“Jake the Frustrated Noob Programmer” by Jake Johnson
The Forum is a room. “[if unvisited]The Interactive Fiction Community Forum[end if][if visited]It’s a forum. Yup.[end if]”
A programmer is a kind of person. A programmer can be noob or pro. Programmers are usually pro.
A person can be frustrated or calm. People are usually calm.
Jake is a frustrated noob programmer. Jake is in the Forum.
After asking Jake about “Inform 7”, say “‘I tried this program yesterday, and my muse hit me with inspiration. Before I sat down to use it, I had no idea why I stopped after trying a year or two ago. After five minutes, I remembered.’”
After asking Jake about “code”, say “‘Oh, this? I’m just showing off the very little I’ve learned in perusing the manual.’”
After asking Jake about “problems”, say "'There have been many and will be many more, but I’ll list those that I can best learn from if someone shows me how to do them correctly.
Firstly, I can’t make an automatic lantern. As in, I can’t make a device which is lit if it is switched on.
Next, I need a door to become unlocked after a conversation (or, rather, ‘tell character about object’) without a key being involved, and Inform unhelpfully responds to the verbs ‘open’ and ‘unlock’ with a giant shrug and an error message.
Third, if statements. These are the magnets to my Insane Clown Posse. No matter how I punctuate them, what I say, or what conditions I give, Inform never understands me.
Lastly, though I see it in the manual, I cannot convince Inform to remove anything from play. ‘Remove x from play’ gets nothing but an error message, likely because it’s a part of my if statements.
Can you help me?’"