A Post-Mortem of The Dead Account, Weird Grief, & My Game Development Career (For Now)

[Adam_S (Adam Sommerfield)]

Seems firm but fair to me.

I think it’s the “connection” part where it all gets rocky. It’s all fine to take a cool headed view of something and say “do it just for yourself, if others show positive interest then that’s a bonus” but if the whole purpose/drive of the art (or the thing you do) is to connect and make connections and feel like you’re not some isolated nutter who likes something that literally no one else on the planet does then doing it for yourself doesn’t achieve that.

I don’t disagree with the sentiments expressed here, I’m just empathising with @Norbez because I can draw some parallels in pursuing something that returns you net-zero interest from the world.

Adam

[robinjohnson]

@Sam_Ursu

You do realize that fewer than 100 people on the entire planet saw your game, right? That’s true for everyone’s games, even the first-place winner.

That isn’t generally true. More people play than judge, and games that place highly often get wider attention and press coverage.

(In any case, it’s unclear what gives you the impression that the OP thinks their games have a huge audience)

[Norbez (Naomi Norbez, call me Bez (he/they))]

Gonna take some time to properly respond to this thread & what everyone has said. Sorry for the delay. I will also respond to DMs asap.

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@robinjohnson
Thank you for sharing your story and enjoying my games. I am also interested in an IF Fringe type of thing, and like the idea of there being ribbon instead of rankings.

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@DrkStarr
Thanks, I’m happy you empathize. Though I’m unsure what you mean by “that” game.

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@AmandaB
True. . .

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@ramstrong
I understand what you’re saying. It sounds like you’ve had some bad criticism in the past for your work. Is that correct?

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@Adam_S
Yeah, it can be an exhausting process. Thank you for sharing and letting us know we’re not alone.
As for your question. . .

Do you find that you feel angry and frustrated, but feel unable to express that or share it because in doing so you fear the response will be that you are accused of “feeling entitled”?

I had to think about this for a bit. I suppose that is part of it, putting things out into the world & getting not enough back; knowing that I am not owed a positive reception/good reaction/whatever, but wanting it nevertheless. And hoping after six years of building myself up I this space, I would be getting more back, but having most IF Comps feel & play out similarly year after year, like it’s my first one all over again.
It’s frustrating, feeling like you have all the building blocks for success, but they aren’t going upward. Knowing rationally that I am not owed anything by the world, but wanting it, and not wanting to come across like a child yelling, “It’s not fair!”
(The other part of it is that I’ve built up far more success as a creator in a different space in less than two years, way more than I’ve ever gotten in six years here. Ten times the views and growth statistically. But that is another subject & story.)
I also agree with your discussion of “connection”.
Thank you.

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@J_J_Guest
That’s a complicated question. Another one I had to ponder for a bit.
I suppose that used to be the case, especially with projects that were more personal. Nowadays, I try not to fall into that trap, but I can slip from time to time. I understand that struggle.
As for your other points, I agree it is a pity. Thanks for enjoying my games and sharing your experiences.

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@tundish
I appreciate you complimenting me as a writer. I find your conclusion about being validated depressing, but fair. I will keep considering myself a writer. As for doing YouTube, please see my response to Adam & Hanon below.

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@Adam_S & @HanonO
I tried the YouTube thing for around half a year, first as an otome/VN/Japanese media reviewer ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdCst6eP2UmnEN5v0MUQUkA ) & at the same time, with Magic: The Gathering videos ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi62c2FIjfhcoNYszU0vBBQ ). I stopped the MTG videos because the community was far too toxic for me, and as I said in my written post, I’m pausing the otome reviews as well. I will assess them at some point and see if there’s something worth returning to in the future.

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@kamineko
Thank you for your goodwill. The struggle to be seen is real. I appreciate it.

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@Sam_Ursu
“Old fashioned” you say? That’s a very obtuse way of saying, “so offensive the mods had to hide your post.”
But let’s focus in your points. I will respond to them one by one.

1. Yes, it is my choice. Therefore, I have chosen to step away, and evaluate where I want to go from here.
2. I don’t understand your point here. It comes across like you’re telling me to, “Chill out,” or something, which isn’t really the best way to respond to another person’s feelings. Please tell me if I am incorrect. And like Robin said, I don’t know who/what gave you the impression that I think my games have a big audience.
3. I’m unsure of your point, but I will tell you that I have been “giving what I want to get” via Game Curator for almost a year, spotlighting smaller projects on that platform. I even reviewed IF Comp games last year, funny enough. Does that satisfy the point you’re trying to make? Because like I said, I’m not 100% sure of what you’re trying to say.
4. Again, I am confused. My best interpretation is to separate myself from my stories for a bit, which is exactly what I’m already doing, so. . Can you please explain what you’re trying to tell me?

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Conclusion:
Thank you all for your responses. The overall impression I’ve gotten from you is that we need another IF Art Show and/or a Fringe IF space, which both sounds nice. And I appreciate you all letting me know I’m not alone here.

[Adam_S (Adam Sommerfield)]

I pride myself on being able to read the room and work out what’s going to happen next.

I confidently predict that this is the end of this thread and there will be no more entries, replies or counter arguments. All’s well that ends well.

100%. For sure. You can bet your mortgage on it. Move along, nothing else to see here…

Adam

[HanonO (Hanon Ondricek)]

This topic was closed due to flagged posts that have been removed and resulting issues caused by them. We believe there is no further constructive discussion to be made in this topic. We are currently moderating behind the scenes, and appreciate the community’s cooperation.

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