"If you get offered free tickets to TITUS ANDRONICUS, check that they're not in the front row"

This Oglaf episode reads like a setup for a choice passage and responses I would totally write.

There’s more. I’d end up picking the last one, but #7 is a close runner-up. (Oglaf is very NSFW, but this specific strip is not visually explicit.)

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“Don’t you understand? I’m a bloody fool!”

“Sorry, I just had a root canal.”

“What can I say? I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

“Hell yeah, I’m a red-blooded American!”


“This tie-dye pattern is all the rage with the kids. What, you’re not on Tik-Tok?”

“I just came from having a shave…I KNEW that barber wasn’t paying attention!”

“The Gallagher matinee at the club just ended. Beet juice never comes out, amirite?”

“Look over there: a THREE HEADED MONKEY!”

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Oh lordy, I feel like in my old tabletop group, we probably tried like half of these. Our go-tos were “don’t worry, we’re in a band/experimental theater troupe” and pretending we were going to throw a surprise party for a friend whenever we got caught lurking somewhere we shouldn’t. Honorable mention to croaking out “but my Charisma specialization is ‘Trustworthy’” as the bluff went totally to pot.


Just don’t press “next”.

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