The Spring Thing Blurb Help Thread

Competitions Spring Thing
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Hey All-
As Spring Thing is 3 weeks away, I thought perhaps it was time for another blurb help thread, since the last one was pretty useful.

Post your blurbs here and get feedback, help, and constructive criticism!

I admit to wrestling with mine, swearing at it, and hating what I have.
Here’s what I’ve got:

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, play this game and have a ball!” No, wait a sec. That’s terrible.

“Mirror, mirror, in the game, helps win the throne, and girls, and fame!” Ugh. Ahem. Moving on…

Once upon a time, and that time is now, a prince embarks on a quest to inherit the throne and find the fairest of them all. Guided by an enchanted feather and a magic mirror, he journeys through the forests, towns, and towers of Grimm’s fairy tales, meeting witches, wolves, and a bevy of potential brides.

Fairest is a merciful parser-based adventure game with 13 different endings, written in Inform 7, with a play time of around an hour and a half. It contains violence.

It’s too long at 119 words, and I think maybe it really sucks. But I’m kind of frozen about how to change or improve it.

Also, wondering if anyone would like to see a Cover Art help thread. I bet we could help each other with useful photos and drawings if anybody’s struggling with that.

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I’m not great at blurbs myself, but I can say as a reader how I’d react. I found it a bit confusing at first and kind of long, so I didn’t feel like reading the whole thing. Once I did, I thought it was clever. The first part gives me the impression that it will be self-referential with a narrator that speaks to you directly. The second part makes me think that it will be a standard (and fun) fairy tale parser game with traditional puzzles. The last part makes me think that it is puzzle-lite and focused on branching text, more like a choice-based game.

I hope this helps!

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Maybe just the third paragraph and a short additional sentence mentioning the 13 endings? The third paragraph efficiently and with whimsy gives you the tone, concept, style, and vibe. The specific details in the fourth paragraph will be a little redundant given the tags appended to the entry page, and the initial dialogue doesn’t add any ideas that the third paragraph doesn’t get across.

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Yup, that’s my big worry.

I wanted some pizzazz with the little rhymes, but you’re right, they’re not adding much and making it too long. I’ll ditch them.

Thanks for the help!

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Who’s the fairest of them all? Well, I am your magic mirror, not a matchmaker. But with that handsome face, you should have no trouble finding a winsome bride amongst the bevy of eligible maidens residing in the deep, dark, fairy-tale forest! (What’s that? Oh…) The magic feather wants to come along too. (Honestly, what good is a feather against those witches and wolves and…)

Don’t worry! This text-based parser game is merciful and we should have no problem overcoming the dangers (and potential violence) in store. We’ll have you happily-ever-aftering one of 13 different ways within the next 90 minutes if all goes well! Onward! (Yes, feather, you’re coming too…)

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Sorry, this is dumb question; what is this “blurb” thing?

I too am working on my SpringThing entry + cover art.

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The “blurb” is the text that describes the game. Kind of like the copy on the back of the book that describes and entices you to buy it.

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@AmandaB I think there is an author’s note section in Spring thing…the 4th paragraph is better suited to that. So I would do something like:

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, play this game and have a ball!” No, wait a sec. That’s terrible.

“Mirror, mirror, in the game, helps win the throne, and girls, and fame!” Ugh. Ahem. Moving on…

Once upon a time, and that time is now, a prince embarks on a quest to inherit the throne and find the fairest of them all, plus witches, wolves, and a bevy of potential brides.

Authors note: Fairest is a merciful parser-based adventure game with 13 different endings, written in Inform 7, with a play time of around an hour and a half. It contains violence.

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3 posts were merged into an existing topic: Spring Thing Cover Art Help Thread

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Dude. You should get a job doing this. This is awesome.
Think of the riches in store for a professional IF blurb writer!

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A post was merged into an existing topic: Spring Thing Cover Art Help Thread

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“Fairest is a classic story of prince-meets-princess, with a guaranteed fairy tale ending. A Grimms’ Fairy Tale ending.”

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Ah, the old bait-and-switch approach in the blurb! Of course everyone knows that I love happy endings and strive to make things as Disney-perfect as possible.

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I always have a really hard time writing blurbs for my games (I usually end up with a dry description of what the game does), so I’m very happy this thread exists.

Here’s what I have so far. Looking forward to your feedback!

Rosalinda has returned from the dead as a skeleton only to learn that the Necromancer wants to force her into his army. Now she has to stop his plans of conquest and save the city of Greywall. Luckily, Rosalinda has a good head on her shoulders (that is, once she finds it), and Piecrust the Mouse is there to help – as long as it doesn’t mean missing mealtime.

The Bones of Rosalinda is a puzzle-heavy fantasy adventure with multiple (and multi-part) playable characters.

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I tend to like second-person blurbs better than third-person. Maybe something like this?

The city of Greywall is under the threat of conquest by an undead army unleashed by the Necromancer. You are the only one who can stop him… with one tiny problem: you’re a disarticulated skeleton with only a mouse to help you. Luckily, you have a good head on your shoulders (once you find it!) and the mouse is more than he appears.

The Bones of Rosalinda is a puzzle-heavy fantasy adventure with multiple (and multi-part) playable characters.

Although I don’t think this does the game justice either. I’m thinking on it.

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I’m now wondering about the 2nd vs 3rd person issue. Since the game is written in third person, I tried to keep that in the blurb as well - I thought it would sound inconsistent otherwise. But maybe it’s just me that finds that weird?

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I don’t think anyone would feel there was an inconsistency there. I don’t expect the blurb to be written in the same tense as the actual material.

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For me-- and this is just a personal thing-- I think using “you” in a blurb makes me feel more connected to the blurb, more like I should play the game. But it’s not a huge selling point, just a little psychological connection. I think your existing blurb is perfectly fine! Just wanted to offer an alternative.

edited to add: maybe I should take my own advice and rethink that in my own blurb.

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Where’s our professional blurber (that autocorrected to blubber, which would have been funny to let sit)? I’m not sure what @HanonO is charging for blurbs now, but he should have a go!

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A Zombie invasion.

A boneless, helpless shade.

“Squeak!”

Oh yeah, and you, to help me get my act together.

Boy, is Greywall in trouble.

Fairest is a merciful parser-based adventure game with 13 different endings, written in Inform 7, with a play time of around an hour and a half. It contains violence.

A blurb isn’t supposed to explain your game, it’s supposed to be a teaser to tempt people into playing it. So there’s a whole bunch of information you can leave out. Let people find out all that cool plot and puzzle stuff you’ve sweated over by playing it.

Of course, that blurb might be completely the wrong tone for your game, I dunno. Hope it helps, if only as a starting point for you to change everything!

@HanonO - how did you do that teeny writing on your post?

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