First, I’d like to say thank you for this very well-written, intriguing story!
A transcript (comments marked with asterisks, as usual) is on its way through the ether to your e-mail address. I did not make a lot of comments (see below), but I thought I’d send it to you in case you wanted to take a look at how the entire playthrough went.
Some small issues:
Right at the beginning (although this was partly my fault for not immediately thinking of “OUT”, hehe):
[spoiler]Cocoon
You are immersed in a warm, comforting heap of something soft. It envelops you like an old blanket.
x cocoon
You can’t see any such thing.
x blanket
It’s not dissimilar to cotton wool, although feels both more fibrous and less clinging.
open blanket
That’s not something you can open.
pull blanket
You don’t have enough weight and traction to do that. You’ll have pick it up and drag it.
rip it
That’s not a verb I recognise.
tear it
That’s not a verb I recognise.
cut it
Cutting that up would achieve little.
out
You fight your way free of the cottony stuff. Dim light blinds you for a moment.[/spoiler]
Typos etc.:
[spoiler]- “peforated”
- “you’re don’t have the energy”
- “You’ll have pick it up”
- “>x bones
They’re old and bleached the sun […]”
- “vaccum”
- “a increasing”[/spoiler]
The first message here was a bit strange:
[spoiler]>eat leaves
(the bundle of aromatic leaves)
Not when you’re carrying the bundle of aromatic leaves in your mouth!
drop bundle
Dropped.
eat it
(first taking the bundle of aromatic leaves)
You really don’t want to eat those.[/spoiler]
In one of my playing sessions …
[spoiler]… it seemed to be impossible to catch the lemur, because it went west across the dam, then immediately disappeared to the east again when I approached, so I didn’t have a chance to get it:
Boulder
A massive slab of rock has fallen into the woods from the canyon walls to the
west. It is halfway sunk into the turf and looks almost sculpted. The canyon
wall looms over you from the west. The woodlands parallel it, running north-
south, although the canyon steepens to the north. Water glints between the trees
to the east.
The huge boulder towers over the surrounding trees.
You can also see a dead fish here.
z
Time passes.
You sense a new feeling of anger from the east.
e
Beaver Dam
A haphazard but substantial dam has been built across the river out of logs and
fallen trees. Water pours through the many little gaps to form a delta of pools
and runnels, before joining back together into the main flow of the river, which
disappears into the woods to the south. Upstream of the dam to the north there
is a substantial lake, but everywhere else, all you can see are trees. The river
looks crossable, to reach the east side of the canyon.
The grisly remains of the dead beavers are scattered among the rocks.
Some fish flap about in the pools.
The lemur is painfully picking its way across the dam.
The lemur struggles up the bank and disappears into the trees to the east.
You can feel contentment from the south.[/spoiler]
The responses to “>PULL (something)” are slightly misleading/strange:
[spoiler]- At the Boulder:
push boulder
You don’t have enough weight and traction to do that. You’ll have pick it up and
drag it.
pull shard
The only way you’ll move it is to pick it up and carry it.
take shard
You gingerly take the end of the shard in your mouth, and, trying to ignore the
metallic taste of human blood, pull. It’s well wedged but you manage to work it
out. As you do so your body, released, suddenly slithers out of the acceleration
chair and onto the floor.
pull body
You don’t have enough weight and traction to do that. You’ll have pick it up and
drag it.
take body
(first dropping the metal shard)
You take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take hold of your body by one boot.
It tastes reassuringly of plastic.[/spoiler]
It seems I found an alternative way …
[spoiler]… of getting the body from the shuttle to the tree, which might possibly be a bug (?):
put body on branch
(first taking your body)
You put your body on the broken branch.
[then drag the branch to the tree][/spoiler]
At the very end:
[spoiler]>x sparks
You push your awareness out towards the sparks. Those minds feel — not
distant, yet somehow remote. Separated from what you are now. You lightly brush
over them, and feel fleeting moments of terror, rage, panic, pain… there is
fire, and bright shapes spinning against dark, bravery and cowardice. There is
death there, and a lot of it, minds slowly evaporating from their cooling
brains.
You draw back, terrified.
take minds
You don’t want to interfere with them. They’re safe where they are, and they
feel very fragile, somehow.
[The game is referring to the animal minds already on Elysia, but this might be a bit confusing here.]
take sparks
Bracing yourself, you reach out towards the distant/remote/separated minds, and
gently lift them out of their dying bodies. They flow towards you.[/spoiler]