Romance Writing - Mars v. Venus

General Off-Topic Discussion
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I didn’t say that. I do think we’re less different than the people who want to make money off us would have us believe. To what extent do I think we’re different? I have no fixed viewpoint on this, and I doubt I ever will, because it’s a hugely, wildly difficult topic. I think gender biology is fascinating, and I used to teach a segment of a Bio course on it, but anything I teach today will likely be in dispute in a year or two.

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Back to the topic at hand:

I read books by male authors all the time, and I’ve ben sitting here a while, thinking about male authors and their tendencies regarding writing about romance, feelings, and relationships.

Extremely well-known male authors:

William Shakespeare. The undisputed king of romance, feelings and relationships (RFT from here on out). Nora Roberts has nothing on this guy. Arguably the most “feelsy” writer of all time.

Stephen King. The undisputed dark prince of RFT. Love and sex and marriage and divorce; messy interpersonal relationships, family dysfunction, lots of inner monologue, messy and complicated feelings all over the place.

John Grisham. Wow, does this guy write about feelings and relationships. Not so much romance, but it’s definitely there.

JRR Tolkien. A little soft on the romance, although it’s there (what’s more romantic than Aragorn and Arwen?). Super, major, extremely heavy on the feelings and relationships.

Lee Child. Heavy on the romance, light on the feelings. Lots of very intense relationships that last exactly one book long each time before he leaves. These books are the “guysiest” books I can think of, and they’re still full of relationships and romance.

I could go on. Honestly, I can’t think of how a book without feelings or intense human relationships of some kind would be interesting to anybody. That book would look like a list of errands or a person passed out alone in a room, the end. I am failing to see how women do this more, or differently, or how RFT are female topics.

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This seems like a reach?

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Just my two cents, but it might be good to keep the thread focused on writing and writers, not necessarily speculating about other forum members or wandering into areas where marginalized folks are definitely being targeted. Sorry, I’m not a mod or anything, but seeing you post about walking on eggshells and then seeing stuff that’s like shaking egg cartons out in front of you is nerve-wracking!

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Over here in NC we have Nicholas Sparks. Yes, he has a formula…

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My mistake. Sorry about that. I definitely don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth.

I believe men and women are very similar too. It’s the slight differences that make the headlines though.

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I really put myself out here today because I’ve been curious about how my thoughts align with others. I really like this community. I respect the opinions of the people here. It doesn’t mean I have to agree and vice versa. I hope I’ve been civil and polite. Maybe people have learned something from all this. Discourse the is key to bridging any divide, if anything is to be taken from today.

 

 

It might be. That wasn’t my intention at all though. Taken out of the context of the paragraph I wrote, it sure seems damning, doesn’t it? I hope that wasn’t your intention. I’m being sincere here.

@Encorm You don’t have to answer my followup question if you don’t want to. If you feel the same way Mike does, I understand.

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I hope I was entertaining at least. I don’t know why I trust this community so much that I’m willing to put myself out there. I really like you guys. Everyone so far, to be completely honest. Even those I’ve debated with, argued and questioned. I feel somewhat safe, even if I’m not popular. I feel like I can still have a place here. We’ll see, I guess. I just believe so strongly that you have to risk your standing with people (and sometimes people’s feelings) in order to get at the truth… whether one’s beliefs are right or wrong. Ultimately, that’s what matters. I’m trying to see what going on behind the opinions. I hope you all can appreciate that. I’ve a lot to think about today. That’s why I was so frank. Otherwise, how would I ever hear what the other side has to say.

I’m sorry for overstepping today.

I honestly think this couldn’t have happened without bloodshed in any other online community. As cheesy as it sounds, it speaks volumes about the kind of people who frequent these forums and the minds that are attracted to IF.

Edit: I got a like. Then it disappeared. I won’t name names. :wink:

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I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re being sincere here. I initially didn’t want to respond because, frankly, the answer is there in my original post. Given the jump to “isn’t it unfair that this made you hate men?” and a similar non-sequitur leap to a bad taste dogwhistle in your response to Amanda I am skeptical that there’s anything to be gained from further discussion other than raising my blood pressure. That said, one of my fatal flaws is never knowing when to quit so I’ll try one more time to get my point across.

This is the fundamental issue here. It’s not that my coworkers are mean to me, or that they take credit for my ideas. It’s simply that people treat my ideas differently when they know I’m a woman. In a professional context, it means I need to do extra work to convince people I know what I’m talking about. In a writing context, it means people pre-judge my work based on my gender, because:

I’m going to bow out of this thread now, I think.

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Thank you for the reply. I know you didn’t have to. You’ve been very obliging to me and really appreciate it.

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Frankly, I think this was great. How else are we ever going to bridge divides if we don’t discuss our differences rationally and honestly? Too often, that is lost in people shouting each other down. Every single person here has at some point in time held an opinion that was offensive to others, and has probably said stuff that hurt others. Talking about it is the way to go.

I’m glad. I do agree that this community is different, and that we can try to win people over instead of making them feel bad.

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@AmandaB

Thank you for that. I’m not normally so… aggressive. I’ve learned a lot from today.

No one’s words were wasted on me, I promise. I’m a fairly conscientious guy, most of the time. I hope that came across. I take things to heart, just like everyone else. Even just seeing who liked the comments affected me. We had quite the audience. :wink:

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