A Single Ouroboros Scale
This game/narrative is one that references the IF world directly, something I’m always interested to see. I’ve played Bez’s games since 2015 and been listening a lot on Twitter, so I was interested to see how things coalesce.
The result is a complex narrative similar in structure to last year’s The Dead Account, but with very different content. Both games put you in the role of a moderator closing down the account of someone who’s passed on, a kind of in-memoriam/Citizen Kane/Spoon River anthology review of someone’s life and whether they are of worth.
What makes this game unusual is in its complex rewriting of reality and the IF world. It’s a difficult feat to call out an entire community without calling out the individual people in it; to do so, Bez has created an entire false community replete with echoes of shadows of real people but which is so entirely different as to render it impossible to point fingers. This is a real feat; I feel like I’ve been embedded in the community under question here and played a role in many of these events but I couldn’t point a finger at any person and say 'I know who that is!
For instance, the Jot Archive Volunteer Project is strongly reminiscent of both IFDB, the intfiction forums, twitter, and the old rec.arts.int-fiction forums and IFMUD. MrDear makes me thing of Ryan Veeder, Mr Patient/Sean Shore, Graham Nelson, etc.
The content of the game is several years worth of tweets or posts, describing a journey through games that is clearly (even mentioned as such in the author’s note) Bez’s own journey through the IF world, even if it doesn’t always meet up one to one. Sometimes, the parallels are obvious (Bez’s Queer in Public vs Algie’s “Queer As F*** Because F*** You”), and other times its harder (there doesn’t seem a clear parallel to the real 2020’s Lore Distance Relationship, Bez’s most popular game).
Points made about the community include:
-Twine is often overshadowed in big competitions by parser; even though there are clear outliers it remains the reality for most entrants
-Cis white males often have more success in IF with what seems to be less effort
-Due to the prominent position of some women in IF (which I’d assume would refer to both cis women like Emily Short and trans women like Porpentine), the marginalization of most people who aren’t white cis men goes unnoticed
It’s hard to disagree with those points.
Beyond that, there’s some excellent quotes about writing games in general which I copied down:
“Making games is about giving somebody a hidey-hole to see my heart through if that makes sense? And nobody seems to really care about that imho.”
I’ve often thought that IF and writing in general is a way of sharing a piece of your soul with someone. So I agree with that. But then he presents a new thought which hadn’t occurred to me:
“But it is also only the version of me that was preserved at that time. AND does not mean you 100% know me or what I’m thinking. Unless I say it is all me in there, don’t assume that ffs.”
I’ve never really thought about how media takes a snapshot of our current selves and saves it for the future, whether we want it to or not. I think that explains a lot of older authors wanting to remove things they wrote in the past that were objectionable or cringe.
And this is the last thing I copied down:
“I feel like my need for external approval is an ouroboros that will never EVER be fulfilled. Either I seek it and don’t get it (often) or I seek it and do get the level I wanted (rare) but it ain’t enough. My goal is so far away, and it keeps moving, so maybe I gotta lower my damn expectations—towards myself and in the IF world.”
The end of the game concludes with Bez’s current reality and deepest fears brought together to their possible end: the death of an author after a forgetting mind disease, followed by a second death when the community forgets him.
As a side note, I found it emotionally jarring when the game started with you helping an older IF figure to prune and delete people’s old stuff, because that’s what I’m actually doing in real life right now, working on a project where I close out people’s old stuff that’s no longer relevant. Fortunately, it’s just bug reports, so no one’s hard work or creative labor is being lost.
Assigning a rating to a game like this is behaving exactly like the narrative actors it contains, who judge and rank and sort and gatekeep. However, I am going to do so anyway:
+Polish: The game is thoroughly polished
+Descriptiveness: The writing is vivid and detailed.
+Emotional impact: clearly the game resonated with me
+Would I play again? I think so.
?Interacivity: On one hand, there’s not much to do besides run through the list of things and then make a decision. On the other hand, the game itself talks about how stories don’t have to be approached as systems first and stories later. On the other hand, I don’t think I should give a high rating in a category just because the game calls it out. On the final hand, though, I wanted to rethink my decision at the end and spent a while reloading the page because there was no immediate reload, so it seems clear the interactivity worked for me at some level.
