How to handle Code of Conduct violations?

[vaporware (Tara McGrew)]

@cvaneseltine

As you point out, racist - like bigot, misogynist, homophobe, transphobe, Islamophobe, etc, etc - are actually descriptors of behavior rather than insults per se. But it’s almost impossible to use them as descriptors without the target interpreting them as insults, unless the target would self-describe that way.

They tend to be felt as insults because they’re read as accusations of specific behavior that people find abhorrent. Like calling someone a cheater, a traitor, or a pedophile, it provokes a strong reaction because the behavior they believe they’re being accused of, itself, provokes a strong reaction.

That may not be the speaker’s intent. They may mean it as in “everyone’s a little bit racist, let’s remind ourselves to be better people”, not as in “Donald Sterling is banned from basketball and universally despised, serves him right for being a racist”. But considering how often those definitions are conflated, it’s inevitable that someone will take it the wrong way.

Unfortunately, I think that means this…

@cvaneseltine

There are perfectly acceptable ways to discuss specific behaviors without phrasing it as “you are a racist”.

“Hey, you know that thing you just did? It was pretty racist. Here’s why.”

…won’t help. Yes, it’s focused on behavior, not people, but that’s still the same problem: describing a person’s behavior that way is likely to cause a heated argument if they think your characterization is unfair.

Maybe that’s a fight that needs to happen, but it’ll derail the thread, and it sounds like that’s a common concern.

So, whenever someone feels the need to call out another poster for saying something objectionable, it might be best to start a new thread for the complaint and link to it. Maybe even put those threads in a new subforum, like the Straight Dope Message Board’s BBQ Pit (“for rants about the outside world or quarrels between posters”). That way:

• Everyone reading knows you objected, and can click through to see why
• The followup discussion can proceed at its own pace, and be as direct as needed/allowed
• People who aren’t interested in the followup can continue the thread with minimal distraction

@Oreolek

This is not a social space someone is fleeing to,

Maybe not today, but I think it’s good to keep it in perspective: this forum has been around for a while, and like various other weird geeky spaces over the years, it has served as a refuge for people and interests that weren’t widely accepted elsewhere.

My point was that this isn’t about a choice between building a space for “people who are used to unthinkingly hanging out” and “people who have to be careful”, because those aren’t separate groups of people. They’re the ways people feel and behave in relation to different environments. People who flee one place for a new one because “it’s just too difficult to be careful when you’re the only one who has to be careful” will eventually find others fleeing from their new place for the same reason.

@Oreolek

I want to discuss Inform games, CoG games, queer games, weird games, self-coded games, web games, politically charged games, how to make games and talk rubbish about weather in Skopje. I’m not sure if it’s suitable even for discussing Inform because every thread is at threat of derailing into something else

Yes, this is a problem.

And I agree, Intfic is no better in that respect. I think the meandering, conversational style has worked OK for most threads, given the size of the community, but I have had to split some threads and I expect I’ll have to do more and more of that as time goes on.