed THIS IS SUCH A ROMEO AND JULIET TROPE at the start :joy: )

Why it should be considered REALLY BAD IF?
~ this is an horrid cliffhanger! ILLEGAL
~ the timed text… it’s so long… ILLEGAL TOO
~ the obviously unfinished code in the character creation, stats, and inventory pages

Final decision: Timed to hell… but I still want to visit!

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