Bugfinder needed for goalless exploration game

My entry for Locusjam 2015 is a quiet exploration game without goals or puzzles - just wander around and poke at things. Would anyone like to have a gander at it and see if they can throw up any bugs, or have any feedback (too long? any synonyms I should add? and so on)?

Much thanks!
Staying Put.gblorb (631 KB)

Quick transcript of me actually staying put.

I guess the point happens when you don’t?

I ran into a few issues, but a couple that might not be obvious:

  1. Maybe there’s a style guide that disagrees with me somewhere, but I believe the last period after the quote mark is a mistake since the inside has a complete sentence with ending period already.

You scan through the book, and you pick out: “I saw trucks trundling carefully over the pitted roads. They were carrying glass panes. Someone, somewhere, still had enough hope to build glass windows.”.

  1. Both LISTEN and SMELL really ought to work.
    stayput.txt (11.2 KB)

Hm, yeah, I think you’re right about the punctuation. I’ll take note of the synonyms as well and add them in. Thanks for spotting those! There are some things you did which I think I’ll add in as well. Was there enough to keep your attention, or did you just wait out because there was nothing else left to explore? (Yes, the events are triggered by reaching a certain time of day.)

It’s totally a “different style guides” thing, a la Oxford comma – unless you mean that there were TWO identical sentence-enders sandwiching the end-quote. That, not so much. But it’s fine to say “that, not so much”. (Just as much as it’s fine to say “that, not so much.”) Except in the case of writing dialogue – then the punctuation of the reported speech does always takes precedence, to the best of my knowledge.

I did quote the exact thing, and yes, that’s what I mean.

I literally had no idea what else to do. There’s not a lot. I pretty much examined everything.

It’s honestly kind of a My Apartment game, even if it’s My Hideout, partly because the hiding-out-ness doesn’t get used for anything. I’m ok with Nothing Happens being the plot more or less, but that’s only if Something Happened But It Is In the Backstory That You Gradually Discover.

My mistake! I saw the post before that and the comment about LOOK/SMELL were edited in, and didn’t double-check.

Mm, point noted, I’ll add a bit more meat to the story!