Interview: Jacek Pudlo & Conrad Cook--discuss...Emily Short

Interview: Jacek Pudlo & Conrad Cook – discuss themselves, each other, and Emily Short; Conrad Cook accuses Jacek Pudlo of being realy Adam Thornton, and not a character out of an IF after all; feminism and political correctness are discussed; and mention is even made of interactive fiction!

[interview blanked out for the time being - see below]

Jacek Pudlo is Adam Thornton?! And he would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for you pesky kids.

Or Adam Thornton showed up pretending to be Jacek Pudlo just to prank you.

Given that Pudlo is from Sweden, I doubt he made a special trip to Boston on your account.

What makes you say he’s from Sweden?

Is that like him being a Jew? Having a wife and daughter who he doesn’t let use the internet? Having round-the-clock sex that prevents him from writing IF? Staying with a billionaire friend who he insults as much as he wants, who responds to this by giving him the keys to the Jag before flying to Thailand to see the Iraqi Prime Minister?

I could have gotten it wrong. I didn’t, but I could have. So:

How do you know?


My current leading theory is that Conrad Cook is Jacek! Displaced blame is a good cover, but not good enough for an ace detective like myself.

Truly, the troll – whether Thornton or someone else – does use numerous other little troll masks to move conversations along. It’s his primary way of interacting socially. He’s good at it.

To be honest, JJ – with your Scooby Doo reply to this serious matter, I figured you were one.


Just chiming in to say that I know Conrad and can guarantee the community that he is not Jacek Pudlo. Jacek was active even when Conrad was on one of his sojourns, so it’s just not possible.

Perhaps I was overly flippant. I don’t really think Conrad is Jacek, and I agree that there is a serious issue here about anonymous abuse spoiling public spaces, and the potential abuses of trust that can flow from multiple online identities.

Well, Adam just replied to my email to him from earlier today.

Therefore I sent him this:

I have responded to Conrad’s blackmail attempt by:

a) calling him an asshole

b) sending the demanded correspondence, for which I apologize to Mr. Pudlo.

It appears it was a successful blackmail attempt, as, although I hold Mr. Pudlo and his work in rather more esteem than the rest of the community, I do not wish to be identified with him.

I am not Jacek Pudlo.

I would cordially invite Conrad Cook to suck my hairy nutsack.


Wait, wait, what?

Someone showed up at the Boston IF Meetup claiming to be me?


There’s nothing in … b704?pli=1 to indicate that I was even aware of the goddamn thread. Conrad, are you schizophrenic as well as homeless?

FWIW, I believe in the Jacek-is-a-European theory. At least, the times when he chooses to answer email are consistent with a European timezone. I also see no reason to believe he’s not a Jew. And Conrad, to further inflame your psychosis: I am circumcised. Do you take that as further “proof” of your demented accusations? Are you going to demand that I send you a photograph of my penis? How will you know it’s my penis? Perhaps ?

Also, don’t any of you sons-of-bitches start thinking that just because I got myself a login on to defend myself against this base calumny, I’m going to stick around here. 4 life. If you can’t handle Usenet you don’t deserve text adventures.

I have indeed gotten a correspondence from Adam. – After a couple hours. I would much rather have gotten it within fifteen minutes, as that would have settled things beyond any kind of doubt.

I need to go over the correspondence, which I cannot do now because the wifi spot is closing.

I’d offer to post the thing, however:

–Since the thing is up in the air, I’m blanking out the original post for the time being. Just by way of managing any social damage.

The accusation has been made, and I may end up eating dirt on this. But we have to do something about “Jacek.” We absolutely have to. Whoever he is.

He’s thoroughly out of bounds.


ps - Just does not add up. Pudlo’s buddy-buddy with Adam, and didn’t tell him this was happening? Adam didn’t check his email for three hours?

Frankly, I don’t buy it. But the interview comes down, at least until we untangle things.


That kind of thing will not get you anywhere here. I retaliate.

I retaliate honestly, and therefore it takes time. But I do retaliate.


This is interesting.

So you’re saying Jacek isn’t that bad, but being identified with him is base calumny. And with “if you can’t handle usenet” business, it sounds you’re ratifying Emily being driven off r.a.if. Are you?

Well, I’ll go over the correspondence and post something tomorrow.


I don’t read my mail for three hours because I have a job, Conrad. And then when I come home, I have a wife, and other interests than email and the newsgroups.

I quake in my boots about your retaliation. Perhaps the Hobo Army will paint “Mean Old Dickhead Lives Here” in their secret hobo-symbols on my house. I have already posted notice of your blackmail attempt to and its sister newsgroup; best of luck managing the “social damage.” You have tried to blackmail me; I think it is preposterous of you to be vowing vengeance.

Pudlo’s not particularly buddy-buddy with me anywhere but in your diseased mind, I’m afraid. I think he’s an asshole, but he’s a creative and very talented asshole, who writes excellent interactive fiction, and is a first-class playtester. I don’t want to be him.

Of course I do not ratify Emily being driven off raif.

Did she post here that she had been “driven off” raif? Since I don’t read this fucking site, I didn’t see that; I figured, like all the rest of the old guard, she finally gave up on Usenet, which makes me very sad.

Once again: I invite you to lovingly slurp my hairy nutsack. Gently caress my bulging testes with your chancre-riddled tongue.



I don’t buy the outrage. I just do not.

Your writing is too much like “Jacek”'s. Everything about your writing is. He likes your work too much. You comment on the same kinds of topics – you’re both literary critics who aspire to be pornographers.

Do you honestly think anyone believes “Jacek” wrote one game eight years ago and still cares enough about IF to troll? That he’s an outsider to the community except for trolling? That he lives in Sweden and hangs out with a lonely billionaire who can’t relate to women and thrives off his honest insults so much he gives him the keys to the jag?

No, Emily Short hasn’t said a damn thing about Jacek Pudlo that I’ve ever read. But I’m also able to look up her last post to r.a.if, and frankly I’m ashamed that I let that go then. And I would be if that was you that was driven off r.a.if or S. John Ross, or anyone.

–Now riddle me this: There have been no personal attacks here. You were absolutely free to post here and say, “Conrad’s a lunatic, his accusations don’t stand up, and I won’t be blackmailed.”

But you’re all worked up. Why is that? And why is what I’ve written about you worse than what “Jacek” writes about others?


He’s worked up because you tried to blackmail him!

It’s worse because Adam isn’t Jacek!

I like you, Conrad, and I’m afraid that by not locking this thread immediately I only gave you more rope to hang yourself with. But you either need to knock it off or take it back to raif, because for better or worse this is not Usenet.