Paladin -- a fantasy game in Twine


Thank you all for the feedback! I’ve taking the preview offline, as I’m overhauling the beginning quite a bit.

“It has a female protagonist – sorry, no other gender options in this one.”

you know, I very much prefer IF like this. I’m into IF to be into someone else’s shoes. Fully flashed-out character, I mean, not the clichéd amnesic adventurer in search of mindless dungeon crawling or a void where I can dump my own traits. Discovering the player character traits and motives is part of the joy of IF.

I played through. Fine enough for a web-CYOA, though I don’t really feel like I have any real choice. They seem to be simply forced upon me, one after the other. Well, at least I can choose in which I order I’ll click each one. This is not a fault with your CYOA, mind, it’s the hallmark of the genre.

Prose is consistent with the twiter generation: short outbursts of text that seem to point to some typical teen ramblings about the cruel world.

but keep it up, we all learn from mistakes…

A final word about web-CYOA: damn, does anyone else read the links available before the descriptions that lead to them? I find this really distracting from the narrative…

Thank you taking the time to play, and for the feedback.

Much as I’d like to present a vast open world of meaningful choices which all lead in different and interesting directions, the time required for such a project would be… prohibitive, to say the least. This is a game about becoming a paladin, ergo, by the end of this ‘chapter,’ you’re on track to become a paladin, like it or not. There are some choices with consequences along the way, but they’re small ones, thus far. The bookseller will only talk to you if you’re a reader. If you decide to be snarky about saying grace, you have the option to be an atheist, which unlocks further choices about how you handle that. Other choices will have consequences later – if you consistently skipped studying and watched the weapons class every day, that’s a stat boost.

If you have any particular suggestions about what you would have liked to be able to choose – within the confines of the necessary you’re-going-to-be-a-paladin track – I’d certainly like to hear them. In general, though, it sounds like I’m making a kind of game you wouldn’t really want to play.

It seems like a good intro, with an interesting world and potentially an interesting situation, and but it isn’t necessarily one that would hook me into the game that follows.

I’d like the game to feel a little more impactful - after all, this girl has some serious anxieties (related to her mother, especially), and real things are going on, but it feels like she’s kind of drifting through her life. Nothing feels important yet. Let things feel important - let there be some kind of mini-crisis that she has to address, or let her get massively upset about something, or let her get massively excited about something. This part of the game might be boring compared to what comes next - but it’s been her entire life to date. Having the protagonist evince emotion, having her care about things, will help evince emotion and commitment from your players.

Thank you, that’s really helpful feedback! The upcoming meeting with her mother is likely to have quite a bit of emotional impact, assuming the player chooses to do that, but I’ll see if I can’t work something in earlier too.

oh, BTW, I chose not care about my mother at all. :stuck_out_tongue:

You didn’t actually miss any content that way, though obviously that choice would cut the ‘visiting your mother’ segment of the game.

I’m thinking I might back-burner this for a while to get some distance. It’s just not as strong as it could be, and I’m not sure how to fix it yet.